I finally got it done. My tattoo. And it was surprisingly easy. Did not hurt at all. Well, not much anyway. Not as much as i expected. And now i'm damn excited.

However, on that very same day... i found out that i did NOT get the position. I was so fucking disappointed, i nearly broke down. Even though i kept telling myself not to expect anything, not to hope... it still hurts... really badly. I was so lost for the whole day. And the disappointment was so apparent on my face. Coz everyone knew. And the more ppl came to talk to me about it, the worse i felt. And the worst part is having ppl tell me that I should have been the one to have gotten it instead of him. Whatmore if some of those ppl are from higher levels. And hearing that there's contention among the managers bout the decision is also not helping. The fact is this.. no matter what the contention, what other ppl think.. the decision has already made and announced. And i didn't get it. That's that. I didn't know what to do for a while there. But i talked to a good friend of mine who's a newly promoted manager and he asked me a very important question. Am i willing to wait for another opportunity? And i told him honestly that yes, i am willing to wait but i'm not gonna wait for too long. And he asked me if i could wait for 2 - 3 months. And i said i didn't know. I'd have to think bout it. And over the weekend, i did think about it. And i AM willing to wait. Coz i know that if there's another opening, i'm going to get it this time. Through my own hard work, pure will and determination. I like my job. I like the ppl in my company. And waiting another 2 - 3 months is no biggie. But if i don't get anything after that time... i'd know my destiny ain't with this company and it'd be time for me to leave then. But i KNOW i'm going to get it the next time round. Maybe i didn't do that well during the interview coz i was nervous. I knew everyone expected me to perform and everyone expected me to get it. But i've got no one to blame except myself. But i also know that i didn't screw up the interview. I went in there, and i gave it my best. Perhaps i just didn't come across as clear as i should have. And perhaps i didn't answer the questions and explain myself thoroughly enough. Nevertheless... i'll wait. And i'll get it this time.

My sayang's gone back home. And he'll be there for two weeks. And i'm already missing him. Sigh. Two weeks without him. I know i'm being lame and shit for complaining and whining but this would be the longest we've been apart ever since we got together. We're such an odd couple but yet we're together :) Was just reading Bill's blog and the song 'Angel of the morning'. And i'm really really lucky to have someone wake up beside me and touch my cheek, kiss me on the lips and call me sayang. Or should i say babi since that's what he calls me. I'm his babi and he's my botak. I know this post is gonna be damn mushy and all but heck.. i'm feeling a little lonely here. And it's nice to write about him.

Damn. Just got an sms from him. Jeez... missing him like mad!

I don't understand why, after spending a nice weekend with him, we have to argue when monday comes? I had loads of fun the whole weekend with him but we just had to fight on monday. Just like last week. And the week before that. There's just something about mondays i think. Ish. Unexplainable mysteries.

On anoother note about work, i really really want the position. A million questions are running thru my head. Actually just one. What if i don't get the position? What will be my next move? I know i'm definitely leaving if i don't get it. I'm good enough for the job and if i don't get it, then either a) i fucked up during the interview or b) some ppl are biased. And i don't think it can be a) coz i know i did well. I mean my fucking interview was for like 50 mintues! And i just talked and talked and i think i managed to sell myself. Oh well. Really can't tell. This company works in mysterious ways. But it's just so frustrating to see them hiring externally ppl who are so incompetant and just plain dumb. And these ppl are at a level higher than me. Best part is, my direct manager is one hell of a bimbo. And i'm thinking, if they can hire ppl like her, why can't they see the value in me? I know i'm being arrogant, but it's true! I know i can definitly do a better job than her anyway. It really really is frustrating to see this happening. So, let's just hope i can get the position. Because if i don't, i really don't know what to do. For the meantime anyway.

Pranks are a really mean trick to play on people. Innocent people. Especially pranks that can really touch the heart and kill you inside. I was sleeping soundly when a stupid stunt was pulled on me. And i was really angry (since i didn't know it was a prank i obviously bought his story) at him. Angry, disappointed, sad, hurt etc. And to find out in the morning that it was all a joke. A stupid tasteless joke. What an idiot. What a mangkuk.

I've had a long long day. Came back from clubbin at 8 am, took a shower, slept and was out again by 12. Met up with annie, syl n tubs. Had loads of fun. Ate some weird claypot curry chicken rice at SS2. Then did some poser yuppie coffee bean thingy. Took a drive to cyberjaya, then hung out in my room until everyone was hungry then went to have dinner cum supper.

It's amazing how we can just spend the whole day with each other and not get bored. We can just sit somewhere, have a drink and go on talking and yakking away till the sun sets and rises again. We are just so elite. And the best part is, we can go on telling and rehashing the same stories over and over again and yet we'd still find it extremely funny and will be rolling on the ground laughing. I'm telling ya, you can never find friends like these. Friends who can just enjoy each others' company and just kutuk and swear at each other all in good fun. Sigh... i love those guys.

Going to get some shut eye now. Real tired.

Melancholy...

Feelin a bit melancholy rite now... don't know why. I'm sick again :) Caught it from vijay. Was so tempted to ditch work and just stay at home with him but my conscience just wouldn't let me. So i went to work and felt terrible. Wnet home after an hour at work. What a waste of fucking time. I could have been sleeping all the while. Anyway, at least i had nice lunch/dinner. Oh and apparently my tonsils are swollen and i have wind in my tummy. And i'm supposed to drink lots of warm water (yucks) and eat porridge and bread for the next week (double yucks). Yeah... as if i'm gonna follow the doctor's orders.

Looks like i've got weekend plans :) Meeting up with the chickos for breakfast and a movie. Should be fun. Plus... we've finally decided to go to East Malaysia for my core leave. Will now put it to August. And hopefully the plan materialises!!!

Went out for a drink last night and i got into a massive arguement with vijay on why he was so adamant bout not wanting to bring me home. It's not that i would go back to his hometown with him but i jsut wanted to know that he wouldn't be ashamed to bring me home and show me to his family. Finally the explanation (and this came from his good friend - vinesh) was that it's hard for indians to bring home a girl of another caste, let alone another race. I can't remember what caste vijay's from but it's some land owner caste. Vinesh is kinda having the same problem since his girlfriend is this chinese girl too. Anyway, i dont' know whether the whole explanation is true but i bought it. Now i'm supposed to go back to muar with both of them and stay with vinesh and we're all just 'friends'. Right... as if i'm gonna go.

Urgh... looking around my room and it's such a mess. Another plan for the weekend. Clean up room. My shopping bags from last week are still on the floor with the purchases still in them. My laundry is still unpacked. Books that i've read are still lying on the table. My blanket is pushed into one corner of the bed. Crumpled tissues on the floor next to my bed courtesy of my runny nose. Ish ish.. i'm living in a pig sty!!! Where's a maid when i need one? Any volounteers?