He called

He called me today. From his home in Muar.

I thought i found peace within myself. I really thought i did. I was fine for the past week after coming back from home. Did some soul searching back home and came back to KL with a free mind and an unburdened heart. Even when he wanted to come see me, i told him no. But then he needed help. So being the caring friend i am, i said alrite. And he came. And i was sitll fine. Distant, cool, but friendly. However, looks like i ain't such a good actress after all. He sensed there was something wrong. And obviously asked me about it. And being me, i said 'NO there's nothing wrong' like a zillion times before he finally pried it out of me. I told him it was work. But he still wasn't convinced tht was the whole story. And finally i told him. I just poured everything out. And the best part was, i wasn't even angry. I was just pasrah.

He was hurt by some of the things i said. But i couldn't care less. Coz that was how i felt. And i told him that he's always trying to find excuses. He held my hand and said that's not true. I tried to take my hand back but he wouldn't let go. And then we were quiet for a long while and i fell asleep. Was drifting between slumberland and consciousness when he called my name and turned to me. And then the things he said just melted me. Just blew away the wall that i had put up for the whole week. Just reached into my soul and messed everything up again. And once again, we slept in each other's embrace.

But i'm not hoping for anything. With him, i've learnt not to expect. Learnt not to hope. If he keeps to what he says then it'd be really good for both of us. But if he doesn't, then... it'd just be like how it is rite now. Time to build that wall again.

On another note, i've got black hair now. And let me just say, there's nothing sexier and more elegant than soft, black hair. :)