Big problems, small issues

I get upset too easily. And when I'm upset, I sometimes say things that I don't mean or that I know I wouldn't say if I was calm. But then these things get said, and I would be regretting saying them.

I'm reading about what's happening in the world right now, and I feel so small. The problems I face everyday are so trivial when you read about the violent riots, the fights in the middle east, the nuclear issue in Iran etc.

I'm feeling extremely small right now. And I'm regretting telling him what I did. What if it backfires in my face? I HAVE to calm myself down before I do / say anything. I don't understand why and how I can be the calm and reasonable person I am at work but when it comes to matters of my family and him, my mouth just shoots off the first thing that comes into my head.

As a wise sista of mine quoted, "It's easy to take advantage of the ones we love most".

And I have to admit, both of us have been guilty of taking each other for granted in this 2-plus year relationship. I can't count the times when we have had arguements about the same things over and over again. And somehow, it's always me who ends up being the 'bad' person. Because it's always me who can't keep her mouth and brain working together. It's always me whose mouth decides to say something before consulting the brain. So, in an arguement, it's always me who looks bad. Sigh...

What do you do when your fights are always revolving around the same thing? He says A, I say B, he won't change his A to my B, and I won't change my B to his A. There should be something in between A and B which we can achieve. And I would have liked to think that we had already found that 'in-between' but once in a while, that 'in-between' place crumbles and we're back to square 1.

Sometimes it's not about him or me but just about the situation and environment that we're in. Our working environments just clash so much that sometimes, it's unbearable. Actually, not unbearable. More like annoying and frustrating because there's nothing the both of us can do. I've told him and myself that I will and have to accept that fact and will try to work ourselves around this.

Big sigh... I feel so small. Honestly, I'm glad that I'm in Bahrain right now as at least it gives me time to be with myself and not needing to meet anyone's expectations (besides work). I've escaped here. And hopefully when my time here is up, I would have found the strength to be the person that I want to be.