Ramblings of a person in pain...

My body is in pain right now. It’s probably asking my brain “What the heck were you thinking!?!?!” My arms hurt. My legs ache. A lot. I can’t stretch my arms out without cringing in pain. And being in the office isn’t helping coz I’m basically stuck in one position most of the time and whenever I move, the pain shoots through my body like there a thousand needles piercing my arms at the same time. My left arm is pretty alrite… I mean the pain is bearable. But my right arm is a killer. Even just touching it is painful. I have no idea what I did to warrant such pain. My legs or more specifically my thighs are another story altogether. It’s as if my body is competing in which part can be more painful just to make me suffer. AARGH! I wish I could be at home right now in my comfortable t-shirt and shorts with no shoes on and just lying still on my bed with my arms and legs stretched out straight so that at least my muscles are not cramping up. But no… I’m sitting in the office with almost everyone in the department missing (either in meetings or on leave). And it doesn’t help that I’ve got a dinner and drinks appointment tonight after work. Which means I won’t be able to get home until at least 10 pm. Which means another 8 hours or so of agony and pretending that I’m fine. I’ve even changed to flat sandals because I just couldn’t stand walking around in my heels today. Dammit! I seriously don’t know what I did to have such torture in my arms and legs. I mean, yes, I did push myself last night at the gym and perhaps I should have listened to the trainer when he told me to shower after 30 minutes on the machine instead of sneaking off to do a few crunches but still… such pain and agony!!! I’m just hoping the alcohol tonight will wear the pain off. Or at least take my mind of it. This sucks. Big time. I don’t think I’ve ever felt such pain before. Or maybe it’s just that I’m getting older and as un-fit as the next couch potato. Shit.
Interesting revelation: I may be some kind of masochist deep down because even though it hurts to stretch out my arms and legs, I keep doing coz it feels good once I’ve got them fully stretched out.
Really. I’ve been stretching my right arm and legs so many times today, my colleagues must be thinking I’ve gone cuckoo.
I guess it’s justified putting myself through this pain. Oh the journey towards a fitter, healthier lifestyle. Seriously. I’ve been feeling so potato-ish lately, I’m beginning to look like one. At least this way, I know that I’m doing something about it. I’ve finally got off my ass and am doing something lar! Even if it means giving in to unheard of pain and never before felt agony in my limbs.
On a happier note, I’ll be going home tomorrow morning. Home, for 5 whole days! That’s the maximum I can take being at home J Anymore, and I just get so irritated with everything and I feel an uncontrollable urge to snap at everything and anything that approaches within 5 feet of me. So it’s good that I will be able to go home, be a good daughter and good friend and come back to KL leaving everyone happy back home and no one thinking ill of me. At least I hope not.
Attended my first Balai Rakyat meeting last Tuesday after workout. It was interesting. I’ve always been meaning to attend but somehow my sorry ass will always end up back home instead. So it was good that I followed Syl and Mohan to the meeting partly because we were doing a little cake thing for Annie’s birthday. I really like the idea of being able to do something about the political environment of our country instead of just sitting on my ass and just whining and complaining – like every other Malaysian. But I don’t like the secrecy of the whole thing and how we might get convicted if caught. Damn you! Anyway, I suppose it’s all about bringing change. Slowly but surely, hopefully. Anyway, now I’ve told myself that I will get more involved. Let’s just hope that my resolution hold for next year. As it is, I will be missing the next meeting as my sorry self will be in a little Middle Eastern country called Bahrain. Anyway, back to Balai Rakyat. My rants for my trip back to Bahrain can be picked up again later. The meeting was no different than a Voices meeting. Purely because the members who were there were ex-Voices members. I mean, I had fun and all… but I was thinking how difficult it would be if we were to bring in new people into the Balai. And that’s the whole point isn’t it? We really have to stop being so ‘us’. It’s great that we’re so in sync with each other that we understand the crap that we bull, but to an outsider, we’re just isolating him / her. So anyway, had a chat with another member last night, and we shall leave it till after the launching of the site to see how well the response is to the Balai.
Shit. I got up from my seat (an amazing feat considering how much my thighs hurt) and walked (another amazing accomplishment) to the toilet only to find that it’s being cleaned and I won’t be able to use it for another 10 minutes. Bloody hell! I don’t understand why they have to clean the damn thing so many times in one day. Yes, I appreciate (and I really do) clean and dry toilets but 4 times a day?!?!?! And they always occur when I have the urge to go. Question: why clean the toilet 4 times a day but never have enough tissue paper to wipe my hands? Why? Why? Why?
I’m just in a shitty mood. The office is practically empty, there’s no one to talk to and I don’t have much work to do. Fast forward to January. Nearly the same situation. Alone in the meeting room. No one to talk to. Relatively some work to do. Setting: Bahrain. Shit. I’m just feeling so crappy today.
Plus it doesn’t help when I’ve already booked my flight back to KL in anticipation that I will be able to spend some time with a certain someone as he was supposed to take leave and I find out that it’s an uncertainty. So I may be back in KL with nothing to do for 2 whole days. Might as well come back to work and carry forward my leave! Cis Bedebah! I hate it when things don’t work out as I’ve planned it. And I hate it when the reason why it doesn’t work is because of his work. Fuck the work lar! Why is there so much dependency on you? And why can’t you say no, I’ve got plans so I have to take the leave. Fuck all.
Exciting news of the week: Potential job in London for 6 months. Associate / Senior Associate required. Strategy job. Sounds perfect for me, doesn’t it? London baby, yeah!
Okay, so I’m counting my chicks before the eggs are hatched or whatever. But hey, I’m hoping I get put on that job. I mean, c’mon… I did a good job in Bahrain and you’ve obviously got confidence that I interact well with people… pick me, pick me! That’s exactly the feeling I have. Jumping up and down in my seat, one arm raised and shouting “Pick me! Pick me!” London baby, yeah!
I’m so full of crap today. Crappy limbs. Crappy office environment. Crap. All around.
Oh yeah, Merry Christmas, Season’s Greetings, Happy New Year… blah blah blah…