Weekend here and gone

Well well... the weekend has come and gone again. Time just zooms by doesn't it.? Anyway, looks like yours truly is going to be a banker. I start work in a bank effective 1st November. And i will be tendering my resignation tomorrow. :) It's scary thinkgin about starting a new job and getting to know everyone again. But that had to happen sometime sooner or later. As if i would be working in HSBC for my entire life. Hmmm.... me... a banker... sound good?

Company annual dinner last night. As usual got high and happy since there was some sort of free flow of beer. Actually everyone is supposed to get one coupon which entitles you for one mug only. But since i've got contacts, hehehe.. i obviously got more than one. The person in charge of the coupons is close to vijay and so we got like damn lots of coupons. Think i drank like 5-6 mugs of beer. Super high. Talking to cock to everyone. Even ppl i never spoke to in office :) Also, imagine i was dancing in a saree! Gotta be high to do that right? Just hope that no one teases me in the office. Was doing some massive dancing with vijay. What the heck anyway... all in good fun rite?

Highlight of the night: Everyone said i looked damn chun :) So here's 2 photos for you guys to judge. Unfortunately the photos were taken after drinking 3 mugs and me being me... has turned all red.


Sayang and me...



Sayang and me... again :)

Change

Looks like it's time for a change. Although i'm feeling scared and all... i know it's for the better. At least in the long run. Definitely better. At least i'll be able to branch out from there. Plus i'll be learning useful stuff. Hope all goes well by next week. Just a question that's running in my mind. How long does grass stay in the system? Just read online that it stays only a few days. But what is a few days? Is a week enough for it to no longer be in the body? Bloody fuck. Shouldn't have smoked up last week.

Leaning towards getting a Vios. Although he doesn't really like the car but his mum prefers him to get the toyota compared to a waja. Hehehe... like the saying goes 'What's his is mine'.

Annual dinner coming up next week. Looks like i'll just 'recycle' the dress i wore during worlds in SA. After all, i only wore it once and it wasn't even in this country! Let's just hope i can still fit into it!

RHB bank?

Oh dear... a dilemma has popped up this morning. To go or not to go? I'll find out more. Gotta do some research now.

'Love means never having to say you're sorry'

Heard the above line from somewhere. Can't remember where. And i say bullshit. Just because you love that person doesn't mean you don't have to apologize for the wrong things that you do. Anyway, just bear with me. Just ranting.

Watched How to lose a guy in 10 days with him last night. And he had the cheek to say that i was like Andie Anderson. Bullshit! Anyway, was having fun watching him struggling through movie. His face was like 'What the fuck?' everytime she did something psycho. Farnee lar...

Ooh.. he might be buying a new car soon. Might be getting a Vios. Hehehe... his car means my car too, right?

Grass and thanni

Another 27th Aug has passed... and i'm a year older. Don't mind the age, but what bothers me is that i'm still not advancing. I'm still holding on to the same rock. Sigh... oh well...

My colleagues celebrated my b'day in the office. Got a cake and a home made card. Was supposed to go to Kuantan during that long weekend but it didn't happen coz i got into an arguement with sayang before my b'day and he wanted to make it up to me by spending the whole weekend with me and me only. Sweet of him.

Anyway, it's the end of another weekend and i've got bloody work tomorrow.

Celebrated Chanru's b'day last night. Had a massive dinner at this chinese restaurant. Food was extremely good. Then of coz being typical indian (no offense meant) the next agenda was drinking. There were only four girls (me included) and since the boring guys were watching boring football we decided to entertain ourselves by playing a drinking game. Shit. I've never seen a bottle of Absolut finish so quickly by four girls. I think we finished the whole bottle in an hour. So you can just imagine how high all of us were.

One word of advice. Never ever smoke up once you've had alcohol. The feeling is just crap. And i mean it. Crap with a capital C.

Gotta say thanks to all those who took care of me especially my sayang. Thanks for your devotion, attention and tender touch. Thanks for being such a good friend too. I'm sure Susan appreciates it. What you said last night before we slept made me feel very very loved. Well babe, the feeling's mutual.

Bad thing i did for the week: Fed a 3 month old dog vodka.

Sick sick...

Home sick today. Damn bored. Anyone wanna come teman me?

He's back!!! And the world suddenly seems so much brighter and better. :) I know, i know.. sounding real mushy and all but... (grins shyly).

Throughout the whole week, i was just thinking how to celebrate his return... being the hopeless romantic that i am (although i pretend to be macho), i was actually thinking it was going to be real romantic. As in, we'd both fly into each others' arms and hug and make sweet promises not to be apart again. But what REALLY happened was... I went out with Farr and P the whole day and he was with his uncle and cousin. We didn't even see each other until bout 12 am. And when we finally met, there were too many people around and i was feeling extremely shy. Too shy to even go hug him. Gotta give him credit though. He came to hug me first. :) Sweet of him coz i know he's like real shy when it comes to PDA. After that, we hung out with his friends. How romantic and private is that?!? But he was really sweet throughout the night. Paid attention to me; touched me whenever he could etc. Even when we finally came back home, all we wanted to do was cuddle and talk. :)

I really did miss him. Missed complaining to him; missed whining to him; missed bitching bout work to him; missed irritating him; missed him irritating me; missed him calling me 'mata sepek', babi, chipmunk, puppy; missed him telling me that i'm 'ugly'. And a whole lot of other things which i'm too lazy to document.

However, now that he's back, it's like he never left. Everything just fell back into place and is like how it was before. Our lives have centered around each other so much... being apart is weird. Scary. But nice at the same time. Scary because it makes me so much more open to hurt and shit. Nice because we're together.

On another note, was reading a friend's blog and she was blogging bout how her dude is falling back in the romance department. Like how during the start of their relationship, he would leave little notes for her etc. And now after half a year of being together, those small things that signify thought and care have just stopped. :) Typical isn't it? Not only for the guy but for the girl as well. All it takes is effort and of course thought. Just a simple message/note telling the person you care. Gotta remind myself to make that extra effort. But sometimes, you just feel that it's so useless coz you're never gonna get the same treatment back. But does that mean you shoulnd't do it then? I'm thinking back bout my past relationships and it's true that when you're so comfortable with each other, you just forget bout making things special. Going out is a norm. You take each other for granted. Sigh... Gotta admit, i'm guilty on those points.

Thanks a lot to ma sistas for the seafood dinner treat! I am extremely full now and feeling like a stuffed pig. Just gotta curl up now and hibernate like a python during winter.

Have an interview tomorrow morning. Or should i say in about 9 hours time. Hope all goes well!

'This too shall pass' - taken from Annie's blog.

Yes, i sincerely hope this shit i'm facing now will pass... and i hope it passes real quick.

We went a little crazy last night and things got a bit out of hand. Was just a normal night of clubbing and drinking but then some people just didn't know their limits. One pucked in the club. Another three of my friends got into an accident. Thank goodness it wasn't their fault. And everyone's okay. Imagine the shock i felt when i woke up at 6am and saw a message on my phone from Maria telling me that they got into an accident. Shit. Another car hit them as they were making a turn or something like that. The front of the car is totally smashed. But thank goodness that all of them are okay. Just some bruises here and there from the impact. Audrey had to go for an Xray today just to check if her leg's alrite. Apparently the police came and had to tow the car away. Damn. Made me think of the many times i've driven home not entirely sober and have been in cars where the driver was not totally sober. But at least everyone is alright. I was actually supposed to follow that car home too. What if i had been in the car as well? Jeebers... don't even wanna think bout that.

I'm now sitting in my room thanking God once again for looking out for me.

Yesterday was Friday the 13th. An unlucky day? Not for me it wasn't. I got a RM100 voucher for Hard Rock Cafe coz i was the most outstanding performer for my process for the month of July. Even though it's a bit lame and all, it's still nice to be acknowledged. :)

Plus he's finally discharged from the hospital. And his knee is getting better. He was damn depressed though when he was told that he wouldn't be able to play football anymore. At least not competitively. I know how much he loves playing and i feel really bad for him. But at least he's over it and is kind of okay now. Doing all the physio shit. I feel so helpless when he's in pain coz there's nothing i can do for him. He's back in Muar now anyway so there's nothing for me to do. Hope his knee is better when he comes back for his next appointment with the doctor.

Was chatting with an old friend and she was telling me how much she loves her boyfriend and how committed they are to each other etc. And i was thinking, do we really need so much commitment at our age? I mean, it's nice having someone to love and someone who loves you back but she was talking about marriage and settling down and shit. And seems that his parents are also talking about them settling down, getting jobs together, marriage etc. I was just speechless for a bit. I just can't see myself being so grounded. I mean, i'm only 23! It's also nice to dream and just talk bout marriage and shit but i don't actually see myself getting married anytime soon. Touch wood. It's a bit too soon, you know. I mean, just starting off on building a career. Just started living an adult's life. Being independent is cool. And i really like my life right now. I've got a great boyfriend. Great friends. An okay job. Financially okay as well. Really really can't imagine getting married at this age. Let's just analyse me at this point. I love him. He loves me. We enjoy being with each other. We don't mind seeing each other everyday after work. That's kind of like being married rite? Just without the commitments :) Perfect lifestlye. I can still turn and run the other direction if i want to. And the same goes for him as well. Why bother oneself with extra burdens? It's not easy being married. The compromises. The sacrifices. The extra commitments. But then again, some people have different opinions. And you're all entitled to it. And i wish everyone the best if you wanna get married early and have a family and all that. As for me, i like my life now and i think i'll just enjoy it while i can.

Dammit. Woke up early this morning only to find that I still couldn't go to the hospital. His mother was there. So that's like definitely a No No for me to be there as well. Shy :) So i still haven't seen him yet ever since i sent him there on Tuesday. Shit. I know that the last few posts have all been about him but what the heck. I'm worried and i need to see him badly. Luckily his parents have gone back home to Muar and so he's all mine now. First thing tomorrow morning, rushing over to SJMC.

Four more have resigned. Last day is this friday for one of em. Will be going out for dinner then a thanni session with the whole team on saturday. I was pretty depressed when i found out so many ppl resigned. Plus the fact that they all came in after I did. The pressure to leave at that time when i was depressed was just so strong. But had a long talk with my manager and my future's pretty bright right now in the company. So just gonna wait for the next opportunity. Im pretty sure it'd be mine the next time round. I'm already doing so many things, i'm practically swamped with work. No free time for me. Thank goodness we can't bring work back.

I wanna go on writing but my eyes are closing... my fingers are slowing down... my head is drooping... good night all.... ZZzzz...

I've never had anyone close to me go for an operation before. So this is my first time going through the whole process.

Woke up at 6 this morning (more like yesterday morning) to prepare breakfast for him coz he had to eat before 7. Unfortunately, i couldn't even open my eyes so he did everything for himself. That was a big disappointment :) Left the apartment at 9 and reached SJMC at 9.45. Good time eh? Went through the whole procedure of being admitted etc and he finally settled in his room at 10.30. Left him at around 11 coz his mum was coming and had lunch with his uncle.

Went to work with a heavy heart and a head filled with thoughts of him. Ish. And now after work i can't even go see him coz visiting hours are over and they won't let us in.

At least the operation's over. And he's feeling alright. Hope his ligament thingy didn't tear. Will be waking up at 9 tomorrow morning. Gotta rush over to the hospital.

It's now August and i'm still doing the same thing as i was last year. I will once again be celebrating my birthday in the same company in the same position. Sounds sad doesn't it? However, i've come to a point where i realise money isn't everything. I'm not living in poverty. I still have my health. I like my job most of the time. I like the lifestyle that i have. I like my friends. I have a cool family. I have a great boyfriend. What more can i ask for? I am now going to take things one at a time. And i shall not fret over petty things.

On another note, he's lying in the hospital right now waiting for his knee operation. Wish i could be there with him but certain external factors are stopping me. For example, his mother being there as well :) Praying that the op will go smoothly, his ligament isn't torn and that everything will be fine. Get well soon, honey. I'll see you tonight after work.

Haven't been updating my blog quite as regularly as i would like. But it's nice knowing the concern and care your friends show for you when they send you comments and mails scolding you for not writing anything. Shows how they're taking an interest in my life :)

What can i say? Lots of things have been happening recently and i'm just taking some time to digest some of 'em. Don't wanna go into the details but let's just say that i've learnt. And that i'm not afraid to admit when i've done something wrong and also not to bother justifying my actions all the time.

Was supposed to be in pangkor this weekend. Unfortunately, because of a football tackle and an injured knee, trip was cancelled. So instead i spent the whole of friday having a yuppie - type lunch, playing with an adorable mongrel puppy and watching a movie. Sorry bilis, i know i could caught I, robot with you guys but 1 utama was just too far. This mongrel puppy i mentioned earlier is the cutest, cheekiest and smartest puppy i have ever met. It's just so adorable you wanna play with it all day. And now i'm actually contemplating moving into a house just so i can keep a dog. What is it with puppies that just puts a smile on your face?

Met up with the dudes at prab's house. Happy belated birthday prabs!!! Was nice seeing all of them again. Especially tubs, tate and prabs who were all extremely high by the time i got there. And you know what i realised? I definitely prefer sitting in prab's house drinking and talking cock compared to going to a club. Maybe coz i just miss all you guys. Sigh... longing for the good ole days...

I might now be planning a trip to Kuantan. Got a friend who's got an apartment there and he says to come over anytime. Gonna go to the beach, jungle trekking etc. Sounds exciting? Since pangkor didn't materialize, gotta come up with another trip.

It's now sunday afternoon. The sun is hidden behind the clouds and it looks like rain. Time to snuggle under the comforter with a loved one and just snooze the day away.

P.S. Intimate moment of the week: pissing together in the same toilet- twice.

Why does it hurt so much to love someone? Why does loving someone make you so vulnerable to pain? Fuck this feeling. Just feel so depressed right now. Fucked to feel taken for granted and unappreciated for the things you do.  Fuck this feeling. Fuck him. Sometimes i just feel like i do so much for him and what do i get for return? Nothing. Either that or indifference. What's the point i ask you? What's the point in putting in a little more effort because you feel it might make him feel better or just because it's something that he'll enjoy when he doesn't do the same for you? What's the fucking point? Might as well just don't bother. Much easier that way. I wouldn't have to feel like this.

Fuck it lar. Gonna go shopping tomorrow and release some tension. Anyone wanna be my punching bag for tonight?

I finally got it done. My tattoo. And it was surprisingly easy. Did not hurt at all. Well, not much anyway. Not as much as i expected. And now i'm damn excited.

However, on that very same day... i found out that i did NOT get the position. I was so fucking disappointed, i nearly broke down. Even though i kept telling myself not to expect anything, not to hope... it still hurts... really badly. I was so lost for the whole day. And the disappointment was so apparent on my face. Coz everyone knew. And the more ppl came to talk to me about it, the worse i felt. And the worst part is having ppl tell me that I should have been the one to have gotten it instead of him. Whatmore if some of those ppl are from higher levels. And hearing that there's contention among the managers bout the decision is also not helping. The fact is this.. no matter what the contention, what other ppl think.. the decision has already made and announced. And i didn't get it. That's that. I didn't know what to do for a while there. But i talked to a good friend of mine who's a newly promoted manager and he asked me a very important question. Am i willing to wait for another opportunity? And i told him honestly that yes, i am willing to wait but i'm not gonna wait for too long. And he asked me if i could wait for 2 - 3 months. And i said i didn't know. I'd have to think bout it. And over the weekend, i did think about it. And i AM willing to wait. Coz i know that if there's another opening, i'm going to get it this time. Through my own hard work, pure will and determination. I like my job. I like the ppl in my company. And waiting another 2 - 3 months is no biggie. But if i don't get anything after that time... i'd know my destiny ain't with this company and it'd be time for me to leave then. But i KNOW i'm going to get it the next time round. Maybe i didn't do that well during the interview coz i was nervous. I knew everyone expected me to perform and everyone expected me to get it. But i've got no one to blame except myself. But i also know that i didn't screw up the interview. I went in there, and i gave it my best. Perhaps i just didn't come across as clear as i should have. And perhaps i didn't answer the questions and explain myself thoroughly enough. Nevertheless... i'll wait. And i'll get it this time.

My sayang's gone back home. And he'll be there for two weeks. And i'm already missing him. Sigh. Two weeks without him. I know i'm being lame and shit for complaining and whining but this would be the longest we've been apart ever since we got together. We're such an odd couple but yet we're together :) Was just reading Bill's blog and the song 'Angel of the morning'. And i'm really really lucky to have someone wake up beside me and touch my cheek, kiss me on the lips and call me sayang. Or should i say babi since that's what he calls me. I'm his babi and he's my botak. I know this post is gonna be damn mushy and all but heck.. i'm feeling a little lonely here. And it's nice to write about him.

Damn. Just got an sms from him. Jeez... missing him like mad!

I don't understand why, after spending a nice weekend with him, we have to argue when monday comes? I had loads of fun the whole weekend with him but we just had to fight on monday. Just like last week. And the week before that. There's just something about mondays i think. Ish. Unexplainable mysteries.

On anoother note about work, i really really want the position. A million questions are running thru my head. Actually just one. What if i don't get the position? What will be my next move? I know i'm definitely leaving if i don't get it. I'm good enough for the job and if i don't get it, then either a) i fucked up during the interview or b) some ppl are biased. And i don't think it can be a) coz i know i did well. I mean my fucking interview was for like 50 mintues! And i just talked and talked and i think i managed to sell myself. Oh well. Really can't tell. This company works in mysterious ways. But it's just so frustrating to see them hiring externally ppl who are so incompetant and just plain dumb. And these ppl are at a level higher than me. Best part is, my direct manager is one hell of a bimbo. And i'm thinking, if they can hire ppl like her, why can't they see the value in me? I know i'm being arrogant, but it's true! I know i can definitly do a better job than her anyway. It really really is frustrating to see this happening. So, let's just hope i can get the position. Because if i don't, i really don't know what to do. For the meantime anyway.

Pranks are a really mean trick to play on people. Innocent people. Especially pranks that can really touch the heart and kill you inside. I was sleeping soundly when a stupid stunt was pulled on me. And i was really angry (since i didn't know it was a prank i obviously bought his story) at him. Angry, disappointed, sad, hurt etc. And to find out in the morning that it was all a joke. A stupid tasteless joke. What an idiot. What a mangkuk.

I've had a long long day. Came back from clubbin at 8 am, took a shower, slept and was out again by 12. Met up with annie, syl n tubs. Had loads of fun. Ate some weird claypot curry chicken rice at SS2. Then did some poser yuppie coffee bean thingy. Took a drive to cyberjaya, then hung out in my room until everyone was hungry then went to have dinner cum supper.

It's amazing how we can just spend the whole day with each other and not get bored. We can just sit somewhere, have a drink and go on talking and yakking away till the sun sets and rises again. We are just so elite. And the best part is, we can go on telling and rehashing the same stories over and over again and yet we'd still find it extremely funny and will be rolling on the ground laughing. I'm telling ya, you can never find friends like these. Friends who can just enjoy each others' company and just kutuk and swear at each other all in good fun. Sigh... i love those guys.

Going to get some shut eye now. Real tired.

Melancholy...

Feelin a bit melancholy rite now... don't know why. I'm sick again :) Caught it from vijay. Was so tempted to ditch work and just stay at home with him but my conscience just wouldn't let me. So i went to work and felt terrible. Wnet home after an hour at work. What a waste of fucking time. I could have been sleeping all the while. Anyway, at least i had nice lunch/dinner. Oh and apparently my tonsils are swollen and i have wind in my tummy. And i'm supposed to drink lots of warm water (yucks) and eat porridge and bread for the next week (double yucks). Yeah... as if i'm gonna follow the doctor's orders.

Looks like i've got weekend plans :) Meeting up with the chickos for breakfast and a movie. Should be fun. Plus... we've finally decided to go to East Malaysia for my core leave. Will now put it to August. And hopefully the plan materialises!!!

Went out for a drink last night and i got into a massive arguement with vijay on why he was so adamant bout not wanting to bring me home. It's not that i would go back to his hometown with him but i jsut wanted to know that he wouldn't be ashamed to bring me home and show me to his family. Finally the explanation (and this came from his good friend - vinesh) was that it's hard for indians to bring home a girl of another caste, let alone another race. I can't remember what caste vijay's from but it's some land owner caste. Vinesh is kinda having the same problem since his girlfriend is this chinese girl too. Anyway, i dont' know whether the whole explanation is true but i bought it. Now i'm supposed to go back to muar with both of them and stay with vinesh and we're all just 'friends'. Right... as if i'm gonna go.

Urgh... looking around my room and it's such a mess. Another plan for the weekend. Clean up room. My shopping bags from last week are still on the floor with the purchases still in them. My laundry is still unpacked. Books that i've read are still lying on the table. My blanket is pushed into one corner of the bed. Crumpled tissues on the floor next to my bed courtesy of my runny nose. Ish ish.. i'm living in a pig sty!!! Where's a maid when i need one? Any volounteers?