I finally got it done. My tattoo. And it was surprisingly easy. Did not hurt at all. Well, not much anyway. Not as much as i expected. And now i'm damn excited.

However, on that very same day... i found out that i did NOT get the position. I was so fucking disappointed, i nearly broke down. Even though i kept telling myself not to expect anything, not to hope... it still hurts... really badly. I was so lost for the whole day. And the disappointment was so apparent on my face. Coz everyone knew. And the more ppl came to talk to me about it, the worse i felt. And the worst part is having ppl tell me that I should have been the one to have gotten it instead of him. Whatmore if some of those ppl are from higher levels. And hearing that there's contention among the managers bout the decision is also not helping. The fact is this.. no matter what the contention, what other ppl think.. the decision has already made and announced. And i didn't get it. That's that. I didn't know what to do for a while there. But i talked to a good friend of mine who's a newly promoted manager and he asked me a very important question. Am i willing to wait for another opportunity? And i told him honestly that yes, i am willing to wait but i'm not gonna wait for too long. And he asked me if i could wait for 2 - 3 months. And i said i didn't know. I'd have to think bout it. And over the weekend, i did think about it. And i AM willing to wait. Coz i know that if there's another opening, i'm going to get it this time. Through my own hard work, pure will and determination. I like my job. I like the ppl in my company. And waiting another 2 - 3 months is no biggie. But if i don't get anything after that time... i'd know my destiny ain't with this company and it'd be time for me to leave then. But i KNOW i'm going to get it the next time round. Maybe i didn't do that well during the interview coz i was nervous. I knew everyone expected me to perform and everyone expected me to get it. But i've got no one to blame except myself. But i also know that i didn't screw up the interview. I went in there, and i gave it my best. Perhaps i just didn't come across as clear as i should have. And perhaps i didn't answer the questions and explain myself thoroughly enough. Nevertheless... i'll wait. And i'll get it this time.

My sayang's gone back home. And he'll be there for two weeks. And i'm already missing him. Sigh. Two weeks without him. I know i'm being lame and shit for complaining and whining but this would be the longest we've been apart ever since we got together. We're such an odd couple but yet we're together :) Was just reading Bill's blog and the song 'Angel of the morning'. And i'm really really lucky to have someone wake up beside me and touch my cheek, kiss me on the lips and call me sayang. Or should i say babi since that's what he calls me. I'm his babi and he's my botak. I know this post is gonna be damn mushy and all but heck.. i'm feeling a little lonely here. And it's nice to write about him.

Damn. Just got an sms from him. Jeez... missing him like mad!

I don't understand why, after spending a nice weekend with him, we have to argue when monday comes? I had loads of fun the whole weekend with him but we just had to fight on monday. Just like last week. And the week before that. There's just something about mondays i think. Ish. Unexplainable mysteries.

On anoother note about work, i really really want the position. A million questions are running thru my head. Actually just one. What if i don't get the position? What will be my next move? I know i'm definitely leaving if i don't get it. I'm good enough for the job and if i don't get it, then either a) i fucked up during the interview or b) some ppl are biased. And i don't think it can be a) coz i know i did well. I mean my fucking interview was for like 50 mintues! And i just talked and talked and i think i managed to sell myself. Oh well. Really can't tell. This company works in mysterious ways. But it's just so frustrating to see them hiring externally ppl who are so incompetant and just plain dumb. And these ppl are at a level higher than me. Best part is, my direct manager is one hell of a bimbo. And i'm thinking, if they can hire ppl like her, why can't they see the value in me? I know i'm being arrogant, but it's true! I know i can definitly do a better job than her anyway. It really really is frustrating to see this happening. So, let's just hope i can get the position. Because if i don't, i really don't know what to do. For the meantime anyway.

Pranks are a really mean trick to play on people. Innocent people. Especially pranks that can really touch the heart and kill you inside. I was sleeping soundly when a stupid stunt was pulled on me. And i was really angry (since i didn't know it was a prank i obviously bought his story) at him. Angry, disappointed, sad, hurt etc. And to find out in the morning that it was all a joke. A stupid tasteless joke. What an idiot. What a mangkuk.

I've had a long long day. Came back from clubbin at 8 am, took a shower, slept and was out again by 12. Met up with annie, syl n tubs. Had loads of fun. Ate some weird claypot curry chicken rice at SS2. Then did some poser yuppie coffee bean thingy. Took a drive to cyberjaya, then hung out in my room until everyone was hungry then went to have dinner cum supper.

It's amazing how we can just spend the whole day with each other and not get bored. We can just sit somewhere, have a drink and go on talking and yakking away till the sun sets and rises again. We are just so elite. And the best part is, we can go on telling and rehashing the same stories over and over again and yet we'd still find it extremely funny and will be rolling on the ground laughing. I'm telling ya, you can never find friends like these. Friends who can just enjoy each others' company and just kutuk and swear at each other all in good fun. Sigh... i love those guys.

Going to get some shut eye now. Real tired.

Melancholy...

Feelin a bit melancholy rite now... don't know why. I'm sick again :) Caught it from vijay. Was so tempted to ditch work and just stay at home with him but my conscience just wouldn't let me. So i went to work and felt terrible. Wnet home after an hour at work. What a waste of fucking time. I could have been sleeping all the while. Anyway, at least i had nice lunch/dinner. Oh and apparently my tonsils are swollen and i have wind in my tummy. And i'm supposed to drink lots of warm water (yucks) and eat porridge and bread for the next week (double yucks). Yeah... as if i'm gonna follow the doctor's orders.

Looks like i've got weekend plans :) Meeting up with the chickos for breakfast and a movie. Should be fun. Plus... we've finally decided to go to East Malaysia for my core leave. Will now put it to August. And hopefully the plan materialises!!!

Went out for a drink last night and i got into a massive arguement with vijay on why he was so adamant bout not wanting to bring me home. It's not that i would go back to his hometown with him but i jsut wanted to know that he wouldn't be ashamed to bring me home and show me to his family. Finally the explanation (and this came from his good friend - vinesh) was that it's hard for indians to bring home a girl of another caste, let alone another race. I can't remember what caste vijay's from but it's some land owner caste. Vinesh is kinda having the same problem since his girlfriend is this chinese girl too. Anyway, i dont' know whether the whole explanation is true but i bought it. Now i'm supposed to go back to muar with both of them and stay with vinesh and we're all just 'friends'. Right... as if i'm gonna go.

Urgh... looking around my room and it's such a mess. Another plan for the weekend. Clean up room. My shopping bags from last week are still on the floor with the purchases still in them. My laundry is still unpacked. Books that i've read are still lying on the table. My blanket is pushed into one corner of the bed. Crumpled tissues on the floor next to my bed courtesy of my runny nose. Ish ish.. i'm living in a pig sty!!! Where's a maid when i need one? Any volounteers?

Yawn...

I'm so bored right now. Everyone i know has gone for work. Yes.. even though it's a bank holiday in the UK some ppl have to go to work. And just so happened that my gang is working :( So right now, i'm at home passin time by writing on my blog.

This past weekend has been somewhat nice for me. Really enjoyed myself this weekend. Went clubbing on friday, woke up really late on saturday evening, went for dinner with sayang, met up with the voices dudes (really miss those guys) then going back home to sayang. Spent the whole sunday with him. We didn't even do anything on sunday. Just lazed around, went for lunch/tea, lamed around in midvalley for a while, wanted to catch a movie but the line was just too freakin long, went back to his apartment to get some dvds, got waylaid there for a while :), came back to my house, had dinner, watched 2 movies, lamed a bit more, talked a whole lot of cock, had supper then finally slept. What an interesting and productive day :) ANd i also think this is the fist time in a long while that i've spend the whole day with him, just the both of us. I feel really contented with myself. And with us. I'm really happy that the idiot has finally admitted that he loves me :)

Trying to figure out what i should do today. Think i'll go get a manicure. Then i'll go shopping for some clothes. Then some books. Need to stock up on books. Maybe get something for him. A pair of slippers or something since he's been eyeing Daryl's. Maybe catch a movie. Been wanting to watch Shrek2 for sometime now. Then come back and bask in the warmth of my shopping :) I am so lame. But it's things like these that make me happy sometimes.

I kinda miss home. But my core leave's coming up so think i'll just wait for another couple of weeks before going back home. Looks like i'm not going anywhere this year. Oh well, at least i can say i've already gone to RA and enjoyed myself. I really really wanna go back to Bangkok and just shop like mad. Felt really nostalgic hearing the kids talk bout bangkok and looking at the pictures of asians. Just felt like i wanna go back to those times.

Apparently there's some issue within the club that some ppl aren't happy bout the money being allocated for teams etc. And i was thinking how spoiled these kids are. That just because the club has money now after australs, everyone just wants a piece. What happened to the committed ppl of the club who would just pay to go for tournaments? Annu and I were just looking at each other and rolling our eyes. Farrah, Annu and i paid for ALL our tournaments and never complained one bit. Okay so maybe we did complain sometimes but we still paid and we went representing Voices MMU which is the most important thing after all. Now, just coz the club has money, everyone thinks they should be sponsored. Yeah right. First of all, the new kids don't even have the kind of committment and dedication we used to show. Second, they dont' know how hard it was for us to get sponsorship from uni and how hard we had to work just to prove ourselves. These kids have it easy and they still wanna complain. I'm really wondering what's gonna happen when the seniors graduate. Seniors like Tate, Balloons, Dengz... even ppl like Mac and Ed don't show enough committment. Who's gonna carry the ball next? The reason why the seniors are so dedicated is because they know how hard it was for the founders to build up Voices and to make it the debating society it is today. How all the unis in Malaysia look up to Voices coz of what we have achieved. How those from other unis wanna train with us. Whatever happened to pure love for the club? Treating the ppl in the club as your family. Coz that's what the ppl in voices mean to most of us. They're part of our lives now. Adn they're definitely more than just friends. I just hope voices doens't die out once the seniors leave. That would be so sad. And such a waste.

Do i wanna leave?

That question has been bugging me for the last 2 months. Do i wanna leave the company? And i still don't have the fucking ansewr. I applied for the internal opening and i'm really hoping that i get it. I really really want that position. But the BCB ppl finally called me and they want me to start 1st July. Which means if i take this job i would have to pay the comapny back at least a month. A few other ppl have said it would be better to move on to better things. And sometimes i think that's right. But other times, i'm just so happy there. I'm alrite with the job. I know my job well. Ppl respect me and look up to me. My managers are alrite with me. I've got great friends. And i'm thinking, if i'm so happy, why leave? Isn't personal satisfaction more important than anything? But someitmes i feel so restless. LIke i can be doing so much more with my life.I can be doing somethign so much more challenging. Sigh.. i really dont know. I feel like i've hit a rock in my life right now. Whether to still cling onto that rock or let go and let the current sweep me away to other places. I realise that i've got several of these type of posts before... but like i said... the question of moving on has always been there but i just don't how to answer it.

Paranoia?

Ever been worried when you find out a friend has the hots for the guys you're with? I recently found out that this friend from work likes vijay. I dont' know if she just wants to do him or she really really likes him.. but i'm really bothered by it. I mean, she's my friend and all and we go clubbing together... so it's really weird for me. He knows that she likes him too but he assures me that he doesn't like her and i believe him. But the nagging feeling is just there. And i know she tried to hit on him once already when i wasn't around... or more like she kissed him! Luckily he had the rational to pull back even though he was massively high at that time. So now i'm left wondering if she'll pull that kind of stunt again. And what if he's not that rational the next time? Sigh... I know i cant' do anything bout it but... i just feel really really bothered by that fact. Everytime when i'm with him and she's around, i can feel her looking at us. Even that night when we went clubbing and me and him were just together. And when we were back in the apartment with everyone else and i was being 'manja' with him. Aargh... I hate this feeling. I mean, she's a nice girl and she's a friend and i know it's not her fault if she likes him but still...!!!

On another note, the mmu kids lost in the quarters. Tough luck. And it's an Atenean finals. Ish ish... thank goodness we didn't go crazy and just fly up there.

Had the company launching of the new building today. Everyone was just so dressed up! Including yours truly of course :) Wore my new saree and all.


I feel so pretty...

Woo Hoo...

Damn.. last night was one of the best clubbing nights ever! Went to voyeur in bangsar but the crowd there was very thin at first and i was thinking 'okay... this looks boring..' but then we got a bottle of JD and just started drinking anyway. Bought tequila shots for everyone coz it was freakin cheap. The night really started swinging when we danced on the podium... hehehe... Then, we actually danced on the bar top! Just like coyote ugly! Heehe... and we got free tequila shots for that. Just for dancing on the bar top! Man.. i never imagined myself dancing like that anywhere! The whole night was just amazing. And obviously i got myself swinging in a way i haven't swung in quite a while :) But he was really attentive to me and took care of me and shait. Even in his apartment when everyone else was still drinking. He opted to stay with me when i felt really really sick. That's when i realised how much he actually cares for me. No matter all the bullshit he tells me, he cares for me. A lot. And I'm really happy to know that.

Anyway, today is recovery day. Don't feel like doing anythign except eat and sleep and laze around the house, watching tv or just some light reading. My calfs ache from all the dancing in high heels. I realised i kinda tore my skirt too and i have no idea how that happened. Damn. And i really liked that skirt.

No news bout the breaking teams in Asians yet. I really really hope both teams made it to the semis. That would be fucking elite. They're probably at the championship dinner now. I so badly wanna be there!!!

2 Teams broke!

Fuck! MMU 1 and 2 broke! I feel so proud! And i'm really tempted to fly up to thailand just to watch them debate the breaking rounds. Pity bout MMU 3 though. 5-3 and they didn't make it. Oh well... all of them are still young.. many many more tournaments to prove themselves. Can just imagine the euphoria all of them are feeling right now. I wanna be part of it too!

Tired...

I'm so tired. Just got back from playing futsol. Seems as if that's the 'in' thing right now at the office. Everyone's playing it. Won our game. Hehehe... so we've got bragging rights on Monday!

Stupid BCB ppl told me that my status is still KIV. I was like 'What the fuck?!' but i just kept quite coz they might still want me and i'll just patiently wait for their call... again. This sucks. Just when i thought i could hand in my letter of resignation. Oh well. Let's just hope the internal opening thingy goes well.

Monday's the launching of our new building with Pak Lah coming over. I can't believe i passed up a chance to talk to the guy. But what the hell. I'm not so into these things. Will be wearing some traditional baju. Hope i look good!

Been pretty busy this week. Work wise. Social life too. :) Might be going clubbing tomorrow night. Hopefully. And i've got netball selections tomorrow too. Don't know if i'll go for that but.. we'll see.

The kids are in bangkok right now. I wonder how many teams broke. The plan was to fly up there if 3 MMU teams broke. Oh fuck... i couldn't get leave for the BEP concert. Farrah will begoing with a friend. I'm so jealous. I really really wanted to go. My boss sucks.

I'm rambling. My mind ain't functioning that well right now. Probably coz my head got hit by a flying football just now. It's also late. I could be having breakfast in a while. I'm so so tired.... Need sleep now....

Yay!

Yay! I finally found a way to put pictures up on my blog! Horray for me.. and i did this all by myself...


Don't I just look cute? :)

Moving on

I suddenly have this insane urge to move on with my life. I feel that my life has hit a rock and i'm just stagnant. Not moving anywhere. I just want to get on with my life. Move on in my career. Move on from pandian. Just a general shift and change in my life. I also feel like leaving my company really badly. I just feel that i can't go anywhere from where i am now. Even if it means starting all over again, i want to make that step. I just want to prove myself capable of surviving. I just want to do somethign in my life. I want a job that would enable to me use my brains every single minute. To keep me on my toes all the time. To be ready and sharp and on the edge. I just feel so restless right now. I wanna do something! Anything! Called the BCB ppl today but the lady who spoke to me ain't around and will only be back on Monday. So will try again on monday. Am also applying for a position which opened. Don't know what my chances are of getting it. After all, there'd be tons more ppl applying and only 2 vacancies. But then again, it's not something i really wanna do anyway. But just trying my luck anyway.

I've moved on from Kiley. I just think he and this gf are just being extremely childish, paranoid and neurotic. Everyone's been saying to let him do what he wants and he'll realise soon enough how stupid all this is. Oh well... I'd like to thank everyone for their support though... Everyone's been really helpful and supportive.

Jeebers... I feel like drinking all of a sudden. Drinking, smoking, partying. I've become really addicted to that lifestyle. Every week I just feel like going clubbing. But unfortunately, me finances can't keep up. :) Add the shopping and there goes my $$. Just looking at my credit card statements every month is enough to make me just stay at home.

Was having a chat with Farrah yesterday after work. We just sat and talked bout life, our jobs, lovelives etc. Talked about staying on our own. And the thought of staying by myself just sounded so appealing. I really want to get like a studio apartment and just move in there by myself. I can decorate it anyway i want to. Don't have to worry bout the place getting dirty coz it's be ME dirtying it anyway. Man.. if i can find a place like that for 300 bucks... i'd shift in there right away! So if anyone knows a place like that... do let me know :)

Friends

I've just lost a friend. A really good friend. All because his current girlfriend is 'bothered' about him being so close to me. And so she wants him to end his friendship with me. And he did.

I'm now sitting wondering how stupid he is. And how stupid she is. First of all, we've been apart for over 2 years now. Secondly, we're not even on the same bloody continent. He's in Australia and i'm in freakin Malaysia. How threatened can she feel?!?!? I'm feeling really really angry rite now. If i can see him right now i'd just about punch his stupid face.

I've known the dude for nearly 7 years.. and he's just gonna throw it all away for her. I can understand how she might feel insecure and shit but it's not like we're in close proximity or anything like that! Jeebers!!! I really really don't know what to say. I'm just speechless.

I thought i knew him. But i guess ppl change. And since he's in a new relationship i guess all he wants to do is make her happy. But not at MY expense as well! A year ago, he wouldn't have contemplated such a thing. I just dont' know him anymore. I suppose the year in Aussie has changed him. NOt only physically but emotionally as well. Fuck him. I'm so so disappointed in him. We've stood by each other all these years and now suddenly i'm not suppoesd to be his friend anymore. What the fuck?!?!?

He tells me that he really treasures our friendship and that i'm really special to him etc but he says all that has to be put in the past. She doesn't like me being friends with you so this is goodbye. What the bloody hell fuck??!??!?!?! I just wanna curse right now. ANd he tells me please try to understand. Understand what? The fact that we're in different countries but she still feels insecure? The fact that i'm not even the least bit interested in you romantically and vice versa but she still feels threatened? Understand what?!?!?! There's bloody well nothing to understand. Understand that you're throwing our friendship away just coz your partner doesn't like me?!?!?

I'm running out of energy... I'm just so very very sad now...

PHD...

Still suffering from PHD. Oh well, all good things must come to an end. Sucks though. I keep thinking if only we had a few more days there. Damn. Anyway, have got the photos uploaded onto my shutterfly account. Can't do it on fotopages. It keeps hanging when i try uploading em onto fotopages. Anyway, this is the link:

http://share.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=EeANGrVszaOWruQ

I was just recalling back the trip and trying to figure out which part/day was the funnest and i realised the whole trip was equally fun. As in, nothing surpassed each other. From day one to day four... everything was just perfect. The part where we got called the anal car coz we didn't stop anywhere, the expensive but delicious sotong, the trip to Kuala Terengganu, the struggle with Botex, Garage, Syl and Farrah when they dragged me into the sea with my denim shorts on, the sight of the dudes naked (not a pleasant sight i tell ya), the BBQ, the thanni sessions, the burning questions we asked each other, the soul searching by the beach, the mooning and flashing, the boat ride to pulau kapas, the snorkelling itself, laughing at thiru aka landak boy when he stepped on some sea urchins, getting burnt and suffering the effects now.... Sigh.. i gotta say, thanks so much dudes for making this whole trip a success. Wouldn't have been the same if the company was so elite and cekap :)

Was just reading the other dudes blogs and everyone was just writing about RA. Hehehe... we all had fun. The trip had a really lasting impact on me. Ooh.. forgot to mention that i came out in the NST. There was a reporter from NST there on our last day and was interviewing Syl and I about why we chose to come to Rantau etc... The article is really small and there's a really bad picture of me there.. but hey.. how many ppl can say they were in the papers? Oh yes, we also came up with a plan in the future. The ppl of the RA trip will be opening a resort! And we each have a role to play. It was extremely funny talking about it. Adn it would be really elite if it came true. Imagine having a business with your best friends and growing old with them too. Hehehe...

On another note, went to play futsal last night after work. Was a bit apprehensive at first coz i've never played the game before. But there were a few other girls and it was real fun. Tiring but fun. Got elbowed in the head by nantha and now there's a bruise on my forehead. Hopefully i can hide it with makeup later. Jeebers.. imagine going to work with a bruise in the middle of my forehead. LIke kena abuse or something. Hehehe.... Juliana and I are a bit scared of the match on saturday. We were watching the guys playing among themselves and they got really rough. Even when we were playing with them it was pretty ganas already. Worst part is, there'll only be one girl in our team at a time. Meaning we'd have to play without each other! Jeebers... i figured i just gotta be brutal as well and hope that some of the guys will be soft hearted enough not to bang me. Coz i'm pretty sure i'll just go flyign into the net!

AAH.. .the bruise on my head is becoming more painful as i touch it. Jeebers....

Post Holiday Depression

We're back from the East coast. And now suffering from a post holiday depression. This is the part where i'd have to return back to reality. No more enjoying myself and just ignoring the rest of the world. Oh well... time to get on with life.

The whole trip was just surreal. Extremely surreal. Had shit loads of fun with the gang. I first wanted to post the entire trip starting from day one to the last day but now i'm thinking i don't wanna do that. Just feel like keeping those memories in my head and holding them close to my heart.

I can't even begin to describe the beauty of the beach and the sea. The sight and sound of the waves hitting the shore was just absolutely breathtaking. The friendliness of the resort owners just made us feel so at home. The bbq dinner we had, the swimming together, the snorkelling trip... everything was just perfect. No plans were made but everything just fell into place nicely. No one got irritated. No one got pissed off. No one was whining. No one was complaining. It was just perfect. Sigh...

And so now.. i'm gonna try uplodaing the gazillion photos we took. I am just feeling so nostalgic right now...

RA here we come!

Finally, our rantau trip is materialising. AFter weeks and weeks of planning. Pretty excited bout it. Although i know i'm gonna be a zombie during the drive there coz going clubbing tonight but never mind... the company will be great! :) Gonna take loads of pictures! ALready got my pareo and hat and swimsuit... so i'm ready!!!

On another note, i'm pretty ticked off at stupid pandian. He can be such an arsehole.

Regarding the job offer, they haven't called me back!!! I'm now wondering how long does it take to prepare an offer letter? I mean, they can't call me and tell me i've got the job and then not call me back for the offer letter right? Jeebers, i'm now thinking if it's really this lembap, how is it gonna be working there? Oh well, at least i still don't have to decide yet.

Oops, gotta dress for work now. Rantau abang and the penyus... get ready for voices!!!

Sick sick sick...

Urgh.. i hate being sick. Hate that funny taste in my mouth which i can't wash off no matter how much water i drink. Jeebers.. haven't been sick in a while. Stayed home from work today. Didn't know i could sleep that much :) At least i did something productive as well. Swept my room and changed the bedsheets. Sneding clothes to laundry tomorrow.

Gosh, i can't wait for the RA trip. I don't know why but i just feel it's gonna be a blast. Wish more ppl were coming though. Ppl like Logan, Sumi...It'd be just like old times if they come. The gang complete again.

I feel so shitty rite now. As in physically. Throat hurts. Can't stop coughing. Nose running. And no one to jaga me right now.
:( But he's coming over... so.. just gotta wait for now. And i need to eat real food!!! Have been eating biscuits and nestum the whole day. Easily digestible food, so the doctor says. Gimme some meat anyday!!! A ciggie would taste so good rite now. Quite happy that i'm able to control the amount i smoke.

Ish ish.. i'm rambling. And this post may not make sense. BUt my mind just ain't functioning properly rite now. Actually, the world seems as if it's a little topsy turvy thru my eyes. Cna't even type properly. BUt just needed a place to babble and ramble.

This dude said i looked like a gangster yesterday at work. Hehehe... i couldn't stop laughing. He said i look like a tai ka cheh. So i told him not to mess with me. Since i'm a gangster and all. I'm so full of shit. And crap. How can ppl stand me! I am also very very bored. No one's home rite now so i've got no one to talk to. Called my bestest fren back in penang just now. And got updated with news and gossip :) I need to go back home and hang with my frens back home. Haven't seen htem in a long while now. Sometimes i get too preoccupied with my life ehre and neglect my frens back home. Feel really guilty when they ask when i'm coming back and how come i dont' go back to meet up with them etc. Need to make it a point to go back home at least once a month to hang and chill with them.

I'm playing futsal. For my process. Against other processes. They need one girl in each team and no one wanted to join so when nanthan asked me, i just said okay. And now i'm seriously regretting it. Have no idea how to play. I'm still laughing at myself for saying yes. But i was quite happy that they all think i'm really sporting and all. Oh how much my colleagues love me :)

Saw that stupid girl at work yesterday and got all pissed off and irritated again. She just looks like such a slut. Can't stand the sight of her. And the way she was dancing with him!!!!! Just makes my blood boil. Hmph! Was quite happy that he got tension when i was dancing with the white dude :)

Oh Gosh... this post is just so full of crap. Tired now. Wanna go lie down. Darling where are you?!?!?!?!

Retail therapy

There's nothing more soothing and relaxing than retail therapy. I would seriously recommend this to everyone who's got a bit of money to spend and is just feeling down and confused. Go to a shopping mall, try on clothes that you like and just buy em. Don't think. Just get the cash/card out and get that item. You would feel SO good after that. Get something outrageous too. And then wear it the next time you go out. :) Spent a whole lot of money today. But it felt good. Feeling slightly guilty right now... but never mind :) And what better way to end the day than having a stick.

I'm really glad that the Rantau Abang trip is happening. It would feel extremely good to just get out of KL and go to a place i've never been and just chill out. I can just picture it right now. Sitting on the beach with nothing but my swimsuit and pareo, an ice cold beer in one hand and a ciggie in the other. The wind blowing through my hair, listening to the soothing sound of waves hitting the beach and taking in the magnificent sunset. And who better to enjoy all those things with than my kawan-kawan?

Don't wanna think bout this job thingy for a while. Was pretty messed up the whole weekend and i just wanna chill right now. Thank God for friends who took me out shopping :) Gonna talk to my boss tomorrow and see what my chances are in the company. I am just so afraid of starting over again. Having to make new friends again. Learning a new trade all over again. And i've just got a million things running thru my head. What if i screw up at my new job? What if i can't make new friends? What if ppl don't like me? Will i still have a social life then? What if i can't adapt to my new job? What if i regret leaving? This dude that resigned from the company and is now working elsewhere said something the other day that made me wake up. We asked him how it's like working elsewhere and he said 'Welcome to the real world'. And it is so true. Working in HSBC is nothing like what i've heard bout the working world. There's no overtime. No pressure. You go in to work at 3 and you leave at 12. That's all. EVeryone is just so sheltered. We're like in our own world. Everyone knows everyone (at least i used to - stupid company is now so big). Everyone i know loves me and cares for me.

Sigh... deep inside, i know what the right decision is. But i'm just putting it off till i've spoken to more ppl. Oh man... I'm just so afraid. What if i can't make new friends? What if the ppl there don't like me? What if i screw up and make some company lose millions of dollars? Shit. Corporate banking. NO joke man. I know it'd definitely be a good experience. If i move there it's not coz of the money. Obviously there's a salary jump.. more like a hop but it'd be good for my CV. Imagine the fields i can go to after that. I can work in any bank. It'd be a good career move i guess. I dont' know. I really don't. Sigh...

I'm just gonna dress up now, go to work, and try to enjoy my day. BTW, i would also recommend to get your nails done. Had a pedicure and i feel so pampered and girly rite now with pretty toes :)