Ramblings of a stagnant mind

I’m really curious as to what’s been happening with Kiley. Yeah yeah, I know that we’re not supposed to be friends anymore (thanks to a whole load of paranoia and mistrust!) but it’s been so long I can’t help but wonder if things still have to be this way. The last I heard, they were going to get married by the end of this year. I don’t know why the thought suddenly popped into my head, but I guess sometimes, you think of the strangest things for no particular reason. I think he’s graduating this year as well. I think of my friendship with him, and how close we were (given the distance) even after we were no longer together, and how cool it was talking to him about guys and him talking to me about girls. We were more like brother and sister by then. And I find that totally cool since everyone used to say we looked alike J I still remember when he called all the way from Down Under when I was having problems with and how nice it for him to do that for me. I still wear the shirt he bought for me from Aussie. It’s a damn nice shirt, anyway. And I still remember him telling me about finding this girl he really liked who, coincidentally, was from my school and knew me as well (although I couldn’t’ really remember her at the time). And how happy I was for him when he told me that he really really liked her and she could be ‘The One’. And how great I thought it would be if we all went out when they came back to Penang for their holidays. But look how things turned out instead. Now I don’t even know where he is, what he’s doing and whether he’s still with her or not. Oh wait, since he’s still not in contact with me, I suppose they’re still together.

Don’t get me wrong, there are no romantic feelings involved here. It’s just the thought of losing a friend that’s bothering me. Well, not really bothering, but just creeps into my thoughts once in a while. I very much wanted him to meet Vijay as well. I think they would have gotten on very well since they’re both so crazy and passionate about football. It’s also hurtful to know that when I wrote to him about my dad, he didn’t even bother to reply. When everyone else was so supportive and helpful. 6 years of friendship (and more) just down the drain.

Is it weird when you’re still good friends with your ex? How much does it affect your relationship with your current partner? I mean, sure, it would be weird if your partner and his/her ex is really really close and still talk on the phone etc but what if they were just normal friends who correspond and meet once in a while? Putting myself in her shoes, I guess I would be a little jealous but I won’t cut off his friendship. That’s the last thing I would do. I’ve got a friend who’s in a similar position right now. Well, not really similar as her partner is really close (and I mean really close) with his ex. Apparently she’s his best friend. And they travel together and even share the same room. Now, that’s weird, right? She’s even got a boyfriend but he doesn’t mind it at all! I don’t know… maybe it’s just a girl thing. According to my boyfriend, it is. Just a girl thing. And you won’t see guys behaving like this. :p What a sexist thing to say. And you can’t imagine the arguments I’ve had with him regarding stuff like this. But then sometimes I DO think that it’s just a girl thing….

P.S. the above are just ramblings as I’m currently stuck on my project and not because I don’t have any work (as some of you may think).

Too little too late...

The past weekend was a journey through many ups and downs and self revelations. My emotional immaturity when it comes to this and stubborness and persistance in dogging someone, almost led to the downfall of something really important to me. And that's something I don't even want to go through again. When something big blows up in your face, that's when you realise that it's time to let go of pride. And what's the point of having pride if it means you might lose the most important thing in your life?

On another note, met up with the Voices gang on Friday. It was fun hanging out with them again. But felt really old and out of place with all the new kids. It was basically the alumni hanging out with each other and the new kids grouping in another corner. But a couple of bottles of red, some yummy birthday cake, good ole Maggi Mee ala Abang style for supper and great company just capped off my Friday. Let's drink to more Fridays hanging out together!

A little self-reflection

Someone once told me that I have the ability to take a step back and reflect on myself for what I've done. Anyway, upon returning home after watching the movie 'The Island' (see review at
I couldn't sleep. It was already 1 am by then and I had to get up at 6 am the next morning. And because of an arguement I had with him, I started thinking about myself. I looked at myself at an objective manner and suddenly saw all my whims and fancies and complains and whines being so insignificant and small and that I sometimes get over-emotional on issues and over-react to things, I just seemed so silly to myself. And I wonder why I do all these things. For example, when something happens, I over-react, get angry, upset etc. But after a while, I'll be fine and will be thinking to myself "Why the heck did I get so upset for?" I react to things without thinking. I really need to get ahold of myself and start working on a few things which bother me.

Here's a list of things I thought of which I should work on (at least for now).

Things I overindulge in:
1. Shopping / Spending money
2. Eating

Traits I should change:
1. Being too emotional
2. My over-reaction to small things
3. My impatience
4. My intolerance for people who are slow
5. Getting angry when things don't go the way I expected
6. Being too self-critical

Traits I should keep:
1. Can't think of any - hence point 6 above.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the wisdom to know the difference.

Nomad...

I'm beginning to feel like one of those desert people who don't stay in one place but constantly move around. Albeit I've only shifted once after 2 years in SK but I've been in my new place for only 3 months and now I most probably am going to shift again. The thought of packing and moving my stuff and then unpacking again is just dreadful. I am so dreading it. But I know I have to do it. For the sake of my car, my pocket and my patience. Even though it's been only 3 weeks since I have had to drive from Puchong to D'sara Heights, the one hour journey every morning is really tiresome. And it's eating a lot into my petrol not to mention car maintenance. Not only that, the distance is about 25 km. So I have to leave my house at 7:30 am to reach the office at 8:40 am. Terrible. And for now, I suppose it's still okay coz I'm not really working on anything as of yet. But imagine if you have to work till really late then drive 25 km home then wake up the next morning to spend one hour on the road to the office again. If only I had a chaffeur :) How easy my life would be. The thing about my place now is that we're really near each other. So it's really easy to meet during weekends and to decide at the last minute who's staying at who's place. Guess that's the only thing. Even though I've got a few more friends staying around that area, I hardly meet them anyway so they don't count. Guess I'll have to start listing down pros and cons again and decide from there. But then, deep down inside I know what is it that I have to do. Bleh...

Although I've sort of like been having normal working hours for a few months now, working in KPMG really made me feel it. Even though I was 9-6 previously, I was still in Cyberjaya. And there was always no traffic jams to Cyberjaya. Besides, I had pretty flexible hours there and usually reached work at around 10-10.30. Now, it's a whole new story. I still don' t have a punch card but everyone gets to the office at around 8.45-9.15. So I try to be there by 8.45 considering I'm new and don't go home fairly late. The timing isn't what makes me feel the normalcy. It's the route that I HAVE to take to get to the office. Can you believe that it takes me an hour just to get from my house to the office? Crazy isn't it? Without the jam, I can probably make it in 20-30 minutes. But because everyone else is also on their way to work, the roads are just so jammed up and I'll be crawling like a snail on the road. For example, I spent 30 -40 minutes just to get past the Sunway toll. It's madness! So now I finally know how morning traffic feels like. :( Not that I was very curious before. My journey home, however, will take me only about 30-40 minutes. That's because (my assumption) not everyone leaves work at the same time. Some may leave at 4 (re: civil servants), 5, 5.30, 6 etc. Staggered. And it makes so much of a difference! Furthermore, I take the Federal Highway back home which usually has the worst jams. And by the time I get home, it's usually only around 7. Not bad eh? So I even have time to make myself dinner (yes, I can cook).

Even though I've got normal working hours (which everyone craves for?) it feels really weird. Not to mention boring. All my other friends (ex-colleagues) have the odd hours which I used to work. So by the time my day is over, it'd only be halfway through for them. Everytime I get back from lunch, I always look at the clock and think "Wow, my day is half done and they haven't even started theirs yet!" It's really a drag. Especially when your other half is working those hours. By the time he gets back from work, I'll be sleeping soundly. When I get up, HE'LL be sleeping soundly or just about ready to go to bed. When I finish work, he'll still be at work for another 6 hours. Can't even talk on the phone. So the only communication I have with him are text messages and when I see him on weekends. Sucks. Plus, when we've already planned that he will take leave so that we can have an extra day together and for him to back out as some last minute presentation is shoved to him by his mean boss really doesn't help things. Not at all.

On a totally seperate note, I want the new Harry Potter book! I know I should have booked it a long time ago but I just kept putting it off and now I know I most definitely won't get it tomorrow as it will be sold out. Dammit! Trying to bid for it on e-bay but something's wrong with the server and can't process my bid. Have been trying all morning!!! If someone I know out there will get the book tomorrow, may I borrow it after you're done reading it?

Freezing cold!

The bloody office is extremely cold. I'll be wearing a 3-piece suit and still feel cold. And not just cold... but so cold, your fingers just go numb and you can hardly type and write anything. So cold, your toes become so stiff they can't bend. So cold, your nose feels like it's going to drop off. Get the picture? Plus the fact that I'm wearing a skirt doesn't help things at all. I really should start getting stockings. I have to dress like a professional but how come my pay isn't enough to make me look like one? Ish...

On another note, was just reading Sze's blog and she wrote about all the stuff Voices has done together. And man, did reading that bring back a truckload of memories. And it did bring back that feeling of nostalgia that hits once in a while. Sze mentioned about our Gabai experience when a tree fell on 4 cars (mine included) and missed Sylvia's. According to Syl, it was divine intervention, which I seem to believe is true. =) I remember driving around in my car that looks like it got beat up really badly, and even after I had the dents knocked out, I didn't have enough moolah to get it resprayed, so drove around for even longer with patches of orange everywhere! But time has passed... I don't even have that car anymore. And there is no way I am going to drive to Gabai in my present car. Just in case. I mean... call me paranoid and that lightning never strikes the same place twice... but better to be safe than sorry!

Went to Sunway Pyramid last night and had a really great dinner. Prawns were yummy, fish had just the right flakiness and the calamari was juicy. Yum yum.. just thinking about it is making me drool... and there's another 2 plus hours before lunch! And lunch here is pretty expensive. The cheapest thing I've eaten so far cost me about RM3.50.

In terms of costing, I definitely took a step back. I'm paying more for stuff now than I would have if I didn't accept this job. Not only do I have to pay for parking here, but I also have to shop for a whole new wardrobe (which I haven't done) as the company requires their female employees to be dressed in skirts. And since I am in the consulting line, I would have to get more than one suit. And that would cost me. Besides that, I also lose out on time. I spend much more time on the road than I would have if travelling to Cyberjaya. But... I would have been stupid to turn down an offer from here and stayed on there. Won't go into the whole job prospect thingy but in the long run, I suppose I would be benefit from being here. Wasn't very happy to hear that bonus and stuff ain't that good, though. Oh well, money isn't everything, rite? At least that's what I try to tell myself whenever I feel regret creeping in. The problem is that although advisory IS a part of the firm but the bulk of it's ppl are in accounting. So a lot of policies are made because of issues in audit & tax. And we, in advisory, have to bear the brunt of it. For example, we don't get overtime allowance. And we are also sometimes required to work on public holidays depending on project deadlines, without getting paid. Also, our organisation structure is rather flat so it's harder to get promoted as there is very little hierarchy. Oh well. This is only my 2nd week. We'll see how things go. At least I'll be able to have consulting in my resume. Carries some weight, rite?

Feeling a bit sleepy now... going to read some news.

On the job...

First week in my new company has passed. What can I say? Nothing much yet, basically. Haven't really started on anything as of yet. Have been put on a project, but it's an existing one and already half done. So it's more of me trying to catch up and comprehend what's going on and what's been done. Exciting part about it is, I might have the chance to travel to the Middle East. How cool is that! Now, it's just a lot of reading up on stuff so that I don't look stupid.
As for my new colleagues, well, they seem to a really nice bunch who's pretty helpful in getting me started and kicking. But then again... too soon to tell. And most of them aren't around either as they're on a project site. But we went out for dinner last Friday (courtesy of the big boss) and it was quite fun. Chatted, had dinner then drinks. Had to go through some initiation drink which was basically a lemon drop (a shot of vodka with lemon and sugar on the side). Big Boss's favourite drink is vodka, so the rest of us basically has no say in what to order. And it's been made pretty clear that I will HAVE to like vodka since that's the only drink we'll take when we go out. Got myself pretty high too.. but of course, didn't do / say anything stupid. Acted really sober in front of all of them until I got to my car and just went "Whoa!" Went home, fell asleep and just waited for my weekend to start with my Sayang.

On another note, my weekend was fantastic. Probably coz it's been 2 weeks since I last saw my Sayang but it really was great. Met him on Saturday morning at 4 am. By then, I was already half asleep since I came back all high anyway. Wished him happy birthday then stayed up and 'talked' till about 5 am when both of us got really hungry. Too lazy to go out to get something, so he decided to cook for me his 'special' scrambled eggs. So ventured out into the kitchen and started scrambling some eggs. Had a bit of toast with it and a cup of chicken & mushroom soup. To me, that was just lovely and fun. After that, we both got really sleepy and so we slept and only woke up at about 4 pm. In between, there were loads of calls and SMS' for him from ppl wishing him happy birthday. Anyway, woke up, got dressed and went out for a bit of good ole rice and mutton curry =) Wasn't long before we had to go out again, as he made plans with his friends to meet for some wine in Bangsar (pretentious, ain't he?) The wine place was pretty alrite. The ambience was good and the wine affordable. Of coz, my Sayang being the itchified person he is, we next went to Waikiki for some Jack Daniels and Tequila shots. Waikiki being the chose place, coz well, it was the place where we first started talking to each other =) Both of us got pretty smashed but managed to get home safely (Thank God) and slept really soundly after a bit of more 'talking'. Sunday was jsut really lazy with the both of us waking up at 4 pm again and just watching old episodes of Friends till we got hungry at about 6 and went to Nirwana Maju for dinner. Bought 2 Dvds at Bangsar - Schindler's List and Coach Carter. Watched both when we went back home but I fell asleep after about 3/4 of Schindler's List. After all, I had to wake up at 6 am the next morning!

All in all, the weekend was a blast. Let's hope for more weekends filled with fun, laughter and love!

Just breathe...

As my last day in my current approaches, butterflies have suddenly popped up in my stomach. Not a whole lot, but every now and then, when I think about it, there's this queasy feeling and I feel like throwing up. I mean, I'm excited about my new job and I know it will definitely bring me places and that I will gain a whole truckload of experience but.... This place here now was my very first job. And I've made lots of friends, learnt shitloads about office politics etc. I am so in my comfort zone. Everyone knows me. Even senior management would stop and say hi when they see me. And I know I definitely won't get that kind of treatment anymore in my new place. My current boss is just terrific. She's supportive, encouraging, fun, cool. My new colleagues in the team are great too. They're a bunch of wacky people who think the world of me coz I know everything that needs to be known about this department and my boss and I get things done quickly and efficiently. And I'm not afraid to voice out my opinion. I'm like the reigning queen in my department. And I know they will definitely miss me. =) The person replacing me just ain't the same, according to them. Even my boss thinks so. So all these mixed feelings about leaving and shit are really messing up my mind. When I tendered my letter, July 1st just seemed so far away. I mean 2 months! And now June is almost gone and I'll be leaving this place in a week's time. The thought of not leaving has actually played around in my head but I know I'll be stupid not to go. Even though I know I will most probably suffer and be working like a dog there, what I'll have in my resume will be impressive. I hope. Every decision shapes your future. And deep down, I know I've made the right decision. I need to be challenged. I need a job where I'll be on my toes and everyday will present me with something new. And I'm just not feeling that drive and push in my current position. Yeah, my boss is championing a lot of projects but they're not mine. I'm not a part of it. At the end of the day, I'm still a Personal Assistant. My priorities will always be to manage my boss first. Hence my last day is 1st July. And so, everytime I feel scared and nauseous, I just take a deep breath and tell myself that it's all for the better.

The things people say and do when they're drunk is not funny. When you're under the influence of alcohol, everything just gets blown out of proportion and a simple statement can send someone flying to the roof with anger. And it's not a good thing when 2 people who already pissed off and irritated with other things, turn on each other. First hand experience, last Saturday. I was pissed off, frustrated and when he did something which under normal circumstances would not even have got my attention, I just blew up. And he blew up at me as well. We exchanged certain words which we shouldn't have. We said things we didn't mean. But thank goodness everything's alrite and we apologised and we're back to where we were. And i now realise that i really......

I'm going to miss my job....

Nostalgia...

No boss today! Out sick. So here I was, strolling into the office (actually I was hurrying as I thought I was late) when my cell phone rang and it was my boss informing that she will not be in today and even tomorrow. So for the first half of the day, I finished up everything that was pending and after that... boredom! Nothing to do! Been surfing the net all day when I decided to go into the mmuaustrals2003 group thingy and started reading all the old mails. And whoa... talk about feeling nostalgic!

Suddenly all the feelings of anxiety, excitement, irritation, anger all just came back. I remember how stressful it was at that time. Committee members wanting to jump at each other's throats. The work and effort and time we all put in. The endless emails going back and forth especially when deciding on the hotel. I remember calling Farrah from the meeting to ask her if she would like to fill in the convenor position. The endless arguements about how much we should spend and save on the money that we get. The many many arguements about socials (no, I am NOT going to talk about our dear director). The feelings of suspicion and paranoia that we might be cheated. How Farrah and I had to take 'leave' to attend our Australs functions. And finally when the whole event was going on, how our runners were not 'running' and most of the ex-comm had to do everything by themselves. How we wanted to an australs - matrix style intro which never worked out but was really fun talking about it (how come I got a lame part like the keymaker? He dies so fast in the movie!). Reading more of those mails and URGH... getting invoices and receipts from a particular someone was so difficult... wouldn't that give you reason to suspect that something's up? Anyway, the organization of Australs was great. Put a lot of things in perspective. When you're working in a team, everyone has GOT to pull their weight. And if they don't, the team needs to have the guts to say 'You're fired' as Donald Trump in Apprentice would say. And just because someone is a smooth talker, things that he says doesn't necessarily will get done. It's a lot like being in this company. You need to have the guts to tell someone that they're doing something wrong or they're not performing. Rather than letting it slide and trying to cover up.

I do sometimes miss the old debate days. Going for training, getting scolded by Prabs, finding excuses not to for training coz we didn't want to shouted at by Prabs, supper sessions after training, the tournaments, the feelings of anger and injustice towards adjudicators and debaters alike, the emotional ups and downs of everyone in the team, the songs that we sing, the re-enactment of movie scenes, the silly games we played etc. Everything was just great. One big happy family with its moments of drama here and there. The thing I miss most was the great conversations we had. It may be about something mundane but the wit is always there. And because everyone around was so witty, you gotta be on your toes to come back with a retort or add something to your sentence to make it sound funny and charming. I feel like my brain matter has been reduced ever since I left Voices. The conversations that I have with other people just ain't the same. You dont' have to be witty. You don't have to sound really smart. Most of the time, you're the smartest person within that group anyway and your normal words will be enough.

That's why I think it's good for me to join the consulting world. At least it'd force me to be on my toes and to keep my wit sharp. After all, I'd have to talk to people and have to sound really smart :) Also, I will be subscribing to some kind of magazine. Most probably Time. Economist is much better with the data and information but it just looks so boring! At least i know i'll read Time. I've also started reading stuff online. I want to get back into the mode i was in during debate days!

Sigh... sometimes being in the corporate world can render oneself stupid...

Tortured hearts and souls. That seems to be the theme over the past weekend. Jilted lovers who can't get over their love. Blogging about their pain to the world. Watching a movie about relationships, emotions and needs. Sigh... so who said love is enough to keep us alive? What about the possibility of falling OUT of love? If you can fall IN, you can always climb back out. And like I've once quoted on a previous post from a movie:

If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking.

Chatting about that movie with someone who relates to it was so enlightening. Prior to that, I've only watched it with V who can be as shallow as a teaspoon at times. And he didnt' like the movie. I found it so profound and he didn't feel a thing. Differences in opinions...

Sometimes I miss having argumental conversations about stuff debates are about. Politics, environment, culture etc. I mean, the end of my university life revolved so much around debates. You're surrounded by smart people (some of them, anyway) and the conversations that go on force you into a situation where you HAVE to read and keep up. If not, you just end up sounding really stupid AND feeling stupid. I miss having someone to 'debate' with or at least bounce off ideas and arguments and rebutting one's opinions. Like I said before, teaspoon. Okay okay... not so bad. I'm just being biased and judgemental. We DO talk about stuff. And when we talk about these kind of things, we end up fighting. Our opinions are just so different. And work just takes up so much time. Stuff we talk about revolves around work so much. It's annoying at times. I think 80% of our conversation is about work issues or people at work. The other 20% would be about AOB - any other business. I don't know how this change in jobs will affect us. As it is, now that we're on different timing but still in the same company, there's kind of a strain on our relationship. We don't have time to see each other except on weekends. And we need weekends to see our friends too. So what now? I think it's been about 2 weeks since I last spent time with him. Some people might not think that's a long period of time but hey, when you're working in the same company and living in the same vincinity, that's long.

Imagination & fantasies...

Was at work till really late last night. If you ask me what I was doing, I really can't tell you. I just found out some feedback on me and being professional last night and I'm really annoyed. Not at the person who gave the feedback but at the person whom caused this whole thing in the first place. SHE was the one who started to talk to me about the issue and yes, I should brought her outside but it just didn't cross my mind. And she was happily talking about it and asking me questions. Damn. I feel so irritated! Anyway, nothing I can do... just take it in good stride and learn from it.

On another note, as I was in the office late, my mind just started wandering and I wasn't really concentrating on my work. Was just thinking of my move to another company, how it would be like, will I move up the corporate ladder there etc. Being in the consulting world, I suppose, would give me a better chance of moving up. And having that company in my resume would DEFINITELY help. At least according to a lot of people I've spoken to. So anyway, as usual, I started to think of how things might be in the future... and this is the picture that came to mind:

I'm decked out in a top notch suit, with a laptop bag strung across one shoulder, a trendy handphone in one hand, fashionable glasses perched atop my head, sipping latte at a hip sidewalk cafe and organising my meetings on my Personal Digital Assistant.

How's that for a great mental picture of how I'd like to be? Let's hope things work out and that picture will no longer just be in my head! I'm such a typical yuppie. I DO want the latest handphone model. I DO want a cool laptop. I DO want an iPod mini. I DO want trendy clothes and high class power suits and shoes. I DO want to drive a nice car. I DO want to live in a nice house or posh condo where you need to register the names of your visitors before the guards will let them in. On top of that, I want my close friends around me. I want my darling to be there next to me. I want my family to be proud of me.

Think I can have all of the above? Why not work for it?

P. S. I really do want an iPod mini. Was surfing the net last night and it's so cool!!! Anyone care to donate about RM 999 to me and my iPod cause?

Just when I thought everything was fine and dandy and I'm going to be a PA for a while. Looks like things can change with just one phone call. And that call came last week, on a Friday. Totally unexpected. Totally off my radar screen. Now... time for change again. From one company with 4 letters to another with 4 letters as well.
Thank goodness my boss is so supportive. She was the one who helped me make my decision. Imagine going to your new boss and telling her that you've been offered another job. And imagine your boss helping you sketch out your goals and what you want to achieve. Clearer career path to achieve my goals. That's where I'm headed for.
Everyone is going to be so shocked. Apparently I set the record. The fastest to leave after promotion :) Got to leave in good terms though. And that's where my boss is going to help me too. Design an exit strategy where I will be on good terms with everyone and so that I can always say I've got contacts here. Got to build my network too! After all, that's what consulting is about. How many people you know and can influence. And how fat my address book is.
Anyway, if I don't like it, I can always turn to becoming a PA since I've got the experience :)

Sleepy...

It's Friday morning... the weather is just so perfect for sleeping. It's been drizzly, cloudy and I can just imagine myself under the blanket snoozing away. Either that or reading a book then snoozing away. But no.... where am i? At work. And I'm just too lazy to start off anything yet. Waiting for my boss to go to a meeting at 11 am so that I can eat my breakfast and read a magazine or something. Talk about loafing off!!!

Well, I've shifted into my new place. The place is really nice. The whole apartment block has a very cosy homey feeling to it coz it's very green. And it's next to a hill with monkeys! Can you believe it... monkeys in the middle of a towney area! Housemates are pretty cool too. But my room is still in such a mess!!! Haven't got a cupboard yet... so my clothes are still in bags. Don't know where to put my dvds... got too much of them. Don't know where to put my books... got a fair amount of them. But at least half of my room looks decent. The half where i've set up my computer and bed. Oh well, going to IKEA this evening (if i can get off early) to get my cupboard and whatever else i think is necessary (and since we're talking about me, i might end up buying the whole store!).

Another thing i'm looking forward to is hearing from KPMG. Not going to say much about it yet but let's just hope and pray that i'm accepted. And that what they will offer me is substantial enough for me to accept. We'll see...

My god-son is one month old!!! And when i go back next weekend he's going to be one and half months old. Cool. Time flies doens't it? Just felt like it was last week when my friend texted me to tell me that she's in labour.

On another note, Tubs and Annie are flying high on their trip. I'm so envious. I could have been there with them now. But then so many things happened prior to this trip that I just couldn't drop everything and went off. I put a curse on committments. Especially job committments. How nice if I could just drop everything and disappear for a whole month. A whole month of travelling and relaxing and eating. Mmmm... sounds really good.

I need a vacation!!! I know i just got back from one about a month ago but i need another one now!!! Nothing fancy.. maybe just a weekend getaway with a few friends... maybe a steamboat dinner somewhere cooling... Ish... Somebody plan something please!!! I would plan something if I had time and if I were the type to plan something.

Whoops, boss's visitor is just about to leave. Time to end this post. I think I've done enough whining anyway... Back to work... feeling really drowsy... and my nose is running / blocked. What a week.

The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice

The Blower's Daughter
- Damien Rice

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is (he has)
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off (-?) you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off (-?) you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is (he has)
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is (he has)
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off (-?) you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off (-?) you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to(?)
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off (-?) you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off (-?) you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

I just watched the movie 'Closer'. And Patrick Marber is so accurate in the telling of love. And Mike Nichols made it so real. The story tells of how a person will alwasy be searching for someone better even they're already with someone at that particular time. And what Natalie Portman's character said is so true. There's always a moment before you decide to fall in love. Either you resist it or you fall into it. There's always a choice. People are always not happy even though they've already found someone. There's always the search for someone better. And how the person you love can make you love him so much and need him so much and at the end, he finds someone and falls in love with her because she doesn't need him. And they don't see the irony of the whole thing. And how people can't generally be happy with what they have. Or they feel they don't deserve to be happy. Coz then if they are, then can't be depressed since we are all basically depressive. And so if they find themselves in a state where they're happy, they'll immediately set out to find a situation where they can be unhappy again as they feel they don't deserve that happiness. And how the person that you love can be lying to you and you will never find out unless by some chance coincidence. That they can be with you for years and years but never reveal their true self. And how perverse we can be by torturing ourselves just to hear the sad gory details. And how the truth always hurts and yet we insist on it.

And still we search for it. We yearn for it. We pine for it. We long for it. Even though we know that when we eventually find it, we'd still keep on looking.

- If you believe in love at first sight, then you'll never stop looking. -

My Lil god-son

I never liked new born babies. NOt until last week when I went to visit my close friend's son. Naturally we've been made the god-mothers who will spoil the boy silly. Holding the 2 week old boy just felt so right. Felt so natural in my arms.
But that doesn't mean that I'm ready to have one of my own just yet!



Maternal instincts at work.



Who could resist a face like that?



Isn't he just adorable?

In my office...

Woo Hoo... I'm blogging from my office! What a thrill... I know, I know... sound like some 'jakun' but hey, never had this kind of privilage before!

Anyway, second day on the job. Boss ain't here yet. Met her son, Miles last night. Cute kid. Very hyper. Feeling a bit bored coz there's no one here!!! I'm the only one on the whole damn floor!!! And my office feels like an aquarium. There's this glass wall so everyone can look inside and vice versa and since i'm currently the only one in here, I feel like a goldfish.

I'm bored... Hmm... i wonder if i can 'curi-curi' install Yahoo or MSN messenger. Oh yeah, we can't access our private email accounts from here. Previously it was allowed but then the server kept getting attacked by viruses (thanks to some ppl who simply opened files from unknown ppl) so now that privilage has been taken away. Ish. Came onboard just a little too late.

Let's see what time my boss will come in. Got some filing to do for her. She's almost as messy as I am!!! And I have to clean up and organise stuff for her when I can't even organise myself :) How ironic.

Hele signing off... from my 'aquarium' :)

P.A.?

I am so excited. I start my new position on Monday and I will be working from 9 am to 6 pm! No more vampire hours!!! And i am going to be someone's Personal Assistant. Imagine... I will be managing someone's life!

My new boss is this really cool lady from the States. She has really high expectations from me and I hope i can live up to them. And guess what her name is? It's Halina. So can you just imagine the confusion we'll cause? Everyone who calls will be so confused :)

Anyway, I start on Monday... hope all goes well!!!

Finally...

I got offered a job. Not much of a salary jump but still more than what i'm getting now. And at least i'll be learning new things and actually be doing something related to my degree. And if all goes well, could even turn to be a chartered accountant. We'll see....