Dependent dependency

Ever had the feeling that you're getting so used to the thought of having a person around that you start depending on him for everything? Like you just expect him to be there all the time and do stuff for you and with you? Well, I used to think that way with my ex and now i'm going through the same thing with my current boyfriend. Why do i always end up being dependent on people? And it's just not relationships i'm talking about. I get dependent on friends too. BUt i think i'm learning. I used to be worse. I used to be the type who couldn't go out shopping alone or eat alone. Now, i don't mind shopping by myself. I find it more enjoyable. I don't have to worry bout the people with me getting bored. I can wander for as long as i like and do whatever i want. But still.. this dependency on the guy i'm with.. hmm.. somethign to really think about and change. I mean, nothing's certain and i can't expect us to be together forever. Anything can happen. And i'll just find it harder to adapt if we don't end up together one day. Sigh...

Switching topics, just found out that Annu applied for a PE job in HSBC. Was pretty surprised when i heard that. I mean, it just doesn't sound like something for her to do. Wonder why she applied for it. Probably the same reason why i did. Had no direction in life and so just decided to try what comes along. I seriously didnt know what i was doing when i applied for this job. Partly because i had to work on the australs and had to be around cyber. Partly because i didnt' want to go back to penang and leave my relationship behind (who am i kidding? if i had gone back to penang, i wouldn't be with him any longer). But no regrets... so far :)

But what i really wanna do is travel i guess. Just take a year off, and go where the wind blows me. Angie gave me a nice idea the other day. She said what if i saved enough money to go holidaying for about 2 weeks then after that just work in whichever country i'm in. Like if i end up in London, then just work as a waitress or something to earn enough money to get me to the next country. Just do the same thing for a whole year. Have no permanent address. Just live life one day at a time. Just have enough money to survive moderately. I mean, i don't wanna stay in a dodgy place but at least somewhere decent... like the inn we stayed in Cape Town. Wouldn't that be wonderful? The thought of writing in this blog from an internet cafe in one country and then another the next few days. The thought of emailing my friends and telling them that i'm sitting outside the Eiffel Tower right now while writing. And then the next mail a few days later would be telling them that i'm standing on the spot where the Berlin wall was. Pretty cool, huh? And the best part of this dream is... i can actually make it happen. I mean it's not something impossible to do. If i plan and work at it hard enough... and also if i manage to convince my parents. I know what their reaction's gonna be... "Siau ah?" Literal translation, meaning "you crazy?" But it's possible... it's possible...

Possible...