RA here we come!

Finally, our rantau trip is materialising. AFter weeks and weeks of planning. Pretty excited bout it. Although i know i'm gonna be a zombie during the drive there coz going clubbing tonight but never mind... the company will be great! :) Gonna take loads of pictures! ALready got my pareo and hat and swimsuit... so i'm ready!!!

On another note, i'm pretty ticked off at stupid pandian. He can be such an arsehole.

Regarding the job offer, they haven't called me back!!! I'm now wondering how long does it take to prepare an offer letter? I mean, they can't call me and tell me i've got the job and then not call me back for the offer letter right? Jeebers, i'm now thinking if it's really this lembap, how is it gonna be working there? Oh well, at least i still don't have to decide yet.

Oops, gotta dress for work now. Rantau abang and the penyus... get ready for voices!!!

Sick sick sick...

Urgh.. i hate being sick. Hate that funny taste in my mouth which i can't wash off no matter how much water i drink. Jeebers.. haven't been sick in a while. Stayed home from work today. Didn't know i could sleep that much :) At least i did something productive as well. Swept my room and changed the bedsheets. Sneding clothes to laundry tomorrow.

Gosh, i can't wait for the RA trip. I don't know why but i just feel it's gonna be a blast. Wish more ppl were coming though. Ppl like Logan, Sumi...It'd be just like old times if they come. The gang complete again.

I feel so shitty rite now. As in physically. Throat hurts. Can't stop coughing. Nose running. And no one to jaga me right now.
:( But he's coming over... so.. just gotta wait for now. And i need to eat real food!!! Have been eating biscuits and nestum the whole day. Easily digestible food, so the doctor says. Gimme some meat anyday!!! A ciggie would taste so good rite now. Quite happy that i'm able to control the amount i smoke.

Ish ish.. i'm rambling. And this post may not make sense. BUt my mind just ain't functioning properly rite now. Actually, the world seems as if it's a little topsy turvy thru my eyes. Cna't even type properly. BUt just needed a place to babble and ramble.

This dude said i looked like a gangster yesterday at work. Hehehe... i couldn't stop laughing. He said i look like a tai ka cheh. So i told him not to mess with me. Since i'm a gangster and all. I'm so full of shit. And crap. How can ppl stand me! I am also very very bored. No one's home rite now so i've got no one to talk to. Called my bestest fren back in penang just now. And got updated with news and gossip :) I need to go back home and hang with my frens back home. Haven't seen htem in a long while now. Sometimes i get too preoccupied with my life ehre and neglect my frens back home. Feel really guilty when they ask when i'm coming back and how come i dont' go back to meet up with them etc. Need to make it a point to go back home at least once a month to hang and chill with them.

I'm playing futsal. For my process. Against other processes. They need one girl in each team and no one wanted to join so when nanthan asked me, i just said okay. And now i'm seriously regretting it. Have no idea how to play. I'm still laughing at myself for saying yes. But i was quite happy that they all think i'm really sporting and all. Oh how much my colleagues love me :)

Saw that stupid girl at work yesterday and got all pissed off and irritated again. She just looks like such a slut. Can't stand the sight of her. And the way she was dancing with him!!!!! Just makes my blood boil. Hmph! Was quite happy that he got tension when i was dancing with the white dude :)

Oh Gosh... this post is just so full of crap. Tired now. Wanna go lie down. Darling where are you?!?!?!?!

Retail therapy

There's nothing more soothing and relaxing than retail therapy. I would seriously recommend this to everyone who's got a bit of money to spend and is just feeling down and confused. Go to a shopping mall, try on clothes that you like and just buy em. Don't think. Just get the cash/card out and get that item. You would feel SO good after that. Get something outrageous too. And then wear it the next time you go out. :) Spent a whole lot of money today. But it felt good. Feeling slightly guilty right now... but never mind :) And what better way to end the day than having a stick.

I'm really glad that the Rantau Abang trip is happening. It would feel extremely good to just get out of KL and go to a place i've never been and just chill out. I can just picture it right now. Sitting on the beach with nothing but my swimsuit and pareo, an ice cold beer in one hand and a ciggie in the other. The wind blowing through my hair, listening to the soothing sound of waves hitting the beach and taking in the magnificent sunset. And who better to enjoy all those things with than my kawan-kawan?

Don't wanna think bout this job thingy for a while. Was pretty messed up the whole weekend and i just wanna chill right now. Thank God for friends who took me out shopping :) Gonna talk to my boss tomorrow and see what my chances are in the company. I am just so afraid of starting over again. Having to make new friends again. Learning a new trade all over again. And i've just got a million things running thru my head. What if i screw up at my new job? What if i can't make new friends? What if ppl don't like me? Will i still have a social life then? What if i can't adapt to my new job? What if i regret leaving? This dude that resigned from the company and is now working elsewhere said something the other day that made me wake up. We asked him how it's like working elsewhere and he said 'Welcome to the real world'. And it is so true. Working in HSBC is nothing like what i've heard bout the working world. There's no overtime. No pressure. You go in to work at 3 and you leave at 12. That's all. EVeryone is just so sheltered. We're like in our own world. Everyone knows everyone (at least i used to - stupid company is now so big). Everyone i know loves me and cares for me.

Sigh... deep inside, i know what the right decision is. But i'm just putting it off till i've spoken to more ppl. Oh man... I'm just so afraid. What if i can't make new friends? What if the ppl there don't like me? What if i screw up and make some company lose millions of dollars? Shit. Corporate banking. NO joke man. I know it'd definitely be a good experience. If i move there it's not coz of the money. Obviously there's a salary jump.. more like a hop but it'd be good for my CV. Imagine the fields i can go to after that. I can work in any bank. It'd be a good career move i guess. I dont' know. I really don't. Sigh...

I'm just gonna dress up now, go to work, and try to enjoy my day. BTW, i would also recommend to get your nails done. Had a pedicure and i feel so pampered and girly rite now with pretty toes :)

Tick.. tick.. tick..

That's the sound of my life right now. I've got until next week whether to accept the new job or not. Haven't talked to my parents about it yet. Just keep putting it off. Have told a few ppl though. And i've got differing opinions. So now i really don't know what to do. This sucks!! I hate having to make life changing decisions!!!

Another friend resigned yesterday. Not someone very close to me but we started work together and she was in my induction class. During her farewell, i kept imagining how MY farewell would be :) Would there be a lot of ppl who would come? Would ppl be sad that i'm leaving? Would anyone cry for me? Would i cry?

On another note, i got hit on by some dudes in the club last night. Jeebers... it's been a while and let's just say it felt quite flattering :) Pretty happy with my social life right now. The comfort level that i've already achieved in my present company is so high.. it's really gonna be hard if i have to leave. All my friends... my clubbing kaki.. my 'ane'... And if i work in BCB, there goes my clubbing life! Oh man!!!

I'm just so confused right now... Can someone just give me an answer?!?!?!?!?

Shaitz...

I got the freakin job. Now what?

He called

He called me today. From his home in Muar.

I thought i found peace within myself. I really thought i did. I was fine for the past week after coming back from home. Did some soul searching back home and came back to KL with a free mind and an unburdened heart. Even when he wanted to come see me, i told him no. But then he needed help. So being the caring friend i am, i said alrite. And he came. And i was sitll fine. Distant, cool, but friendly. However, looks like i ain't such a good actress after all. He sensed there was something wrong. And obviously asked me about it. And being me, i said 'NO there's nothing wrong' like a zillion times before he finally pried it out of me. I told him it was work. But he still wasn't convinced tht was the whole story. And finally i told him. I just poured everything out. And the best part was, i wasn't even angry. I was just pasrah.

He was hurt by some of the things i said. But i couldn't care less. Coz that was how i felt. And i told him that he's always trying to find excuses. He held my hand and said that's not true. I tried to take my hand back but he wouldn't let go. And then we were quiet for a long while and i fell asleep. Was drifting between slumberland and consciousness when he called my name and turned to me. And then the things he said just melted me. Just blew away the wall that i had put up for the whole week. Just reached into my soul and messed everything up again. And once again, we slept in each other's embrace.

But i'm not hoping for anything. With him, i've learnt not to expect. Learnt not to hope. If he keeps to what he says then it'd be really good for both of us. But if he doesn't, then... it'd just be like how it is rite now. Time to build that wall again.

On another note, i've got black hair now. And let me just say, there's nothing sexier and more elegant than soft, black hair. :)

Good night

Another day, another week. Good night world.

Wearing experience

Urgh... everytime i come home, i'd feel damn happy. Happy to be back in my home, see my family, sleep in my room etc. But after a while, it gets really really wearing. On my nerves! I mean, i understand that all they wanna do is make my stay comfortable and they want me to eat good food and so but why can't they just leave me alone for one second?!?!?! And they keep asking me to eat! And eat! And just to please, i'd eat. Even though i'm freaking full! Sigh, I mean, sometimes i just wanna read a book or watch tv and don't feel like talking or eating but no... they'd have to talk and talk and talk and nag and complain (especially the nagging.. i can't stand the nagging!!!) until i feel like tearing my hair out! So sometimes, i just give one word answers or better yet, don't answer at all, and then mum will complain how come i don't talk to her like her other friends' children. And then i'd feel bad. But yea, i can just imagine telling my mum my escapades and how i'm in a physical relationship with a dude and that i just recently got so high, i couldn't stop dancing and flirting. Imagine what she would say then! Why can't they just understand that i just feel like being anti social once in a while?

So i'd feel like going back to KL as soon as i can. Then, when i reach KL, i'd feel bad for not spending enough time with my family, for not talkng enough to them. But they just irritate me so much at times!!! AARGH!!! Ish... the ups and downs of being home. Forget the last post, man bout feeling good being home. That feeling lasts about maybe a day. Jeebers. I guess i've been living away from home for too long. Living alone too long now that family fawning gets tiring. Either that or maybe it's just me. I'm weird. I yearn for company but at the same time, i wanna be alone. What's wrong with me? I always end up feeling bad and guilty when i leave home and go back to KL.

Anyway, i'll be leaving soon. So just to please em, i'm going to have to go downstairs and.. u guessed it.. eat. How not to get fat?!?!?!?

Home sweet home

Aah... it feels real sweet to be writing from my home. And i mean home. Not house, not room, not apartment... but home. As some of my friends have put it before, home is where your family is. Started from SK at around 10 something and reached home at 2 something. During the drive i realised i need new cds. Getting bored with the ones i have already.

BCB called me up for an interview this wednesday. The position is for a corporate banking executive. God knows what that is all about. As long it's not sales. Anyway, it sounds pretty alrite. Had a phone interview before they called me again. I'll just go and see what it's about. Hopefully it's something really good :) Only problem is it's at 10 am. And i'm not too sure how to get there. Good God.. imagine if it's really something better and i get accepted. Wow. But i'm not gonna think about it. Don't wanna get any hopes up at all. I just want my stupid company now to announce the bonus and increment so that i'd at least know what my next step will be.

Was thinking of going to Yayasan Salam and seeing what kind of program is available. The thought of going to camobodia or wherever sounds really tempting. I feel like i wanna do something with my life. Somethign different. Something that may be able to help others and make a change. I can just imagine telling my parents that i'll be going to God knows where to do volunteer work. :)

Have i written that it feels really good to be home? Really, there's no place like home. No other place i just wanna hang, watch tv and eat home cooked food.

Drunkards and Hangovers

Oh man... I woke up this morning and had a massive hangover. There goes my plan of driving back home today :) But the hangover was well worth it. Had an extremely good time at Waikiki's. And i mean a REALLY good time. If you know what i mean... And i'm such a kudi-kari. And i realised i know quite a bit of Tamil. Not bad Hele, not bad. I also realised i can be somewhat of a flirt too :) BUt only when i'm high of coz. Also, i think i'm quite the cupid. Hmm... looks like i discovered stuff about myself last nite. What a night, i tell ya. Nothin like the high feeling one gets when one has imbibed a wee bit too much alcohol. Man, i haven't felt like this in a long while. The drinks, the dancing, the company, the flirting, more dancing, more drinks, socializing... to relive last night again :)

Pictures

Just thought i'd put up the link to my photos.


http://www.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=67b0de21b37084d1a45d (work pictures)

http://www.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=67b0de21b3716ff4c4d9 (eastin party)

Monday's over!

Yay! I got thru this bloody day! Don't know why but today was just especially bad for me. I don't usually feel like this every monday but i just woke up today and thought 'fuck...' Anyway, went to work and very nearly went back home early on the pretense that i was sick :) Unfortunately had no one to pick me up from work so i stuck thru the day. Thank God for irritating colleagus who just irritate you just much until you have no choice but to energize yourself to scold them :) And also gossip mates who fill your ears with the latest updates in the company ie who's dating who, who likes who etc. What can i say... i have a great bunch of colleagues who just somehow manages to entertain me and get me thru days like these.. when the thought of going to work is just so unbearable.

And so right now, to celebrate the end of monday (for me at least), i'm gonna curl up under the blankie, watch old episodes of Simpsons, drink milk and eat chocolate chip cookies. Sounds just about perfect.

Monday blues

Woke up with a splitting headache, sore limbs and the thought that i have to go to work. I hate mondays....

Aches and Pains

My whole body is fucking aching. My legs hurt. My arms hurt. My belly hurts. Thanks to netball yesterday. Yes, I actually played netball. After God knows how long. And i realised how fucking unfit i am. Felt so damn tired after just playing for a while. But it was fun. Tiring but exhilirating. Nothing like exercise and fresh air.

But now i'm suffering from the aftereffects. Tired and strained muscles. Even typing is taking some effort. I just feel immersing myself in a tub of warm water filled with bubbles and having a good book to read. Unfortuantely, no tub and no good book. I need to go book shopping really badly.

On another note, celebrated sylvio's b'day last night. Had the most amazing bak kut teh ever :) Of coz since it was accompanied with great company and interesting conversation, the meal was just spiced up even more. After the amount of meat, we moved on to dessert. And what better dessert than McDonald's ice cream :) Plus, we had syl's b'day cake which was this moist chocolate cake. Yum... Man do i feel fat now! And what better way to end the night by hanging out with your girlfriends, watching a movie, taking cock and then finally meeting the one you like and going to sleep with his arms around you and a smile on his face.

Everytime i say i wanna pull away, i get sucked back in. I'm such a ninny and a sucker. But what to do... I'm currently hooked on him. At least now i know where i stand with him. So let's just hope i meet my prince charming really soon!!!

Two friends around me have gotten themselves on the 'relationship' train. And seeing them in love and happy makes me so envious at times. I mean i used to be like that. :) I look at Annie and i feel really happy for her. Happy that she's found someone she can connect with after so long. That she's found someone after thinking she's gonna end up alone. With Melissa though, it's a bit weird. Considering the fact that the dude just told me he liked me like about a month ago. I'm really wondering if she knows bout that little incident in PD. :) ANyway, it's not my problem but it's just weird la.

Ooh... speaking bout weird... reading bout your ex-boyfriend getting together with another girl is weird! Yes, Ed seems to be getting together with Evonne. And reading bout it is making me feel really really off. I mean, i don't want the dude but it's just really weird reading how much a girl likes your ex-boyfriend, and what they did and where he took her etc. And to read bout him taking her to a restaurant where I took him to... is even weirder. I guess i'm just a little sore that he's in a relationship. And that she's still so young and filled with romantice dreams and that life is still a bed of roses for her. When i'm already disillusioned with love and life and just so jaded. Oh god.. I'm so old and bitter! :) Look at what age does to you.

Sigh... i've come to realise that actually friends are all i need now. And i've got a bunch of really great and wanky friends. So sylvia, happy birthday to you and here's to more b'days we'd celebrate together!