The weekend passed I a blur. There were so many things happening that I could hardly keep track of it all. And there were so many events on the same day, that I had to choose which one to go for.

Work occupied most of the weekend. Finished the dang conference at 7 pm on Saturday, rushed home to bathe, chatted for a few minutes with the early birds at the party in the apartment, then rushed out again as had a dinner function. Ate like a pig, had some really good ice cream cake, wine and coffee then rushed back to join the rest of the people at the party. The apartment was a mess after the party but… all in good fun. Slept at 4 am and woke up the next morning at 9 for work. Crawled into the office at 10 and went back home at 2 and joined the rest for a banana leaf lunch. Caught a movie after that and finally went back home at 8 to clean the apartment. By the time everything was done, it was already 11. Fell asleep at 12 and woke up again at 7 to rush for the 2nd half of the conference. :p

Super packed weekend. Am looking forward to the holidays for a break. Am just going to laze at home, watch tv, read a few books. Sounds good.

Frustrated

Is it too much to ask if I just want at least a call or a text message? I know you're busy with work but it doesn't even take one minute to send a text message. Is that really too much to ask for?

And you do know that i'll be going back home for the holidays. And that i won't be here for the whole week. And you know that i definitely have to go for the dinner. And you know that i have to work this weekend too. Why do you always put your needs and comforts first? Why am i the one who's always making the effort to see you? I know you say that i don't have to and that you never asked me to do so but i'm doing it because i want to and to some extent, i would like it if you do it too. You know that we only have weekends to see each other since we work so different hours that even talking on the phone is hard. That's why the least you can do is text me. Like i do for you. At times like these, i feel that you're really selfish. you only do what's convenient for you. you only call when you're bored. you only text when you're bored. you'd only see me if you've got nothing else to do with your friends. you don't want to stay at my place coz it's not convenient for you. I know that's not all true but right now, it sure feels that way. you know how important our weekends are and right now, you're really not pulling your weight to make this thing work.

I'm upset. I knew if i spoke to you, i would get upset. and i am. you said you'll call me back. i'll see if you do.

Bleh...

The past few weeks have been a pain-in-the-ass. Everything I plan for just doesn't seem to come through. Will not elaborate as I feel too lazy to type it out but.... it's just been a real pain.

Work in general has been pretty alrite. But I'm still not sure if this is my line of work. I'm hoping with more time and experience, I'll be able to integrate myself further into this line as I truly am enjoying myself and am learning. I probably should read up a lot more and get myself started in looking for post-graduate programs.

My secondment to Bahrain is coming pretty soon. Will be going for about a week in November then for a whole month in January. Will be alone when I go in January. Feeling shit scared! Not only about being in a strange foreign country on my own but also because I'll actually have to do work for our client there and I'm really scared if I screw up. So from now till I leave, I will be reading up on stuff that is related to the project, memorising all the important ppl's names and whatever else that may help me. Anyone with information about Bahrain and / or Dubai do drop me an email. Am planning to go around if I have the money and time to spare.

The next few days are gonna be hectic. So many things on saturday that I don't know to go for which. Plus I'll be helping to facilitate a conference for our clients and will have to work on sunday as well to collate everything in time for the 2nd part on monday. Can't wait to have a break next week. Will be driving back home and this time at least, I'll get to stay for more than 1 night!

So many things to do, so little time... and the year is ending!!!

Of Racial Tolerance

I watched an amazingly profound movie last night. It's called 'Crash' and touches on ethnic and racial issues in America. The movie is set in LA and the way the characters are developed is amazing. Each character has his/her own story and why they act the way they do. The stories of each character weave in and out of each other until finally they're all connected in one way or another.

The writing and the directing of this movie was done so well that you can't help but be so drawn into each story. Basically there are 2 cops - black and South American (who are also shagging each other), a District Attorney and his wife - both white, another pair of cops - both white (not shagging), a hi-fi TV director and his wife - both black, a locksmith - Latino and a shop owner - Persian. And they've all got their problems and issues to deal with.

The story opens with a car crash and cops around a highway where they're found a dead body. Then, flashback to 36 hours ago, and you're in a gun shop where a redneck American is selling a gun to a father-daughter pair who looks Middle Eastern. This couple is discussing about the gun in Arabic when the shop-keeper suddenly shouts at them and throws insults about them being Arabs and 9/11 etc. That's the whole tone of the movie. How people are so deep in their own perceptions and stereotypes of other races that it affects how they treat these other people.

My favourite storyline would be about the Latino locksmith and the Persian shop owner. It was so powerful and their final scene brought me to tears.

The movie showcases how dangerous stereotyping is. How your mindset can affect the way you treat others. Not only that, but how your circumstances also affect the way you act. For example, Matt Dillon's character, the police officer has a sick father who lost his job because of government policy to give it to the minority group which were the blacks. Then his father's health insurance has some kind of complications and when he goes to discuss with the person in charge, she's black and really bitchy. And so, because of this frustration, he pulls over a black couple and humiliates them. It's not that he really is a racist but just that his circumstances make the blacks look like the bad guys.

It's a really thought provoking show and I would encourage anyone to watch it.

Would love to write more but currently swamped with work and have lost the momentum :(

Post-Holiday Syndrome...

Just back from a short holiday in Phuket. And am now suffering from post-holiday depression :) Was really hard to get up and go for work the next day after returning.

Phuket was lovely. You would never know it was badly hit by the Tsunami. Practically everything was up and running and the bars and pubs were alive with girls and lady-boys. The weather was pretty alrite although it rained for a few minutes everyday. The beach was incredibly lovely. The sand was soft and fine and the sea was clear and calm. Perfect. The shopping was heavenly too. Loads of things to buy. Obviously I went over my budget and had to change more money.

The highlight of the trip was our venture into a gay bar where there were 20 plus Thai men wearing only white, tight underpants (with numbers attached) parading and dancing on stage. Choose the guy you like and request for their number and the guy will be yours to do whatever you want :) Interesting, huh? Most of the customers in bar were Matsy men and it was weird seeing them with a Thai guy or two in tow. We even saw one customer ask a guy to take off his pants and he started rubbing the guy's arse! Unfortunately, the guys on stage were not appealing at all. Some of them came down and sat next to me and tried to initiate conversation but it was so uncomfortable and I ignored them. Really freaked out when a guy sat next to me and started touching my leg! Was so uncomfortable but didn't want to frown at him or tell him off, so I just sat there and moved closer to my gal pals! Was so relieved when he finally got the hint that I didn't want his company and he left :) The waiter was extremely cute though. Reminded me of Jose :) And I think he took a fancy to me too coz he spent quite a bit time sitting down next to me and chatting with me. Plus, we were sitting at an angle so our legs were touching. And he touched me a few times as were 'chatting'. Also, he kept insisting that he wasn't gay (coz he was working in a gay bar) and actually dared me to 'test' him. Was nice knowing that he fancied me. At least he wasn't dodgy like the other guys who obviously expects payment and such. Even as we were leaving and the dodgy bar owner came to harrass us, cute waiter came up to me again and touched my hand and gave me this smile. I was pretty smitten by him. Plus his English was pretty alrite, at least good enough to carry a conversation and for me to understand what he was talking about. I'm now wondering if I would have done anything if I wasn't attached :) Probably not, knowing me. But then again... I just might have :)

The whole trip was pleasant enough. Am planning another trip there sometime next year. Anyone interested to join, feel free to come along.

Small girl, Big town syndrome

Lately, I've been feeling like my life is so totally lonely and utterly boring. Every day from Monday to Friday, I do the same thing. Day in, day out. I wake up in the morning, go to work, return home. It's just so mundane! Plus, I don't even have someone to go home to. I go back to an empty house and while the time away until it's time to sleep and repeat the cycle.

Sometimes, I wish my family were here. That I would be going back to my family home. At least it'd be more homey.

Life is so boring. I need something new in my life. Something to keep me entertained at least for half of the week. Have been going swimming for the past week but that only takes up about 1 hour max. What am I supposed to do for the next 4 - 5 hours before I have to go to bed?

Was thinking about joining a yoga class or some dance class but right now, my budget is a bit tight and I can't afford to waste a couple hundreds of ringgit on a luxury like that. Maybe in a few months time once I've cleared off a few things.

I'm writing this post and toggling between my work and reading the news.

Have thought about getting a pet. Something small but responsive. Have been thinking about a bunny rabbit. My previous experience with a rabbit has been quite enhancing(?) Never had any trouble with it. She was even toilet-trained! I don't know how but she really was. Everytime she needed to go 'do her business' she would automatically hop into the bathroom, where her toilet bucket was, and poo in the newspaper lined bucket. It was amazing. And she was really responsive. When she saw you or when you called her, she would actually hop to you and start licking your toes. At least a pet like that would be able to keep me company during those boring and lonely work days.

I'm feeling so disconnected right now. Even my writing is so jumbled. Bleh... just one of those bad weeks...

Blunder...

Oh great. I apparently made a big blunder with my last post.

My previous entry was misunderstood and was not intended for the person who misunderstood it. I was not talking about you. I’m sorry if you thought I was. I do have other friends, you know :)

This is what happens when you write vaguely. :)

If you want further details then feel free to drop me a personal email.

Annoyed

I'm so annoyed. I originally typed out a really long post, venting my annoyance at something that happened over the weekend and stupid blogger lost it when I wanted to publish it. And now, I'm even more annoyed... GRRR....

Anyway, let's just say that I now do not like a certain person and am hoping that I never have to see you again. You totally lost whatever respect I had for you. And I wonder why he chose you instead over her.

Holiday!

I'm going on a holiday. Will be flying north-wards towards the island called Phuket. Managed to grab cheap AirAsia tickets. Three cheers for budget airlines!

Haven't gotten our hotel sorted out yet but I'm sure we can find a place easily since it's low season.

Yay! Can't wait. And I think I can still squeeze in Cherating!

On another note, I cut my hair and gave it a reddish tint. Can't really see it in this picture though. I've got like some fringe down my eyes and everyone says I look like (a) a China doll or (b) Korean.

My haircut without the red highlights yet. I look so weird in this picture :)

Back to KL

My weekend back home was fun. Almost missed my flight though. Plane was scheduled to take off at 7:05 am and I only checked in at 6:40 am. Plus the fact that the guy at the counter gave me the wrong boarding pass didn't help much. Was halfway towards the boarding gate already when I realised that my flight number being announced and the one on the boarding pass didn't tally. Ran all the way back to the counter to change the pass and ran all the way to the gate (which was the last gate) to board the plane. I was the last one on the plane and they were all waiting for me :)

Met up with my friends. Had a really good lunch at Mr Ho's. A real porky lunch though :) I can't remember much of our conversation but just that we laughed a lot. Then as usual, we HAD to go shopping, so we zipped over to Gurney for some window shopping and a coffee break. More laughing at Starbucks too even though I don't remember over what.

Felt good to be back home again and chatting with my friends and sleeping on my bed at home!


My buddies from high school






My pork chop dish with a porky sausage.

My yummy latte with hazelnut syrup.









There suddenly has been many invitations to go on holidays from different sets of friends during the month of October. First there is Langkawi. Then Cherating. Now Bali. Which one to choose? I would like to go for all three but obviously there's a small little thing called financial constraint. Langkawi would be the 3rd weekend of October. Friends from Penang organising it. Cherating would be the last weekend of October. Friends from uni organising. Bali is 2nd weekend of October. Friends from work organising. Sigh... if only I had the money! I would so gladly go for all three! Sadly, because of money and not enough leave days, I'd have to choose one. Plus the fact that my secondment to Bahrain isn't confirmed yet, I'm afraid to plan anything beforehand. I think I most probably won't be able to go for Abang's wedding in January coz it looks like I will be in the Middle East by then. So, which holiday to go for? Even though I went to Bali early this year, I still want to go there! The place is so beautiful and the beach is great. So is the shopping! And this time if I go, I'm definitely going to get a Balinese massage and spa experience. Missed out the last time coz I spent all my money on shopping! On the other hand, Langkawi sounds tempting too coz I'll be going with my high school friends. Something which we've never done before. Cherating also sounds tempting coz of the company. Hanging out with those dudes is really nothing short of fun. So, which one?

Friday blues?

Urgh. It's Friday and normally I would be feeling elated coz I don't have to work the next day but I'm feeling pretty down. Can't exactly put a finger on one specific thing. A combination of things, I suppose. And I know I shouldn't be feeling like this but I do. And it sucks. I'm hoping that lunch in a while will cheer me up. My morning coffee certainly didn't.

It sucks having him work different hours. I should be used to it by now, after all it's been 5 months. But it still sucks. Big time. At times, I'm okay about it, but times like these, I'll be feeling really down. It's so difficult to meet. And we only have weekends to be together but sometimes, we gotta do other stuff too. Which leaves us with nothing. A weekend of other plans means never having to see each other. And we'll have to wait for another week.

I don't want to see him everyday. But there are days when you just feel like seeing him. And the worst part is, I can't even talk to him on the phone. All I can do is text him and wait for either his call or his text coz he can't bloody answer his phone in that dang company. (After changing to another department / company, I realised how fuckingly anal operations was - no h/p on the floor, no internet etc - damn lame) And by the time he can actually call me, I'll be sleepy already.

I'm just ranting and venting my frustration. Today just sucks, so far. Bleh...

On another note, I'll be going back home tomorrow. (Another weekend missed and gone!) It's been a while since I last went back. Miss it actually. Miss my house. Miss my couch. Miss my bed. Miss hanging out with my friends. I feel so detached from them. And of course, I'm the last to get any news. For example, when my friend get pregnant, I found out about it accidentally. Because they thought they had already told me and it was only through a casual e-mail conversation when someone said something that I found out and went like "WHAT?!?!!?" And I never know when any of my friends are travelling somewhere. A friend of mine is in US now and I don't know when she went, for how long, for what reason and when she's coming back. Or another time, when my friend broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years, went out with her ex, then got back together with guy. Or when another friend who's not so close is getting married next year. Or when another one changed job and is now working in a rival firm. Another thing is that I've never met the people that they talk about or are seeing. I've never met my best friend's boyfriend. I've never met another friend's husband. I've not seen my friend's son since he was born and he's now 6 months old and really chubby and cute! This is what happens when I'm the only one in the circle who's away from Penang! Not kept in the loop all the time! I can only catch bits and pieces when we have our e-mail conversations. Or when I go back and we meet for lunch / dinner / drinks. Even then, it's so hard to get everyone together! Someone will always have something to do and won't be able to make the gathering. A sign of us growing up, I guess. All busy and with our own thing.

Crap... feel so melancholy! Haven't felt like this in a while, I think. Maybe I'm just bored. I think I am. I've got work to do but I'm just bored :p

Funny parents

I received a really strange SMS from my mum yesterday. It was about a current boyfriend and an ex-boyfriend. I was at work and writing up a report when I read it. It was so weird and unexpected that all I could do was stare at my phone while my fingers were still poised over the keyboard, ready to type the next words. Won't go into details of the SMS but let's just say that it all came about due to some misguided information, lack of details and reminiscing.

And apparently it was my fault this whole thing popped up because I didn't tell my parents enough about my love life. So with the little information that they have, they just made up their own conclusions. Unfortunately, it wasn't that I didn't tell them. They just forgot what I told them and made up their own stories instead. And the worst part is that they thought that HE dumped ME! And that I was heartbroken! How frustrating is that! Oh well... parents. Anyway, cleared up the whole mess and now (hopefully) everything's fine. They've got enough information to get the correct picture.

It was just so weird reading that SMS. I mean, I didn't know my parents were still thinking about HIM. Makes me feel really uncomfortable. I mean, will they never stop thinking of him as the best person? Just because I was with him for quite some time and it was only natural for them to know him the best since I was still at home most of the time and not yet away. Obviously they wouldn't be feeling the same connection with whomever I'm seeing now as I'm not at home and they haven't even seen the guy. It's a little frustrating to know that my parents still prefer him. Really unfair, not only to me but also to the person I'm seeing now. They seem to think that he was such a good catch etc. Well, newsflash, he wasn't all that great, ya know! Yeah, we had a good time when we were together at the beginning but at the end, I kind of knew that he wasn't for me. We wanted different things. He was like "Let's settle down as soon as we can" and I was more like "Marriage? I dont' know...." :) Not that I'm against the idea of getting married but I'm not exactly going to fight for it either. See how we were different? I remember feeling really uncomfortable whenever he started talking about getting married in the future and how I would just smile and nod and not say anything. Bleh.

Whatever it is, I'm glad it's cleared up. Plus I'm really happy with the person I'm with now and I hope my parents look past the colour and see that he's really a nice guy and that it's my choice, whether it might lead to happily ever after or heartbreak. After all, you never can tell with the future. I'm just living life for the present and hoping for the best for my future with him.

Parents... bleh... what am I to do with them :)

Hey, Aunty!

Is age getting to me? Commitments? Responsibilities? Turning into an aunty without even realising it?

I don't know if it's a sign of growing old but I just can't keep up with the Voices people anymore. And I'm talking about the old farts. Those who were in the same batch as me. Everytime I get together with them for a drinking party, I'd be feeling so tired after a while and would rather spend my time in a more quiet place. Watching them, partying last night was a real eye-opener. I realised that I'm not like that anymore. I used to be able to just have fun, drink, and so what if I've got stuff to do the next day? Problem with then and now is that, the stuff that I need to do the next day is no longer classes or assignments but is to go to work and last the whole day. I can't fuck up anymore and say "I can try again" like back in uni. If I fuck up my job, that's it. No second chance. No "I can extend my sem to pull my grades up". No "I can resit the paper". Guess I really AM getting old. And I'm not regretting it. I'm actually enjoying my life right now. No doubt I had shit loads of fun in uni and with Voices partying all day and night but right now, I'm just in a point of my life where I want to be able to enjoy my work, get my own salary and buy my own things with my own money. Yes, I may complain about my work but who doesn't? All of us complain for the sake of complaining. And I used to want to travel round the world and be a nomad but I realise now, that's not who I am. I won't be able to live that kind of life. So, call me lame or a sell-out or whatever. I don't mind being a slave to the corporate culture :) I don't mind working hard now so that I will be able to afford nice things later on. I don't mind being a yuppie.

Sure, I can still party and have fun, but only on weekends or if I don't have to wake up early and go to work the next day :)

More roadtrips

Don't have many photos yet of my trips to Singapore and Kuantan yet. Waiting for my friends to send them to me.

Singapore
Singapore was really fun. My initial doubts about the trip was completely blown away the moment I stepped into the bus. The bus itself was amazing. It was a double decker bus, with the top part having really spacious and comfortable seats which could fit about 24 people. The bottom part was fashioned into a lounge / sitting area with armchairs and a sofa and a coffee table. Plus there was a home theatre system as well. Talk about luxury! The hotel we stayed in Singapore was a bit small though. The price in Sing dollars was okay... but after conversion, it was way too pricey! But all in good fun, rite?

Dinner at Vijay's uncle's place was really good. Add wine, ambience and good company, by the time it was 10 pm I was already feeling high and sleepy. Was forced to go to a club to meet some friends who had arranged something for me (not that I knew it at the time). Had a great time there. The band playing there sang me a birthday song and I was forced to go up stage and dance there. Was damn shy! :p Then, my friends brought out this amazingly sinful chocolate ice cream cake from Haagen Daaz. Yummy.

Looking tired after a night of fun.







The next day was shopping, shopping and more shopping. Bought a pair of Adidas shoes which were totally unnecessary :) And some cheap 'ah-lian' clothes. And a laptop bag. Hung out at a 'Hooters' bar, drank beer and played drinking games.
My Kilkenny in a Hooters pint.








Real fun day. See the happy smiles! Too bad it ended so fast.

Monday, and it was time to go back to boring KL :) Friends took us to this chocolate bar where all they serve is chocolate and waffles and stuff like that.


Drank this really happening drink called 'Suckao' where you get to melt your own chocolate pellets in a small pot of milk over a tealight candle. Then it was time to get on the bus and head back to KL. 3 days just wasn't enough!



Kuantan
Although everyone was grumbling about the trip, I think all of us had fun. The bus ride there was really bumpy. We chose to sit in the back row and it was like being on a roller coaster ride. We were thrown left, right and center! Reached the resort about 3 plus. We thought we could have some leisure time before dinner but were forced to go to the beach for some team-building activities instead. Thank goodness it rained after about half an hour, so we did our thing. Played cards, chatted etc. Dinner was themed 'Batik / Hawaiian' so I wore my pareo like a dress :) Because of the rain, the beachside BBQ had to be shifted indoors so that was a bit of a letdown. I drank quite a lot that night :) Went back to bed only about 3 something in the morning after hanging out at the beach with some bottles of wine and Chivas.

Woke up the next day at 10 am for breakfast then tele-match games. It was fun, but real tiring. After that, we had to practice for our division performance which we were aiming for first prize. Laughed a lot again and nearly lost my voice :) Was the emcee for the performance so decided to stay away from the drinks during dinner. As expected, our performance was a hit and naturally we won. Danced and drank the night away with another midnight rendezvous to the beach.

Next day was 'balik kampung' and everyone was just groggy and suffering from last night's drinks. Slept most of the way back in the bus even though it was as bumpy as before.

Now, back in the office doing work. Nose is leaking and I'm coughing non-stop. Suffering from the after-effects of too much partying and not enough water and sleep :)

Back online!

After 2 weeks of being disconnected, I finally got my replacement laptop today.

For those of you whom I didn't tell the story to, my laptop got stolen from my desk in my office when I went for lunch. Unbelievable, ain't it?

Anyway, just got back from Kuantan (department trip sponsored by company) and feeling really sickly. Coughing my lungs away. Too much drinking over the weekend :)

Will post pictures from my singapore trip and kuantan trip as soon as I get them.

Feels good to be able to actually do some work. Too much of 'non-work' gets boring after a while.

Work + coffee + roadtrips = TIRED

More photos from Nandos. Doesn't the chicken look yummy. It's Tuesday morning, i'm sitting here in the office, drinking my coffee and looking at a picture of a chicken. Talk about lazing and not doing work!

A picture of my division. Check out the guy 'posing'. Hehehe... obviously he was the butt of jokes for the week!

Anyway, the past weekend just rushed past like Flash Gordon. Went to Awana Genting for a workshop on Friday and Saturday. Unfortunately, didn't take any pictures with my phone. Plus lost RM50 to Uncle Lim. Had fun though. Was pretty interesting and helpful. By the time i got back on Saturday, it was already 6 something in the evening. Didn't have my housekeys so met up with Farrah, drove her car back and chilled in her house while waiting for my housemates to return home. Went back home at about 10 pm, changed, packed and out i went again, this time for some Starbucks coffee with Farrah and Mahes and met up with Miss P later. Was really sleepy by then but knowing us, we just couldn't go back home and sleep (like normal, sane people) so we ended up having supper THEN going back home. Even after a shower, we didn't sleep until about 4 something in the morning and we were supposed to leave KL for ipoh at 8 am (which we did!)

Drive to Ipoh. A picture of Farrah speeding so that we can blackmail her next time :) We only reached Ipoh around 11 plus am though, coz we somehow drove into selayang and ipoh and stopped for some good ole' char siew pau on the way. Then we had to stop at a rest stop on the way to buy some kacang and a weird looking fruit called 'tampoi'. By the time we got to the wedding, we were already full. But of course we ate the food served there too!
I was pretty impressed with the clarity of the camera. This picture was taken at the maximum zoom. Not bad an investment, I must say. :)

Picture with the bride and groom. The groom is a good friend of mine from HSBC. Have known him for 2 years and he's my so-called macho man :) Means, I get to bully him into doing stuff for me. The stuff in the IKEA bag is actually our wedding present. Bought them a lamp with a really nice shade. First time at a Hindu wedding ceremony. The priest was doing a whole bunch of stuff which I didn't understand and had to get a narrative from Miss P.
After the wedding, we went round Ipoh town and stopped for some of Farrah's egg custard. Forgot to take photos from this point forward. It was amazing how we could eat and eat and eat. After the egg custard, we bought some 'famous' curry puffs and portugese egg tarts to save for later on the journey back. All of us were really sleepy by then so to keep awake, we went to a shopping mall! Walked round there, bought some stuff, then it was off to eat again! This time, ate famous Ipoh Hor Fun with Bean Sprouts and Steamed Chicken. We actually witnessed a snatch theft while we were eating. This guy on a bike snatched a lady's purse and there was some commotion but the dude had already sped off. Nothing much anyone could have done. After that, we were so paranoid and hurriedly finished off our food and clutched our bags close to us. I slept all the way back to KL. Reached home about 9.30 pm, Sunday night.

What an eventful weekend. Shifting to new place and going to Singapore this coming weekend. Must remember to take more photos!

Testing

Just testing out my new camera-phone at Nando's Midvalley Megamall yesterday at dinner. Look at the happy grin on Ng's face. The girl who just came back from Bandung, Indon.

The haze has really worsened. I think visibility is now only about 400 meters. The worst part is, the government does not want to release the API figures. How can something as important as this, be an official secret? You’re talking about the health of your citizens! Just because they don’t want to scare off the tourists, they’re keeping the figures to themselves. Come on. The public deserves to know. Besides, it’s not like the government is paying for our healthcare. And looking at the condition, it’s definitely way past the dangerous level. They really should be issuing directives to shut down the city and asking people to stay at home. Even going to work is now hazardous because you would obviously have to get out of the house, walk to your car, drive through the haze with minimal visibility, park your car, walk to the office. And even in the office, you can smell the smoke. That acrid smell which clogs up your nose and makes you sneeze and sniff like you have the flu. This is bad, I tell you. Everyone’s just suffering. And all the Indon government can do is apologize for THEIR hotspots and burning and blame it on the illegal loggers. Isn’t there anything they can do to put out these fires? It just seems like a lack of enforcement and will power that’s causing all this. If it just affects their country, then that’s fine. But it’s now affecting US! It’s really time to put a foot down and say “Hey, if you can’t handle your shit, then let others step in can take care of it coz it’s affecting the health of our citizens”. Damn.

Hazy Monday

It's a Monday and it's hazy. The weather is really bad. It's hot. It's humid. It's stuffy. Even if you're outside, it feels like there is no air and you can hardly breathe. I wonder when the haze will clear up and we can actually see the city skyline once again.

My sore throat's gone. The doctor confirmed my suspicions that I had a viral infection. He gave me a prescription of antibiotics, fever tablets, flu and phlegm tablets, cough syrup and some mouth gargle. Now, according to my doctor sister, if you've got a virus, antibiotics don't do shit. So, I really don't know if I'm cured because of the antibiotics OR are the antibiotics just acting as a placebo. Because after taking one tablet, I was fine the next day. Anyway, as usual, I didn't finish the prescription of antibiotics and the packet is still stuffed somewhere in my handbag.

My Friday was really busy. I finally actually stepped foot into Port Klang. Have not been there in my whole entire life before. Went there to interview some people for a project I'm working on. The journey there took a really long time but it was a refreshing change to be out of the office. Friday was also the longest I'd ever stayed in the office. It was really spooky to have everyone gone back and only a handful left on the floor.

Zoomed off to the Jazz Fest in Mont Kiara after that. It was pretty alrite. Especially the second act with a nine-piece band with trumpets, trombone and saxophone. The first act was that Shelley Leong girl. I'd already caught her performance once in Alexis and she delivered the same stuff again, so wasn't too impressed with her. The place wasn't very conducive to have a Jazz Fest though. Everyone was talking really loudly and it's really very distracting. Plus there was this bunch of annoying brats sitting behind me and you can tell that they're those rich spoiled brats who go to International schools and speak with annoying American accents even though they're 100% Malaysian. They were talking so loudly and this girl who sat directly behind me was so oblivious to her surroundings and probably thinks the world revolves around her, bumped into my chair so many times I had to refrain myself from actually screaming at her and making a scene. I was that irritated and annoyed. And the fact that I was already tired from work didn't help things.

Got my keys to the new place. Went there just in time to join the dudes for a drinking session. I first wanted furnitire in the living room, but after that night, the 'zen like' open concept is probably a better idea. The amount of drinks and food that was spilled on the floor was just amazing. I'm now thinking if this is going to be a weekly affair and dreading it if it is. Not that I don't enjoy their company but the cleaning up is just horrendous.

Shopped on Saturday and went a little overboard. All I can say is, I'm broke but at least I'm happy :) Unfortunately, still do not have any nice suits.

Watched the crappiest chinese movie ever on Sunday. Do not watch 7 swords. No story. No charachter building. Fight scenes were lame. Love scenes were utterly horrible. Bonding scenes were corny.

Had 2 really good meals PLUS bought another pair of sandals. Found this really nice pair of Adidas sneakers which is quite cheap too. Didn't get it of course, but it's now in my head.

Woke up late today but didn't reach work that late. Besides, I was one of the first to arrive anyway. Big boss ain't around so everyone's a little more relaxed.

New place is only 15 km away from work. Driving at average speed with normal traffic, it's only 10-15 minutes. Heaven.

Moving is shite. It's the only thing left now that's bothering me.

Ails of the physical body...

The physical body is a weak thing. As the saying goes, the mind is strong but the flesh is weak. Anyway, the point is that I’m sick once again after 4 months. Must be some kind of quarterly thing. The last time I was sick was in May. My throat is so sore. It hurts just to swallow my saliva let alone talk and eat. And as usual, I haven’t gone to a doctor yet. I just don’t like visiting doctors. Probably because I’m just so not used to it. Practically all my life, when I fell sick, it was just going up to dad and telling him “Dad, I have stomach ache” or “Dad, my throat hurts”. And voila, with just a prod or two, medication would miraculously appear and my illness will be cured in no time. Never had to go to a clinic, wait anxiously outside till the nurse calls your name, face a stranger and tell him what’s wrong with you, let him prod and poke you and look into your mouth… I hate all that. The first time I had to go to a strange doctor’s clinic, I was so freaked out. And every time I get sick, I just put off the visit to a doctor till I’m practically dying. Hence the fact I’m just sucking on loads of ‘Extra Strong’ Strepsils and drinking lots and lots of water which doesn’t seem to be helping my throat.

Looks like a visit to the doctor it is…

Loss...

How do you handle the sudden loss of a direct family member? I can't imagine the feeling. When my dad had that accident there was still never a possibility of him dying. And the emotions at that time were pretty bad already.

I'm so sorry for the loss of both your parents.

On a happier note...

On a happier note, the weekend was a blast. First on Saturday there was a dinner party with my ex-team, then on Sunday, a wine & pizza party with the Voices gang. What more could I have asked for? Good food, good wine and to top it all of, good company.

The dinner on Saturday was extremely mouth watering delicious. An authentic all-American dinner. First there was soup, then salad, then the entree, followed by the dessert and finally coffee. I was so stuffed even before the end of the meal. But it was good. Coupled with good wine, fantastic ambience, and great conversation, the whole evening was truly enjoyable. Adjourned to a place in Saujana Resort after that. The band there was really good! And the place was really nice too. Crowd was just nice and the music was really good. The only thing about it is that it's a bit posh hence the prices are a bit steep too.

Sunday was really fun. Hanging out with the Voices gang again. Plus, it was just the old gang. None of these new kids whom we hardly know. Had good pizza, good wine, played Scrabble (I attempted to make up my own rules but no one wanted to listen to me) and our usual fun and games. The things we do! I'm pretty sure that one day, when we're all important people, some enemies of ours is going to dig up all the footage and photos of all the silly things that we've done and use them to blackmail us. Oh well... I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it! Was just really fun hanging out with them after so long. Was just like the good old days when we had no responsibilities and the our biggest worry was whether we're going to ace the test or not. And now everyone's working and the only time we have to meet is during the weekends. At least when I was still working in Cyber, I could have attended some of their 'church' meets.

I know this may sound lame and all but I thought it was really nice of the dudes to have labelled the room 'hele's room' and to have made a set of keys for me already even though at that time I haven't confirmed with them that I would take up their offer. :) Shows how much small things like these can affect me.

How do I know if I've made the right decision?

How do I know? This question has been bugging me ever since my move here. How do I know if I've made the right choice? It's already been a month here but I still feel like a fish out of water. Could it be that the last place I was in, the environment was so great and now over here, everyone's just minding their own business? And speaking to my ex-colleagues over the weekend, I realise that I really miss them and the camaderie we shared. It was amazing as to how fast we all just clicked and chatting away like we've known each other for years. And the relationship that I had with my ex-boss was also amazing and I think is almost impossible to find anywhere else. The dinner with them was great and I really miss working with them.

So now, I'm left wondering if I've made the right choice by choosing to leave to pursue this path I'm on now. Everyone says that it's the right move, the wise move, but is it really? The problem with me is that I don't know what I want. I don't know where I want to be in 5 years time. Sure, there are things that I say when someone asks me that question, but I don't know if that IS what I really want.

I keep thinking about what I had and if I made a mistake choosing to leave. I think it's mainly because of the team dynamics and what a great boss she was. If only someone could just tell me straight to my face that I made the right decision and that everything's going to turn out good.

Because of this change of job, I now have to move as well. Another change in my life. I don't necessarily have to move but the journey to and fro work is just horrendous. But the one thing that's holding me back is that, what if this doesn't work out? What if I do really badly at this and I need to find something else? I know that's like really thinking pessimistically but what if it really happens? I know that it won't happen if I don't allow it to happen but it's been a month and I'm still feeling awkward with what I'm doing. I suppose it could be that because in my last place, I knew everything at the tip of my fingers.

Oh gosh... this is so hard. I hate when I'm feeling so much doubt about myself. So, how do I know?

Thank God it's Friday!

Yay... it's friday!!! And just another few more hours before I can go home and enjoy two free days of fun and leisure!

The days just pass really fast. I'll be complaining that it's a Monday, and with a blink of an eye, it'd be Friday and I'll be shouting Yippee! Then, Saturday & Sunday will zip by and once again, it's Monday and I'll be grumpy. It's a never ending cycle.

Wearing my patience thin

Started my day by being nearly crushed by a bloody huge bus on my commute to work. Curse those bloody bus drivers who drive recklessly and don’t give a shit about the other drivers on the road just because they’re in a stupid, huge vehicle and won’t get hurt if they bang a car. Unfortunately there wasn’t a number at the back of the bus where you can call and complain if the driver was driving like a maniac. Bloody bus drivers. And bloody motorcyclists too. Damn irritating creatures who weave in and out of traffic, stay behind your car but in your blind zone, ride in the middle of the lane fucking slowly and blocking your car from overtaking them as they’re right in the middle! There should be a bloody law for all these irritating creatures on the road. These people are the ones causing the jams and accidents. If the damn motorcyclist doesn’t give a damn about his own life and expect other motorists to watch out for him, then why bother making bloody ads asking us to watch out for THEM? It’s their bloody life! If they don’t give a damn about it, then why should others? Fucking irritating pests of the roads! And why must people always slow down when there’s an accident? Why must they always want to look? Even if they DO want to look, they don’t have to bloody slow down! These people are causing even worse backlogs to happen! As if having an accident right in the middle of the road isn’t bad enough. There’s also a reason why the right lane is called the fast lane. If people want to be on the right lane, then fucking drive faster. Don’t go onto the right lane and then drive at fucking 50 km/ph!

I can’t take it anymore. Every morning AND evening, I face these things. It takes me a bloody one plus hour just to get to work and another hour more to get back. 2 hours of my life wasted, just like that. Not to mention the fuel consumption, the wear and tear of my car and the fact that the risk of my dying young is highly increased due to reckless driving of some people.

It’s time… really.

Ramblings of a stagnant mind

I’m really curious as to what’s been happening with Kiley. Yeah yeah, I know that we’re not supposed to be friends anymore (thanks to a whole load of paranoia and mistrust!) but it’s been so long I can’t help but wonder if things still have to be this way. The last I heard, they were going to get married by the end of this year. I don’t know why the thought suddenly popped into my head, but I guess sometimes, you think of the strangest things for no particular reason. I think he’s graduating this year as well. I think of my friendship with him, and how close we were (given the distance) even after we were no longer together, and how cool it was talking to him about guys and him talking to me about girls. We were more like brother and sister by then. And I find that totally cool since everyone used to say we looked alike J I still remember when he called all the way from Down Under when I was having problems with and how nice it for him to do that for me. I still wear the shirt he bought for me from Aussie. It’s a damn nice shirt, anyway. And I still remember him telling me about finding this girl he really liked who, coincidentally, was from my school and knew me as well (although I couldn’t’ really remember her at the time). And how happy I was for him when he told me that he really really liked her and she could be ‘The One’. And how great I thought it would be if we all went out when they came back to Penang for their holidays. But look how things turned out instead. Now I don’t even know where he is, what he’s doing and whether he’s still with her or not. Oh wait, since he’s still not in contact with me, I suppose they’re still together.

Don’t get me wrong, there are no romantic feelings involved here. It’s just the thought of losing a friend that’s bothering me. Well, not really bothering, but just creeps into my thoughts once in a while. I very much wanted him to meet Vijay as well. I think they would have gotten on very well since they’re both so crazy and passionate about football. It’s also hurtful to know that when I wrote to him about my dad, he didn’t even bother to reply. When everyone else was so supportive and helpful. 6 years of friendship (and more) just down the drain.

Is it weird when you’re still good friends with your ex? How much does it affect your relationship with your current partner? I mean, sure, it would be weird if your partner and his/her ex is really really close and still talk on the phone etc but what if they were just normal friends who correspond and meet once in a while? Putting myself in her shoes, I guess I would be a little jealous but I won’t cut off his friendship. That’s the last thing I would do. I’ve got a friend who’s in a similar position right now. Well, not really similar as her partner is really close (and I mean really close) with his ex. Apparently she’s his best friend. And they travel together and even share the same room. Now, that’s weird, right? She’s even got a boyfriend but he doesn’t mind it at all! I don’t know… maybe it’s just a girl thing. According to my boyfriend, it is. Just a girl thing. And you won’t see guys behaving like this. :p What a sexist thing to say. And you can’t imagine the arguments I’ve had with him regarding stuff like this. But then sometimes I DO think that it’s just a girl thing….

P.S. the above are just ramblings as I’m currently stuck on my project and not because I don’t have any work (as some of you may think).

Too little too late...

The past weekend was a journey through many ups and downs and self revelations. My emotional immaturity when it comes to this and stubborness and persistance in dogging someone, almost led to the downfall of something really important to me. And that's something I don't even want to go through again. When something big blows up in your face, that's when you realise that it's time to let go of pride. And what's the point of having pride if it means you might lose the most important thing in your life?

On another note, met up with the Voices gang on Friday. It was fun hanging out with them again. But felt really old and out of place with all the new kids. It was basically the alumni hanging out with each other and the new kids grouping in another corner. But a couple of bottles of red, some yummy birthday cake, good ole Maggi Mee ala Abang style for supper and great company just capped off my Friday. Let's drink to more Fridays hanging out together!

A little self-reflection

Someone once told me that I have the ability to take a step back and reflect on myself for what I've done. Anyway, upon returning home after watching the movie 'The Island' (see review at
I couldn't sleep. It was already 1 am by then and I had to get up at 6 am the next morning. And because of an arguement I had with him, I started thinking about myself. I looked at myself at an objective manner and suddenly saw all my whims and fancies and complains and whines being so insignificant and small and that I sometimes get over-emotional on issues and over-react to things, I just seemed so silly to myself. And I wonder why I do all these things. For example, when something happens, I over-react, get angry, upset etc. But after a while, I'll be fine and will be thinking to myself "Why the heck did I get so upset for?" I react to things without thinking. I really need to get ahold of myself and start working on a few things which bother me.

Here's a list of things I thought of which I should work on (at least for now).

Things I overindulge in:
1. Shopping / Spending money
2. Eating

Traits I should change:
1. Being too emotional
2. My over-reaction to small things
3. My impatience
4. My intolerance for people who are slow
5. Getting angry when things don't go the way I expected
6. Being too self-critical

Traits I should keep:
1. Can't think of any - hence point 6 above.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the wisdom to know the difference.

Nomad...

I'm beginning to feel like one of those desert people who don't stay in one place but constantly move around. Albeit I've only shifted once after 2 years in SK but I've been in my new place for only 3 months and now I most probably am going to shift again. The thought of packing and moving my stuff and then unpacking again is just dreadful. I am so dreading it. But I know I have to do it. For the sake of my car, my pocket and my patience. Even though it's been only 3 weeks since I have had to drive from Puchong to D'sara Heights, the one hour journey every morning is really tiresome. And it's eating a lot into my petrol not to mention car maintenance. Not only that, the distance is about 25 km. So I have to leave my house at 7:30 am to reach the office at 8:40 am. Terrible. And for now, I suppose it's still okay coz I'm not really working on anything as of yet. But imagine if you have to work till really late then drive 25 km home then wake up the next morning to spend one hour on the road to the office again. If only I had a chaffeur :) How easy my life would be. The thing about my place now is that we're really near each other. So it's really easy to meet during weekends and to decide at the last minute who's staying at who's place. Guess that's the only thing. Even though I've got a few more friends staying around that area, I hardly meet them anyway so they don't count. Guess I'll have to start listing down pros and cons again and decide from there. But then, deep down inside I know what is it that I have to do. Bleh...

Although I've sort of like been having normal working hours for a few months now, working in KPMG really made me feel it. Even though I was 9-6 previously, I was still in Cyberjaya. And there was always no traffic jams to Cyberjaya. Besides, I had pretty flexible hours there and usually reached work at around 10-10.30. Now, it's a whole new story. I still don' t have a punch card but everyone gets to the office at around 8.45-9.15. So I try to be there by 8.45 considering I'm new and don't go home fairly late. The timing isn't what makes me feel the normalcy. It's the route that I HAVE to take to get to the office. Can you believe that it takes me an hour just to get from my house to the office? Crazy isn't it? Without the jam, I can probably make it in 20-30 minutes. But because everyone else is also on their way to work, the roads are just so jammed up and I'll be crawling like a snail on the road. For example, I spent 30 -40 minutes just to get past the Sunway toll. It's madness! So now I finally know how morning traffic feels like. :( Not that I was very curious before. My journey home, however, will take me only about 30-40 minutes. That's because (my assumption) not everyone leaves work at the same time. Some may leave at 4 (re: civil servants), 5, 5.30, 6 etc. Staggered. And it makes so much of a difference! Furthermore, I take the Federal Highway back home which usually has the worst jams. And by the time I get home, it's usually only around 7. Not bad eh? So I even have time to make myself dinner (yes, I can cook).

Even though I've got normal working hours (which everyone craves for?) it feels really weird. Not to mention boring. All my other friends (ex-colleagues) have the odd hours which I used to work. So by the time my day is over, it'd only be halfway through for them. Everytime I get back from lunch, I always look at the clock and think "Wow, my day is half done and they haven't even started theirs yet!" It's really a drag. Especially when your other half is working those hours. By the time he gets back from work, I'll be sleeping soundly. When I get up, HE'LL be sleeping soundly or just about ready to go to bed. When I finish work, he'll still be at work for another 6 hours. Can't even talk on the phone. So the only communication I have with him are text messages and when I see him on weekends. Sucks. Plus, when we've already planned that he will take leave so that we can have an extra day together and for him to back out as some last minute presentation is shoved to him by his mean boss really doesn't help things. Not at all.

On a totally seperate note, I want the new Harry Potter book! I know I should have booked it a long time ago but I just kept putting it off and now I know I most definitely won't get it tomorrow as it will be sold out. Dammit! Trying to bid for it on e-bay but something's wrong with the server and can't process my bid. Have been trying all morning!!! If someone I know out there will get the book tomorrow, may I borrow it after you're done reading it?

Freezing cold!

The bloody office is extremely cold. I'll be wearing a 3-piece suit and still feel cold. And not just cold... but so cold, your fingers just go numb and you can hardly type and write anything. So cold, your toes become so stiff they can't bend. So cold, your nose feels like it's going to drop off. Get the picture? Plus the fact that I'm wearing a skirt doesn't help things at all. I really should start getting stockings. I have to dress like a professional but how come my pay isn't enough to make me look like one? Ish...

On another note, was just reading Sze's blog and she wrote about all the stuff Voices has done together. And man, did reading that bring back a truckload of memories. And it did bring back that feeling of nostalgia that hits once in a while. Sze mentioned about our Gabai experience when a tree fell on 4 cars (mine included) and missed Sylvia's. According to Syl, it was divine intervention, which I seem to believe is true. =) I remember driving around in my car that looks like it got beat up really badly, and even after I had the dents knocked out, I didn't have enough moolah to get it resprayed, so drove around for even longer with patches of orange everywhere! But time has passed... I don't even have that car anymore. And there is no way I am going to drive to Gabai in my present car. Just in case. I mean... call me paranoid and that lightning never strikes the same place twice... but better to be safe than sorry!

Went to Sunway Pyramid last night and had a really great dinner. Prawns were yummy, fish had just the right flakiness and the calamari was juicy. Yum yum.. just thinking about it is making me drool... and there's another 2 plus hours before lunch! And lunch here is pretty expensive. The cheapest thing I've eaten so far cost me about RM3.50.

In terms of costing, I definitely took a step back. I'm paying more for stuff now than I would have if I didn't accept this job. Not only do I have to pay for parking here, but I also have to shop for a whole new wardrobe (which I haven't done) as the company requires their female employees to be dressed in skirts. And since I am in the consulting line, I would have to get more than one suit. And that would cost me. Besides that, I also lose out on time. I spend much more time on the road than I would have if travelling to Cyberjaya. But... I would have been stupid to turn down an offer from here and stayed on there. Won't go into the whole job prospect thingy but in the long run, I suppose I would be benefit from being here. Wasn't very happy to hear that bonus and stuff ain't that good, though. Oh well, money isn't everything, rite? At least that's what I try to tell myself whenever I feel regret creeping in. The problem is that although advisory IS a part of the firm but the bulk of it's ppl are in accounting. So a lot of policies are made because of issues in audit & tax. And we, in advisory, have to bear the brunt of it. For example, we don't get overtime allowance. And we are also sometimes required to work on public holidays depending on project deadlines, without getting paid. Also, our organisation structure is rather flat so it's harder to get promoted as there is very little hierarchy. Oh well. This is only my 2nd week. We'll see how things go. At least I'll be able to have consulting in my resume. Carries some weight, rite?

Feeling a bit sleepy now... going to read some news.

On the job...

First week in my new company has passed. What can I say? Nothing much yet, basically. Haven't really started on anything as of yet. Have been put on a project, but it's an existing one and already half done. So it's more of me trying to catch up and comprehend what's going on and what's been done. Exciting part about it is, I might have the chance to travel to the Middle East. How cool is that! Now, it's just a lot of reading up on stuff so that I don't look stupid.
As for my new colleagues, well, they seem to a really nice bunch who's pretty helpful in getting me started and kicking. But then again... too soon to tell. And most of them aren't around either as they're on a project site. But we went out for dinner last Friday (courtesy of the big boss) and it was quite fun. Chatted, had dinner then drinks. Had to go through some initiation drink which was basically a lemon drop (a shot of vodka with lemon and sugar on the side). Big Boss's favourite drink is vodka, so the rest of us basically has no say in what to order. And it's been made pretty clear that I will HAVE to like vodka since that's the only drink we'll take when we go out. Got myself pretty high too.. but of course, didn't do / say anything stupid. Acted really sober in front of all of them until I got to my car and just went "Whoa!" Went home, fell asleep and just waited for my weekend to start with my Sayang.

On another note, my weekend was fantastic. Probably coz it's been 2 weeks since I last saw my Sayang but it really was great. Met him on Saturday morning at 4 am. By then, I was already half asleep since I came back all high anyway. Wished him happy birthday then stayed up and 'talked' till about 5 am when both of us got really hungry. Too lazy to go out to get something, so he decided to cook for me his 'special' scrambled eggs. So ventured out into the kitchen and started scrambling some eggs. Had a bit of toast with it and a cup of chicken & mushroom soup. To me, that was just lovely and fun. After that, we both got really sleepy and so we slept and only woke up at about 4 pm. In between, there were loads of calls and SMS' for him from ppl wishing him happy birthday. Anyway, woke up, got dressed and went out for a bit of good ole rice and mutton curry =) Wasn't long before we had to go out again, as he made plans with his friends to meet for some wine in Bangsar (pretentious, ain't he?) The wine place was pretty alrite. The ambience was good and the wine affordable. Of coz, my Sayang being the itchified person he is, we next went to Waikiki for some Jack Daniels and Tequila shots. Waikiki being the chose place, coz well, it was the place where we first started talking to each other =) Both of us got pretty smashed but managed to get home safely (Thank God) and slept really soundly after a bit of more 'talking'. Sunday was jsut really lazy with the both of us waking up at 4 pm again and just watching old episodes of Friends till we got hungry at about 6 and went to Nirwana Maju for dinner. Bought 2 Dvds at Bangsar - Schindler's List and Coach Carter. Watched both when we went back home but I fell asleep after about 3/4 of Schindler's List. After all, I had to wake up at 6 am the next morning!

All in all, the weekend was a blast. Let's hope for more weekends filled with fun, laughter and love!

Just breathe...

As my last day in my current approaches, butterflies have suddenly popped up in my stomach. Not a whole lot, but every now and then, when I think about it, there's this queasy feeling and I feel like throwing up. I mean, I'm excited about my new job and I know it will definitely bring me places and that I will gain a whole truckload of experience but.... This place here now was my very first job. And I've made lots of friends, learnt shitloads about office politics etc. I am so in my comfort zone. Everyone knows me. Even senior management would stop and say hi when they see me. And I know I definitely won't get that kind of treatment anymore in my new place. My current boss is just terrific. She's supportive, encouraging, fun, cool. My new colleagues in the team are great too. They're a bunch of wacky people who think the world of me coz I know everything that needs to be known about this department and my boss and I get things done quickly and efficiently. And I'm not afraid to voice out my opinion. I'm like the reigning queen in my department. And I know they will definitely miss me. =) The person replacing me just ain't the same, according to them. Even my boss thinks so. So all these mixed feelings about leaving and shit are really messing up my mind. When I tendered my letter, July 1st just seemed so far away. I mean 2 months! And now June is almost gone and I'll be leaving this place in a week's time. The thought of not leaving has actually played around in my head but I know I'll be stupid not to go. Even though I know I will most probably suffer and be working like a dog there, what I'll have in my resume will be impressive. I hope. Every decision shapes your future. And deep down, I know I've made the right decision. I need to be challenged. I need a job where I'll be on my toes and everyday will present me with something new. And I'm just not feeling that drive and push in my current position. Yeah, my boss is championing a lot of projects but they're not mine. I'm not a part of it. At the end of the day, I'm still a Personal Assistant. My priorities will always be to manage my boss first. Hence my last day is 1st July. And so, everytime I feel scared and nauseous, I just take a deep breath and tell myself that it's all for the better.

The things people say and do when they're drunk is not funny. When you're under the influence of alcohol, everything just gets blown out of proportion and a simple statement can send someone flying to the roof with anger. And it's not a good thing when 2 people who already pissed off and irritated with other things, turn on each other. First hand experience, last Saturday. I was pissed off, frustrated and when he did something which under normal circumstances would not even have got my attention, I just blew up. And he blew up at me as well. We exchanged certain words which we shouldn't have. We said things we didn't mean. But thank goodness everything's alrite and we apologised and we're back to where we were. And i now realise that i really......

I'm going to miss my job....

Nostalgia...

No boss today! Out sick. So here I was, strolling into the office (actually I was hurrying as I thought I was late) when my cell phone rang and it was my boss informing that she will not be in today and even tomorrow. So for the first half of the day, I finished up everything that was pending and after that... boredom! Nothing to do! Been surfing the net all day when I decided to go into the mmuaustrals2003 group thingy and started reading all the old mails. And whoa... talk about feeling nostalgic!

Suddenly all the feelings of anxiety, excitement, irritation, anger all just came back. I remember how stressful it was at that time. Committee members wanting to jump at each other's throats. The work and effort and time we all put in. The endless emails going back and forth especially when deciding on the hotel. I remember calling Farrah from the meeting to ask her if she would like to fill in the convenor position. The endless arguements about how much we should spend and save on the money that we get. The many many arguements about socials (no, I am NOT going to talk about our dear director). The feelings of suspicion and paranoia that we might be cheated. How Farrah and I had to take 'leave' to attend our Australs functions. And finally when the whole event was going on, how our runners were not 'running' and most of the ex-comm had to do everything by themselves. How we wanted to an australs - matrix style intro which never worked out but was really fun talking about it (how come I got a lame part like the keymaker? He dies so fast in the movie!). Reading more of those mails and URGH... getting invoices and receipts from a particular someone was so difficult... wouldn't that give you reason to suspect that something's up? Anyway, the organization of Australs was great. Put a lot of things in perspective. When you're working in a team, everyone has GOT to pull their weight. And if they don't, the team needs to have the guts to say 'You're fired' as Donald Trump in Apprentice would say. And just because someone is a smooth talker, things that he says doesn't necessarily will get done. It's a lot like being in this company. You need to have the guts to tell someone that they're doing something wrong or they're not performing. Rather than letting it slide and trying to cover up.

I do sometimes miss the old debate days. Going for training, getting scolded by Prabs, finding excuses not to for training coz we didn't want to shouted at by Prabs, supper sessions after training, the tournaments, the feelings of anger and injustice towards adjudicators and debaters alike, the emotional ups and downs of everyone in the team, the songs that we sing, the re-enactment of movie scenes, the silly games we played etc. Everything was just great. One big happy family with its moments of drama here and there. The thing I miss most was the great conversations we had. It may be about something mundane but the wit is always there. And because everyone around was so witty, you gotta be on your toes to come back with a retort or add something to your sentence to make it sound funny and charming. I feel like my brain matter has been reduced ever since I left Voices. The conversations that I have with other people just ain't the same. You dont' have to be witty. You don't have to sound really smart. Most of the time, you're the smartest person within that group anyway and your normal words will be enough.

That's why I think it's good for me to join the consulting world. At least it'd force me to be on my toes and to keep my wit sharp. After all, I'd have to talk to people and have to sound really smart :) Also, I will be subscribing to some kind of magazine. Most probably Time. Economist is much better with the data and information but it just looks so boring! At least i know i'll read Time. I've also started reading stuff online. I want to get back into the mode i was in during debate days!

Sigh... sometimes being in the corporate world can render oneself stupid...

Tortured hearts and souls. That seems to be the theme over the past weekend. Jilted lovers who can't get over their love. Blogging about their pain to the world. Watching a movie about relationships, emotions and needs. Sigh... so who said love is enough to keep us alive? What about the possibility of falling OUT of love? If you can fall IN, you can always climb back out. And like I've once quoted on a previous post from a movie:

If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking.

Chatting about that movie with someone who relates to it was so enlightening. Prior to that, I've only watched it with V who can be as shallow as a teaspoon at times. And he didnt' like the movie. I found it so profound and he didn't feel a thing. Differences in opinions...

Sometimes I miss having argumental conversations about stuff debates are about. Politics, environment, culture etc. I mean, the end of my university life revolved so much around debates. You're surrounded by smart people (some of them, anyway) and the conversations that go on force you into a situation where you HAVE to read and keep up. If not, you just end up sounding really stupid AND feeling stupid. I miss having someone to 'debate' with or at least bounce off ideas and arguments and rebutting one's opinions. Like I said before, teaspoon. Okay okay... not so bad. I'm just being biased and judgemental. We DO talk about stuff. And when we talk about these kind of things, we end up fighting. Our opinions are just so different. And work just takes up so much time. Stuff we talk about revolves around work so much. It's annoying at times. I think 80% of our conversation is about work issues or people at work. The other 20% would be about AOB - any other business. I don't know how this change in jobs will affect us. As it is, now that we're on different timing but still in the same company, there's kind of a strain on our relationship. We don't have time to see each other except on weekends. And we need weekends to see our friends too. So what now? I think it's been about 2 weeks since I last spent time with him. Some people might not think that's a long period of time but hey, when you're working in the same company and living in the same vincinity, that's long.

Imagination & fantasies...

Was at work till really late last night. If you ask me what I was doing, I really can't tell you. I just found out some feedback on me and being professional last night and I'm really annoyed. Not at the person who gave the feedback but at the person whom caused this whole thing in the first place. SHE was the one who started to talk to me about the issue and yes, I should brought her outside but it just didn't cross my mind. And she was happily talking about it and asking me questions. Damn. I feel so irritated! Anyway, nothing I can do... just take it in good stride and learn from it.

On another note, as I was in the office late, my mind just started wandering and I wasn't really concentrating on my work. Was just thinking of my move to another company, how it would be like, will I move up the corporate ladder there etc. Being in the consulting world, I suppose, would give me a better chance of moving up. And having that company in my resume would DEFINITELY help. At least according to a lot of people I've spoken to. So anyway, as usual, I started to think of how things might be in the future... and this is the picture that came to mind:

I'm decked out in a top notch suit, with a laptop bag strung across one shoulder, a trendy handphone in one hand, fashionable glasses perched atop my head, sipping latte at a hip sidewalk cafe and organising my meetings on my Personal Digital Assistant.

How's that for a great mental picture of how I'd like to be? Let's hope things work out and that picture will no longer just be in my head! I'm such a typical yuppie. I DO want the latest handphone model. I DO want a cool laptop. I DO want an iPod mini. I DO want trendy clothes and high class power suits and shoes. I DO want to drive a nice car. I DO want to live in a nice house or posh condo where you need to register the names of your visitors before the guards will let them in. On top of that, I want my close friends around me. I want my darling to be there next to me. I want my family to be proud of me.

Think I can have all of the above? Why not work for it?

P. S. I really do want an iPod mini. Was surfing the net last night and it's so cool!!! Anyone care to donate about RM 999 to me and my iPod cause?

Just when I thought everything was fine and dandy and I'm going to be a PA for a while. Looks like things can change with just one phone call. And that call came last week, on a Friday. Totally unexpected. Totally off my radar screen. Now... time for change again. From one company with 4 letters to another with 4 letters as well.
Thank goodness my boss is so supportive. She was the one who helped me make my decision. Imagine going to your new boss and telling her that you've been offered another job. And imagine your boss helping you sketch out your goals and what you want to achieve. Clearer career path to achieve my goals. That's where I'm headed for.
Everyone is going to be so shocked. Apparently I set the record. The fastest to leave after promotion :) Got to leave in good terms though. And that's where my boss is going to help me too. Design an exit strategy where I will be on good terms with everyone and so that I can always say I've got contacts here. Got to build my network too! After all, that's what consulting is about. How many people you know and can influence. And how fat my address book is.
Anyway, if I don't like it, I can always turn to becoming a PA since I've got the experience :)

Sleepy...

It's Friday morning... the weather is just so perfect for sleeping. It's been drizzly, cloudy and I can just imagine myself under the blanket snoozing away. Either that or reading a book then snoozing away. But no.... where am i? At work. And I'm just too lazy to start off anything yet. Waiting for my boss to go to a meeting at 11 am so that I can eat my breakfast and read a magazine or something. Talk about loafing off!!!

Well, I've shifted into my new place. The place is really nice. The whole apartment block has a very cosy homey feeling to it coz it's very green. And it's next to a hill with monkeys! Can you believe it... monkeys in the middle of a towney area! Housemates are pretty cool too. But my room is still in such a mess!!! Haven't got a cupboard yet... so my clothes are still in bags. Don't know where to put my dvds... got too much of them. Don't know where to put my books... got a fair amount of them. But at least half of my room looks decent. The half where i've set up my computer and bed. Oh well, going to IKEA this evening (if i can get off early) to get my cupboard and whatever else i think is necessary (and since we're talking about me, i might end up buying the whole store!).

Another thing i'm looking forward to is hearing from KPMG. Not going to say much about it yet but let's just hope and pray that i'm accepted. And that what they will offer me is substantial enough for me to accept. We'll see...

My god-son is one month old!!! And when i go back next weekend he's going to be one and half months old. Cool. Time flies doens't it? Just felt like it was last week when my friend texted me to tell me that she's in labour.

On another note, Tubs and Annie are flying high on their trip. I'm so envious. I could have been there with them now. But then so many things happened prior to this trip that I just couldn't drop everything and went off. I put a curse on committments. Especially job committments. How nice if I could just drop everything and disappear for a whole month. A whole month of travelling and relaxing and eating. Mmmm... sounds really good.

I need a vacation!!! I know i just got back from one about a month ago but i need another one now!!! Nothing fancy.. maybe just a weekend getaway with a few friends... maybe a steamboat dinner somewhere cooling... Ish... Somebody plan something please!!! I would plan something if I had time and if I were the type to plan something.

Whoops, boss's visitor is just about to leave. Time to end this post. I think I've done enough whining anyway... Back to work... feeling really drowsy... and my nose is running / blocked. What a week.

The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice

The Blower's Daughter
- Damien Rice

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is (he has)
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off (-?) you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off (-?) you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is (he has)
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is (he has)
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off (-?) you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off (-?) you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to(?)
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off (-?) you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off (-?) you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

I just watched the movie 'Closer'. And Patrick Marber is so accurate in the telling of love. And Mike Nichols made it so real. The story tells of how a person will alwasy be searching for someone better even they're already with someone at that particular time. And what Natalie Portman's character said is so true. There's always a moment before you decide to fall in love. Either you resist it or you fall into it. There's always a choice. People are always not happy even though they've already found someone. There's always the search for someone better. And how the person you love can make you love him so much and need him so much and at the end, he finds someone and falls in love with her because she doesn't need him. And they don't see the irony of the whole thing. And how people can't generally be happy with what they have. Or they feel they don't deserve to be happy. Coz then if they are, then can't be depressed since we are all basically depressive. And so if they find themselves in a state where they're happy, they'll immediately set out to find a situation where they can be unhappy again as they feel they don't deserve that happiness. And how the person that you love can be lying to you and you will never find out unless by some chance coincidence. That they can be with you for years and years but never reveal their true self. And how perverse we can be by torturing ourselves just to hear the sad gory details. And how the truth always hurts and yet we insist on it.

And still we search for it. We yearn for it. We pine for it. We long for it. Even though we know that when we eventually find it, we'd still keep on looking.

- If you believe in love at first sight, then you'll never stop looking. -

My Lil god-son

I never liked new born babies. NOt until last week when I went to visit my close friend's son. Naturally we've been made the god-mothers who will spoil the boy silly. Holding the 2 week old boy just felt so right. Felt so natural in my arms.
But that doesn't mean that I'm ready to have one of my own just yet!



Maternal instincts at work.



Who could resist a face like that?



Isn't he just adorable?

In my office...

Woo Hoo... I'm blogging from my office! What a thrill... I know, I know... sound like some 'jakun' but hey, never had this kind of privilage before!

Anyway, second day on the job. Boss ain't here yet. Met her son, Miles last night. Cute kid. Very hyper. Feeling a bit bored coz there's no one here!!! I'm the only one on the whole damn floor!!! And my office feels like an aquarium. There's this glass wall so everyone can look inside and vice versa and since i'm currently the only one in here, I feel like a goldfish.

I'm bored... Hmm... i wonder if i can 'curi-curi' install Yahoo or MSN messenger. Oh yeah, we can't access our private email accounts from here. Previously it was allowed but then the server kept getting attacked by viruses (thanks to some ppl who simply opened files from unknown ppl) so now that privilage has been taken away. Ish. Came onboard just a little too late.

Let's see what time my boss will come in. Got some filing to do for her. She's almost as messy as I am!!! And I have to clean up and organise stuff for her when I can't even organise myself :) How ironic.

Hele signing off... from my 'aquarium' :)

P.A.?

I am so excited. I start my new position on Monday and I will be working from 9 am to 6 pm! No more vampire hours!!! And i am going to be someone's Personal Assistant. Imagine... I will be managing someone's life!

My new boss is this really cool lady from the States. She has really high expectations from me and I hope i can live up to them. And guess what her name is? It's Halina. So can you just imagine the confusion we'll cause? Everyone who calls will be so confused :)

Anyway, I start on Monday... hope all goes well!!!

Finally...

I got offered a job. Not much of a salary jump but still more than what i'm getting now. And at least i'll be learning new things and actually be doing something related to my degree. And if all goes well, could even turn to be a chartered accountant. We'll see....

Eh?

That's exactly how i feel like right now. I'm not sure what the heck is going on around me. These past few days have been like a blur to me. CAN'T WAIT TO GO LANGKAWI ON SATURDAY!!!

How does it feel like to be hit on by your boss? Well, i know the feelign now! Terribly terribly embarassing since it was done in front of a whole bunch of ppl. Ish...

LANGKAWI... HERE I COME!!!

I was just reading through my past blogs and realised how totally unconnected they are. They're really more like one-page entries of how i felt when i wrote what i wrote. And that is just so like me. Impulsive and emotional. Happy one day, then down the next. Anyone who would have read my blog would probably this girl is some sort of a psycho! Got to learn to take control of my emotions. I'm 23 going on 24 and i still act like a spoiled child sometimes.

Christmas has come and gone. He got me a gift. :) He was so clumsy about the whole thing, it was just hilarious. And sweet. Naturally i also got him something. Which left a gaping hole in my pocket. And guess what? I lost my phone. So now i'm handphone-less. Never realised how much i depended on my phone on so many things. Feel so lost and disconnected right now. There goes another hole burnt in the pocket. Think i left the phone in my VP's house but then again, if it was there, someone would have found it by now. But i seriously can't imagine anyone taking the phone. Not as if it was some hi-tech state of the art phone. Oh well... just one of those things you never can tell.

End of the year is coming. And i'll be ushering in the New Year in the office. Whoopee-Doo.

I want progression. I want change. Let's hope the new year brings all that.

Happy new year.

Tired

I'm tired of all this.
I've cried so much over the past two days, it's enough to fill a dam.
I've got so much heartache over the past two days, it's amazing my heart is still beating.
I just can't do this.
I just can't.
What do i do now?

I think i need a break from all this.
I think i need a break from him.

Hmm... been a pretty long time since i last blogged. Few things have changed. Went home last weekend and was really glad to see improvement in my dad's condition. He's gone back to work. Which is a really good sign. And he's got more movement in his legs. Let's just pray and hope that things continue improving.
I've got a new car now. And the payments are killing me. Sigh... circumstances called for me to have it. Let's hope i get a real big break in my career pretty soon.

Been reading bout Worlds and i miss the tourneys so much. The thrill of being in a tournament. The energy level of the whole thing. How adrenaline just pumps thru everyone and everyone's hyper and happy. Sigh... and i miss all the planning and hard work we put in for australs even though it was grueling. Reading the worlds website and the venues make me wish i was a part of it. Oh well... writing about how much i miss it all aint' gonna change a god damn thing. Anyway, i've 2 more days of leave... so will probably crash some socials :)

Wanna meet up with the sistas this sat for the Star Wars thingy but unfortunately got a friend's b'day party which i can't miss. Ish.