Grr...

Disturbed I am by the recent (and not so recent) events happening back home while I am here in the land of sand. More importantly the issue about non-muslim citizens being threatened by one of our ‘esteemed’ ministers is extremely disturbing. Sick also I am about non-muslims citizens treated like second-class citizens. A few quotes which irked me:

Non-Muslims should not interfere in the religious affairs of Muslims, as this will make the Muslims uneasy.

How the heck does questioning something related to Islam make Muslims uneasy? And should we not ‘interfere’ in something that directly affects us? Especially the act which denies us the right of a fair trial in civil courts should be have converted into Islam. It’s not like we have been ‘interfering’ with what Muslims have been practising but isn’t it fair for us to question something that will directly affect our lives?

… warned that the Government would not hesitate to use the Sedition Act against those who insulted Islam.

So is it only Islam or will this apply to any other religion? Not that I agree to prosecuting anyone, but if you want to make a statement like that, then does it apply to all insults on any religion? Or like the double-standard way you govern, it only applies to whatever you want? Another point is how does questioning something become an insult? How does questioning an Act turn into an insult? Unless of course you’re thinking of the MPs we have in the Dewan Rakyat who do not think twice about shouting and hurling derogatory insults, then of course, questioning is insulting.

Expressing his concern about some recent articles written by non-Muslims, he said the tolerance level among Muslims was high.

Eh? Tolerance level among Muslims high? Then why would you think questioning something is an insult? And why would you think calling for a review and reform is an insult? Hallo? Why would everything related to Islam be an insult? If you’re talking tolerance, what about the tolerance level among non-muslims? Why not address that in the same breath?

“We do not want to take away your rights but religion is an important matter, especially to the Muslims,” he said.

Oh, so now religion is only important to Muslims? What about devout Christians, Buddhists, Hindus etc? Religion not so important, eh?

He said there was also no need to have a law to curb open discussions as the people could practise mutual respect, tolerance and understanding while taking into consideration religious sensitivities.

What the…? In the first few paragraphs, he threatens non-Muslims and then suddenly preaches about mutual respect, tolerance and understanding? Firstly, I think all of us are currently practicing tolerance, respect and understanding. Some more than others thanks to self-righteous pricks who first threaten us then tell us we’re tolerant. Secondly, I think the group of people which you call on to be tolerant are those whom you CLAIM are so tolerant that they’re bleeding tolerance out of their ears.
Again, this shows us the level of intelligence our esteemed ministers have. They really should learn to process before shooting out of their mouths. But then again, if there’s nothing much up there, then it’s no wonder.

Next comes this whole issue of wearing the ‘tudung’ for non-muslim women police officers during official parades. When I read this, the first thought that popped into my head was “Why the heck for?” And how does the ‘tudung’ translate into part of the police uniform? How does making a woman wear a ‘tudung’ add to uniformity? Oh wait, everyone’s head is now covered so it looks very uniformed. There’s Malaysian mentality for you. The worse part is that the non-muslim women featured in the article said the regulation should not be questioned. Again, Malaysian mentality. The take all the bullcrap that is handed down and sit down and shut up. Not that I’m a religious person, but isn’t the ‘tudung’ part of Islam where the women folk have to cover their hair? So how does that apply to uniformity? Why impose something religion-based onto those who are not part of that religion? This comes back to the IIU ‘tudung’ incident as well. If we’re practicing freedom of religion (to some extent) then why impose a uniform rule which is religion-based?
Anyway, more stuff did I read about IPMC, APs etc. I found the notion of the govt re-educating AP holders highly amusing. The last time I checked, these AP holders are already very rich businessmen made richer by the APs and certainly do not need our poorly managed govt re-educating them on how to make money. Unless it’s a course on how they can siphon more money from the govt. Then, I’m sure they’ll be very interested in your re-education.
Can’t upload the photos I took with my camera. Silly me. I brought the docking station for the camera but didn’t bring the usb cable to connect the dock to the laptop.

Interesting...

The land of cheap petrol and sand

Here I am, back again. Everyone I meet here goes "oh... you're back again..." ^_^ Chee... Anyway, I've been moved from the conference room to an office of my own. WooHoo. Better than back home! I now have my own room. Feels like I'm permanently working here. Will try to sneak some shots of the office.

Facing the same hurdles here. Trying to get in touch with these people is so hard! I don't know if they're conciously avoiding me or what. I mean, they're all very nice. But it's so hard to secure some time with them. Bleh... and sometimes, I'm also chicken shit... coz I feel like I've been 'in their face' too much... but that's what I have to do! Since being polite and nice and waiting for them to get back to me isn't working!

Note to self: must be more assertive.

Will wait for another hour to try calling these people again. Probably having lunch since it's lunchtime (duh!).

1 month hiatus

Ever since I found out that I’ll be returning to Bahrain in 2 weeks time, everything has been rather chaotic. And when I mean chaotic, I don’t mean my work but rather stuff has been happening between us and we’ve been arguing a lot.

I’m kinda feeling a bit tired of all this. Our ‘night n day’ working times is putting a huge strain on us. Is it wrong of me to spend as much as time as possible with him since I will be away for a whole month next week onwards?

He said he will stay at my place for the whole week after work. But now, since we spent the weekend together, he said he doesn’t have to anymore? Huh? Why must the 2 things relate to each other? I was assuming that they were mutually exclusive. But I’m not upset that he’s not staying with me considering his mobility problems. I’m just upset at why he can’t call or sms me to let me know that he isn’t coming. And I rushed myself yesterday to duplicate a set of keys for him, thinking that he was still coming over to my place.

I admit that I expressed myself poorly last night and made it seem as if I was upset at him not coming and not at him not calling. And then after our argument, I get an sms from him which was rather upsetting. The gist of it was this:
(a) he doesn’t spend as much time with his family as should because of me
(b) he should have just gone to PD over the weekend as planned instead of hanging out with me
(c) he has his work to worry about which is more important than staying with me

When I read the sms, I was just stumped.

(a) I don’t spend as much as time with my family as well ever since I’m with him. But I don’t go pointing my finger at him and say it’s his fault. I CHOOSE to stay back with him. And even though my choice is obviously because of him, it wouldn’t be fair for me to blame him for not going back home. Because it obviously isn’t his fault. It’s MY choice. So I found it really unfair for him to suddenly point his finger at me and say ‘it’s your fault I’m spending so little time at home’. WTF?!?
(b) Again, this boils down to choice. If under normal circumstances, by all means, go drinking with your buddies. But the difference this time is that I will be going away in a week’s time for a whole month. Obviously I would want him to spend the weekend with me. And I told him how I felt about it, but inevitably, the choice was his. Again like (a) it would have been influenced by me, but still, his choice. And if he had chosen to go, then it would have summarized where our relationship is. But he chose to stay with me and now suddenly, it’s my fault?
(c) Yes, worry about work. And because of his mobility problem, I admit that it was my fault for overreacting. And I understand why he was feeling down last night. But I overreacted because he didn’t tell me he wasn’t coming and I had to call him to find out. And it was already 5 am at that time. Of course I was cranky.

And so I didn’t reply his sms because I was upset and I knew that I would say something that would worsen the situation. But I couldn’t sleep after that and was tossing and turning for over an hour plus. From that sms, I derived that his family comes first, friends second, work third and then me. After all, his exact words were “you’re just my girlfriend, that’s all”. Obviously family comes first. But what about friends and work? Shouldn’t there be some sort of balance? I know we’ve tried to achieve some sort of balance so why suddenly turn around and put me at the bottom of the list? I’m the only person he can say “no” to. With everyone else, it’s “sure, I’m there”. Does that not scream taking me for granted?

I think it’s time for him to think about where he wants to be in terms of us. Hitting the 2-year mark with him was great and I obviously would want to still be with him, but if it means having to go through the same things again to hit another 2 years, then I don’t know if I want to do that. I don’t know if I’m up to it. Challenges I can take. But the same obstacles again and again?

So where do we go from here? I don’t know. Even though this mess right now is caused by my going away, I’m glad that I will be gone. I think it’s time for us, or at least me, to take a break from all this. I’m tired of arguing about the same things over and over again. I’m tired of having to justify my feelings when we argue. I’m tired of explaining myself over and over again and for him to not understand what being in a relationship means. I’m tired of having to sacrifice so many things for him and not having the same being done for me. I’m tired of being the one to always call or sms. I’m just tired.

I’m glad I’m going away. At least it will give us some time apart (even though we’ve been apart for weeks at a time since November). We’ll see how things go after this. Tired, tired, tired.

Looking forward to this:


London, here I come! It'd be a great break from the monotony of Bahrain and the chaos of KL.

Okay, bye bye

It’s been a week since I’ve been back in Malaysia. Have stuffed myself with all types of yummy food, from good ole’ bak kut teh to banana leaf rice. Yum… I can’t believe that I’ll be flying back to Bahrain next week. I mean, I knew I would be going back but just didn’t think that it was going to be so soon. I thought I’d have at least one month to chill here. But no… came in to work on Monday morning all smiles and BHAM! I got called into my director’s office and she told me the ‘good’ news. Oh well. All in the name of work. So I technically only have 2 working weeks and one weekend before my flight out. The highlight of this trip would be the little holiday I will be taking when I’m in Bahrain. Will update more of this trip once I’ve gotten my flight ticket. Right now, it still feels a little too hard to believe. Why didn’t I find this out earlier! Damn! I could have gone to so many other places! Anyway, am supposed to get my ticket on Monday. Keeping my fingers crossed till then!

Anyway, there are still people griping about the fuel price hike but I think we’re all kind of resigned to the fact that it’s happened and there’s nothing we can do about it right now except maybe hope that the govt will actually stick to their word about improving the public transportation system. And that we, the public, will remember this thing as well as all the other things they have done when the time comes for the next general elections.

Then there’s the news about rape and incest cases. For me, the one that really stood out was the case where two brothers raped their younger sister after watching porn. I was like “WTF?!” If you’re going to offer an excuse for committing rape, at least give a better one than that. But then again, what kind of excuse CAN you give for raping your sister or anyone for that matter?! Anyway, I’m pretty sure after this case, there’s going to cries of “porn is evil” etc all over. What I don’t understand is why we can’t be open about sex and sexuality? Why do we have to hide the subject away and censure everything related about it? Again, this points to our attitude of ‘ignorance is bliss’, ‘better not to talk about it since I’m so uncomfortable about it’ etc. Sigh… somehow, it’s just so sad when you hear of incest rape cases… if you can’t trust your family, who else CAN you trust?

All I can think of right now is how much will the public remember when the time comes to vote? Will we then forget all the past mis-deeds when we hear their empty promises come election time or will we still vigilantly hold on to our opinions and feelings when they continuously mess up. Will we hold them accountable for what they’ve done and to want more transparency? Or will we once again succumb to their sweet words and empty promises which works time and time again? Will the blogosphere change our attitude towards accepting these kind of deeds or will we continue to bend over and accept everything and anything they do? Will we demand for a more transparent govt and a more accountable govt?

I’m just hoping that when the time comes, we will do the thing that matters.