Shitola

Why do I feel so insulted when I found out that after my relationship with ed ended, he automatically went back to pining for that girl again? I mean, it's not like he broke up with me. After all, i was the who called off the relationship. Jeebers... I'd like to think i made an impact in his life! Or at least maybe a little dent! Now after reading his blog, it just seems as if i was a pit stop. A transit. Sigh... i guess it really doesn't matter anymore but still!

Read evonne's blog too. I really feel sorry for her. She really likes that dang ed who's pining away for some girl who doens't give two hoots about him. Who's just playing him like a fisherman would play a fish hooked on his line. I mean, i get really irritated with at times... especially those times when i wasn't with him yet and he told me bout how this girl had been treating him and stuff. I mean c'mon! It's so obvious that she's playing you!

Other times i really wonder how it feels like to really like one person for so long. To think the world of that person. To be willign to do anything for that person. To only want to be with that one person. Is this what is called love?

I've never had that kind of feeling before. That feeling of only wanting to be with that person. I mean yeah, when i'm lonely i guess i'll feel that way. Heck, anyone would feel that way. But i've never felt that kind of longing. That kind of wanting. With my past relationships, it was just a matter of filling time and doing stuff together and of course satisfying those hormones. No wait, i'm being too hard on myself. I should say that i HAVE felt those things but perhaps not so much in depth. And not so often as well. I was just thinking and i don't think i ever wanna have that feeling. That wanting and longing. Makes you so dependent on that person. As if i would die for that person. And i don't like being dependent. On anybody.

I like the fact that i can live my life alone. Albeit it'd get lonely at times, but i think i'm pretty much a loner. Gimme a a good book and iced tea anyday. And i LIKE shopping alone. I like spending time by myself and just browsing without a worry in the world (except maybe not having enough cash).

I suppose what i have now with vj is kind of perfect. I can live my life and he lives his. Don't have to be like siamese twins and do everything together. I'm cool with the fact that we can both live seperate lives and yet be together. I'm cool with that we've got different sets of friends. I guess i'm just cool with my whole situation with him right now. Although sometime, i do feel like wanting more but i know that's not what i want right now.

ALthough he's not perfect and i know he can be quite unreliable at times, i like being with him. I enjoy his company. I like talking to him. I like the way he listens to me when i complain about work. I like the way he looks at me. I like the way he strokes my hair, my cheek. I like the way he holds my hand to his face when he's sleeping. The way he hugs me to him just before he nods off to slumberland. I like the way he smiles at me and calls me Japanese. I like the way he kisses me. The bear hugs that he gives me just before he leaves. The gentle kiss on the forehead before he leaves. The way he laughs at the nonsensical things i say. The way he's so fascinated by my facial expressions. The way he apologizes when i get mad at him. The way he tries to irritate me and gets irritated instead when his plan didn't work. The way he tells me i'm cute and sweet. The way he tells me he likes my ass :) And oh gosh... the way he touches me in private :) Let's just say the bedroom games are good.

Oh man... something tells me that i'm falling real hard for this guy. Someone get me rope to hold on too!