How do I know if I've made the right decision?

How do I know? This question has been bugging me ever since my move here. How do I know if I've made the right choice? It's already been a month here but I still feel like a fish out of water. Could it be that the last place I was in, the environment was so great and now over here, everyone's just minding their own business? And speaking to my ex-colleagues over the weekend, I realise that I really miss them and the camaderie we shared. It was amazing as to how fast we all just clicked and chatting away like we've known each other for years. And the relationship that I had with my ex-boss was also amazing and I think is almost impossible to find anywhere else. The dinner with them was great and I really miss working with them.

So now, I'm left wondering if I've made the right choice by choosing to leave to pursue this path I'm on now. Everyone says that it's the right move, the wise move, but is it really? The problem with me is that I don't know what I want. I don't know where I want to be in 5 years time. Sure, there are things that I say when someone asks me that question, but I don't know if that IS what I really want.

I keep thinking about what I had and if I made a mistake choosing to leave. I think it's mainly because of the team dynamics and what a great boss she was. If only someone could just tell me straight to my face that I made the right decision and that everything's going to turn out good.

Because of this change of job, I now have to move as well. Another change in my life. I don't necessarily have to move but the journey to and fro work is just horrendous. But the one thing that's holding me back is that, what if this doesn't work out? What if I do really badly at this and I need to find something else? I know that's like really thinking pessimistically but what if it really happens? I know that it won't happen if I don't allow it to happen but it's been a month and I'm still feeling awkward with what I'm doing. I suppose it could be that because in my last place, I knew everything at the tip of my fingers.

Oh gosh... this is so hard. I hate when I'm feeling so much doubt about myself. So, how do I know?

Thank God it's Friday!

Yay... it's friday!!! And just another few more hours before I can go home and enjoy two free days of fun and leisure!

The days just pass really fast. I'll be complaining that it's a Monday, and with a blink of an eye, it'd be Friday and I'll be shouting Yippee! Then, Saturday & Sunday will zip by and once again, it's Monday and I'll be grumpy. It's a never ending cycle.

Wearing my patience thin

Started my day by being nearly crushed by a bloody huge bus on my commute to work. Curse those bloody bus drivers who drive recklessly and don’t give a shit about the other drivers on the road just because they’re in a stupid, huge vehicle and won’t get hurt if they bang a car. Unfortunately there wasn’t a number at the back of the bus where you can call and complain if the driver was driving like a maniac. Bloody bus drivers. And bloody motorcyclists too. Damn irritating creatures who weave in and out of traffic, stay behind your car but in your blind zone, ride in the middle of the lane fucking slowly and blocking your car from overtaking them as they’re right in the middle! There should be a bloody law for all these irritating creatures on the road. These people are the ones causing the jams and accidents. If the damn motorcyclist doesn’t give a damn about his own life and expect other motorists to watch out for him, then why bother making bloody ads asking us to watch out for THEM? It’s their bloody life! If they don’t give a damn about it, then why should others? Fucking irritating pests of the roads! And why must people always slow down when there’s an accident? Why must they always want to look? Even if they DO want to look, they don’t have to bloody slow down! These people are causing even worse backlogs to happen! As if having an accident right in the middle of the road isn’t bad enough. There’s also a reason why the right lane is called the fast lane. If people want to be on the right lane, then fucking drive faster. Don’t go onto the right lane and then drive at fucking 50 km/ph!

I can’t take it anymore. Every morning AND evening, I face these things. It takes me a bloody one plus hour just to get to work and another hour more to get back. 2 hours of my life wasted, just like that. Not to mention the fuel consumption, the wear and tear of my car and the fact that the risk of my dying young is highly increased due to reckless driving of some people.

It’s time… really.

Ramblings of a stagnant mind

I’m really curious as to what’s been happening with Kiley. Yeah yeah, I know that we’re not supposed to be friends anymore (thanks to a whole load of paranoia and mistrust!) but it’s been so long I can’t help but wonder if things still have to be this way. The last I heard, they were going to get married by the end of this year. I don’t know why the thought suddenly popped into my head, but I guess sometimes, you think of the strangest things for no particular reason. I think he’s graduating this year as well. I think of my friendship with him, and how close we were (given the distance) even after we were no longer together, and how cool it was talking to him about guys and him talking to me about girls. We were more like brother and sister by then. And I find that totally cool since everyone used to say we looked alike J I still remember when he called all the way from Down Under when I was having problems with and how nice it for him to do that for me. I still wear the shirt he bought for me from Aussie. It’s a damn nice shirt, anyway. And I still remember him telling me about finding this girl he really liked who, coincidentally, was from my school and knew me as well (although I couldn’t’ really remember her at the time). And how happy I was for him when he told me that he really really liked her and she could be ‘The One’. And how great I thought it would be if we all went out when they came back to Penang for their holidays. But look how things turned out instead. Now I don’t even know where he is, what he’s doing and whether he’s still with her or not. Oh wait, since he’s still not in contact with me, I suppose they’re still together.

Don’t get me wrong, there are no romantic feelings involved here. It’s just the thought of losing a friend that’s bothering me. Well, not really bothering, but just creeps into my thoughts once in a while. I very much wanted him to meet Vijay as well. I think they would have gotten on very well since they’re both so crazy and passionate about football. It’s also hurtful to know that when I wrote to him about my dad, he didn’t even bother to reply. When everyone else was so supportive and helpful. 6 years of friendship (and more) just down the drain.

Is it weird when you’re still good friends with your ex? How much does it affect your relationship with your current partner? I mean, sure, it would be weird if your partner and his/her ex is really really close and still talk on the phone etc but what if they were just normal friends who correspond and meet once in a while? Putting myself in her shoes, I guess I would be a little jealous but I won’t cut off his friendship. That’s the last thing I would do. I’ve got a friend who’s in a similar position right now. Well, not really similar as her partner is really close (and I mean really close) with his ex. Apparently she’s his best friend. And they travel together and even share the same room. Now, that’s weird, right? She’s even got a boyfriend but he doesn’t mind it at all! I don’t know… maybe it’s just a girl thing. According to my boyfriend, it is. Just a girl thing. And you won’t see guys behaving like this. :p What a sexist thing to say. And you can’t imagine the arguments I’ve had with him regarding stuff like this. But then sometimes I DO think that it’s just a girl thing….

P.S. the above are just ramblings as I’m currently stuck on my project and not because I don’t have any work (as some of you may think).

Too little too late...

The past weekend was a journey through many ups and downs and self revelations. My emotional immaturity when it comes to this and stubborness and persistance in dogging someone, almost led to the downfall of something really important to me. And that's something I don't even want to go through again. When something big blows up in your face, that's when you realise that it's time to let go of pride. And what's the point of having pride if it means you might lose the most important thing in your life?

On another note, met up with the Voices gang on Friday. It was fun hanging out with them again. But felt really old and out of place with all the new kids. It was basically the alumni hanging out with each other and the new kids grouping in another corner. But a couple of bottles of red, some yummy birthday cake, good ole Maggi Mee ala Abang style for supper and great company just capped off my Friday. Let's drink to more Fridays hanging out together!

A little self-reflection

Someone once told me that I have the ability to take a step back and reflect on myself for what I've done. Anyway, upon returning home after watching the movie 'The Island' (see review at
I couldn't sleep. It was already 1 am by then and I had to get up at 6 am the next morning. And because of an arguement I had with him, I started thinking about myself. I looked at myself at an objective manner and suddenly saw all my whims and fancies and complains and whines being so insignificant and small and that I sometimes get over-emotional on issues and over-react to things, I just seemed so silly to myself. And I wonder why I do all these things. For example, when something happens, I over-react, get angry, upset etc. But after a while, I'll be fine and will be thinking to myself "Why the heck did I get so upset for?" I react to things without thinking. I really need to get ahold of myself and start working on a few things which bother me.

Here's a list of things I thought of which I should work on (at least for now).

Things I overindulge in:
1. Shopping / Spending money
2. Eating

Traits I should change:
1. Being too emotional
2. My over-reaction to small things
3. My impatience
4. My intolerance for people who are slow
5. Getting angry when things don't go the way I expected
6. Being too self-critical

Traits I should keep:
1. Can't think of any - hence point 6 above.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the wisdom to know the difference.

Nomad...

I'm beginning to feel like one of those desert people who don't stay in one place but constantly move around. Albeit I've only shifted once after 2 years in SK but I've been in my new place for only 3 months and now I most probably am going to shift again. The thought of packing and moving my stuff and then unpacking again is just dreadful. I am so dreading it. But I know I have to do it. For the sake of my car, my pocket and my patience. Even though it's been only 3 weeks since I have had to drive from Puchong to D'sara Heights, the one hour journey every morning is really tiresome. And it's eating a lot into my petrol not to mention car maintenance. Not only that, the distance is about 25 km. So I have to leave my house at 7:30 am to reach the office at 8:40 am. Terrible. And for now, I suppose it's still okay coz I'm not really working on anything as of yet. But imagine if you have to work till really late then drive 25 km home then wake up the next morning to spend one hour on the road to the office again. If only I had a chaffeur :) How easy my life would be. The thing about my place now is that we're really near each other. So it's really easy to meet during weekends and to decide at the last minute who's staying at who's place. Guess that's the only thing. Even though I've got a few more friends staying around that area, I hardly meet them anyway so they don't count. Guess I'll have to start listing down pros and cons again and decide from there. But then, deep down inside I know what is it that I have to do. Bleh...

Although I've sort of like been having normal working hours for a few months now, working in KPMG really made me feel it. Even though I was 9-6 previously, I was still in Cyberjaya. And there was always no traffic jams to Cyberjaya. Besides, I had pretty flexible hours there and usually reached work at around 10-10.30. Now, it's a whole new story. I still don' t have a punch card but everyone gets to the office at around 8.45-9.15. So I try to be there by 8.45 considering I'm new and don't go home fairly late. The timing isn't what makes me feel the normalcy. It's the route that I HAVE to take to get to the office. Can you believe that it takes me an hour just to get from my house to the office? Crazy isn't it? Without the jam, I can probably make it in 20-30 minutes. But because everyone else is also on their way to work, the roads are just so jammed up and I'll be crawling like a snail on the road. For example, I spent 30 -40 minutes just to get past the Sunway toll. It's madness! So now I finally know how morning traffic feels like. :( Not that I was very curious before. My journey home, however, will take me only about 30-40 minutes. That's because (my assumption) not everyone leaves work at the same time. Some may leave at 4 (re: civil servants), 5, 5.30, 6 etc. Staggered. And it makes so much of a difference! Furthermore, I take the Federal Highway back home which usually has the worst jams. And by the time I get home, it's usually only around 7. Not bad eh? So I even have time to make myself dinner (yes, I can cook).

Even though I've got normal working hours (which everyone craves for?) it feels really weird. Not to mention boring. All my other friends (ex-colleagues) have the odd hours which I used to work. So by the time my day is over, it'd only be halfway through for them. Everytime I get back from lunch, I always look at the clock and think "Wow, my day is half done and they haven't even started theirs yet!" It's really a drag. Especially when your other half is working those hours. By the time he gets back from work, I'll be sleeping soundly. When I get up, HE'LL be sleeping soundly or just about ready to go to bed. When I finish work, he'll still be at work for another 6 hours. Can't even talk on the phone. So the only communication I have with him are text messages and when I see him on weekends. Sucks. Plus, when we've already planned that he will take leave so that we can have an extra day together and for him to back out as some last minute presentation is shoved to him by his mean boss really doesn't help things. Not at all.

On a totally seperate note, I want the new Harry Potter book! I know I should have booked it a long time ago but I just kept putting it off and now I know I most definitely won't get it tomorrow as it will be sold out. Dammit! Trying to bid for it on e-bay but something's wrong with the server and can't process my bid. Have been trying all morning!!! If someone I know out there will get the book tomorrow, may I borrow it after you're done reading it?

Freezing cold!

The bloody office is extremely cold. I'll be wearing a 3-piece suit and still feel cold. And not just cold... but so cold, your fingers just go numb and you can hardly type and write anything. So cold, your toes become so stiff they can't bend. So cold, your nose feels like it's going to drop off. Get the picture? Plus the fact that I'm wearing a skirt doesn't help things at all. I really should start getting stockings. I have to dress like a professional but how come my pay isn't enough to make me look like one? Ish...

On another note, was just reading Sze's blog and she wrote about all the stuff Voices has done together. And man, did reading that bring back a truckload of memories. And it did bring back that feeling of nostalgia that hits once in a while. Sze mentioned about our Gabai experience when a tree fell on 4 cars (mine included) and missed Sylvia's. According to Syl, it was divine intervention, which I seem to believe is true. =) I remember driving around in my car that looks like it got beat up really badly, and even after I had the dents knocked out, I didn't have enough moolah to get it resprayed, so drove around for even longer with patches of orange everywhere! But time has passed... I don't even have that car anymore. And there is no way I am going to drive to Gabai in my present car. Just in case. I mean... call me paranoid and that lightning never strikes the same place twice... but better to be safe than sorry!

Went to Sunway Pyramid last night and had a really great dinner. Prawns were yummy, fish had just the right flakiness and the calamari was juicy. Yum yum.. just thinking about it is making me drool... and there's another 2 plus hours before lunch! And lunch here is pretty expensive. The cheapest thing I've eaten so far cost me about RM3.50.

In terms of costing, I definitely took a step back. I'm paying more for stuff now than I would have if I didn't accept this job. Not only do I have to pay for parking here, but I also have to shop for a whole new wardrobe (which I haven't done) as the company requires their female employees to be dressed in skirts. And since I am in the consulting line, I would have to get more than one suit. And that would cost me. Besides that, I also lose out on time. I spend much more time on the road than I would have if travelling to Cyberjaya. But... I would have been stupid to turn down an offer from here and stayed on there. Won't go into the whole job prospect thingy but in the long run, I suppose I would be benefit from being here. Wasn't very happy to hear that bonus and stuff ain't that good, though. Oh well, money isn't everything, rite? At least that's what I try to tell myself whenever I feel regret creeping in. The problem is that although advisory IS a part of the firm but the bulk of it's ppl are in accounting. So a lot of policies are made because of issues in audit & tax. And we, in advisory, have to bear the brunt of it. For example, we don't get overtime allowance. And we are also sometimes required to work on public holidays depending on project deadlines, without getting paid. Also, our organisation structure is rather flat so it's harder to get promoted as there is very little hierarchy. Oh well. This is only my 2nd week. We'll see how things go. At least I'll be able to have consulting in my resume. Carries some weight, rite?

Feeling a bit sleepy now... going to read some news.

On the job...

First week in my new company has passed. What can I say? Nothing much yet, basically. Haven't really started on anything as of yet. Have been put on a project, but it's an existing one and already half done. So it's more of me trying to catch up and comprehend what's going on and what's been done. Exciting part about it is, I might have the chance to travel to the Middle East. How cool is that! Now, it's just a lot of reading up on stuff so that I don't look stupid.
As for my new colleagues, well, they seem to a really nice bunch who's pretty helpful in getting me started and kicking. But then again... too soon to tell. And most of them aren't around either as they're on a project site. But we went out for dinner last Friday (courtesy of the big boss) and it was quite fun. Chatted, had dinner then drinks. Had to go through some initiation drink which was basically a lemon drop (a shot of vodka with lemon and sugar on the side). Big Boss's favourite drink is vodka, so the rest of us basically has no say in what to order. And it's been made pretty clear that I will HAVE to like vodka since that's the only drink we'll take when we go out. Got myself pretty high too.. but of course, didn't do / say anything stupid. Acted really sober in front of all of them until I got to my car and just went "Whoa!" Went home, fell asleep and just waited for my weekend to start with my Sayang.

On another note, my weekend was fantastic. Probably coz it's been 2 weeks since I last saw my Sayang but it really was great. Met him on Saturday morning at 4 am. By then, I was already half asleep since I came back all high anyway. Wished him happy birthday then stayed up and 'talked' till about 5 am when both of us got really hungry. Too lazy to go out to get something, so he decided to cook for me his 'special' scrambled eggs. So ventured out into the kitchen and started scrambling some eggs. Had a bit of toast with it and a cup of chicken & mushroom soup. To me, that was just lovely and fun. After that, we both got really sleepy and so we slept and only woke up at about 4 pm. In between, there were loads of calls and SMS' for him from ppl wishing him happy birthday. Anyway, woke up, got dressed and went out for a bit of good ole rice and mutton curry =) Wasn't long before we had to go out again, as he made plans with his friends to meet for some wine in Bangsar (pretentious, ain't he?) The wine place was pretty alrite. The ambience was good and the wine affordable. Of coz, my Sayang being the itchified person he is, we next went to Waikiki for some Jack Daniels and Tequila shots. Waikiki being the chose place, coz well, it was the place where we first started talking to each other =) Both of us got pretty smashed but managed to get home safely (Thank God) and slept really soundly after a bit of more 'talking'. Sunday was jsut really lazy with the both of us waking up at 4 pm again and just watching old episodes of Friends till we got hungry at about 6 and went to Nirwana Maju for dinner. Bought 2 Dvds at Bangsar - Schindler's List and Coach Carter. Watched both when we went back home but I fell asleep after about 3/4 of Schindler's List. After all, I had to wake up at 6 am the next morning!

All in all, the weekend was a blast. Let's hope for more weekends filled with fun, laughter and love!

Just breathe...

As my last day in my current approaches, butterflies have suddenly popped up in my stomach. Not a whole lot, but every now and then, when I think about it, there's this queasy feeling and I feel like throwing up. I mean, I'm excited about my new job and I know it will definitely bring me places and that I will gain a whole truckload of experience but.... This place here now was my very first job. And I've made lots of friends, learnt shitloads about office politics etc. I am so in my comfort zone. Everyone knows me. Even senior management would stop and say hi when they see me. And I know I definitely won't get that kind of treatment anymore in my new place. My current boss is just terrific. She's supportive, encouraging, fun, cool. My new colleagues in the team are great too. They're a bunch of wacky people who think the world of me coz I know everything that needs to be known about this department and my boss and I get things done quickly and efficiently. And I'm not afraid to voice out my opinion. I'm like the reigning queen in my department. And I know they will definitely miss me. =) The person replacing me just ain't the same, according to them. Even my boss thinks so. So all these mixed feelings about leaving and shit are really messing up my mind. When I tendered my letter, July 1st just seemed so far away. I mean 2 months! And now June is almost gone and I'll be leaving this place in a week's time. The thought of not leaving has actually played around in my head but I know I'll be stupid not to go. Even though I know I will most probably suffer and be working like a dog there, what I'll have in my resume will be impressive. I hope. Every decision shapes your future. And deep down, I know I've made the right decision. I need to be challenged. I need a job where I'll be on my toes and everyday will present me with something new. And I'm just not feeling that drive and push in my current position. Yeah, my boss is championing a lot of projects but they're not mine. I'm not a part of it. At the end of the day, I'm still a Personal Assistant. My priorities will always be to manage my boss first. Hence my last day is 1st July. And so, everytime I feel scared and nauseous, I just take a deep breath and tell myself that it's all for the better.

The things people say and do when they're drunk is not funny. When you're under the influence of alcohol, everything just gets blown out of proportion and a simple statement can send someone flying to the roof with anger. And it's not a good thing when 2 people who already pissed off and irritated with other things, turn on each other. First hand experience, last Saturday. I was pissed off, frustrated and when he did something which under normal circumstances would not even have got my attention, I just blew up. And he blew up at me as well. We exchanged certain words which we shouldn't have. We said things we didn't mean. But thank goodness everything's alrite and we apologised and we're back to where we were. And i now realise that i really......

I'm going to miss my job....

Nostalgia...

No boss today! Out sick. So here I was, strolling into the office (actually I was hurrying as I thought I was late) when my cell phone rang and it was my boss informing that she will not be in today and even tomorrow. So for the first half of the day, I finished up everything that was pending and after that... boredom! Nothing to do! Been surfing the net all day when I decided to go into the mmuaustrals2003 group thingy and started reading all the old mails. And whoa... talk about feeling nostalgic!

Suddenly all the feelings of anxiety, excitement, irritation, anger all just came back. I remember how stressful it was at that time. Committee members wanting to jump at each other's throats. The work and effort and time we all put in. The endless emails going back and forth especially when deciding on the hotel. I remember calling Farrah from the meeting to ask her if she would like to fill in the convenor position. The endless arguements about how much we should spend and save on the money that we get. The many many arguements about socials (no, I am NOT going to talk about our dear director). The feelings of suspicion and paranoia that we might be cheated. How Farrah and I had to take 'leave' to attend our Australs functions. And finally when the whole event was going on, how our runners were not 'running' and most of the ex-comm had to do everything by themselves. How we wanted to an australs - matrix style intro which never worked out but was really fun talking about it (how come I got a lame part like the keymaker? He dies so fast in the movie!). Reading more of those mails and URGH... getting invoices and receipts from a particular someone was so difficult... wouldn't that give you reason to suspect that something's up? Anyway, the organization of Australs was great. Put a lot of things in perspective. When you're working in a team, everyone has GOT to pull their weight. And if they don't, the team needs to have the guts to say 'You're fired' as Donald Trump in Apprentice would say. And just because someone is a smooth talker, things that he says doesn't necessarily will get done. It's a lot like being in this company. You need to have the guts to tell someone that they're doing something wrong or they're not performing. Rather than letting it slide and trying to cover up.

I do sometimes miss the old debate days. Going for training, getting scolded by Prabs, finding excuses not to for training coz we didn't want to shouted at by Prabs, supper sessions after training, the tournaments, the feelings of anger and injustice towards adjudicators and debaters alike, the emotional ups and downs of everyone in the team, the songs that we sing, the re-enactment of movie scenes, the silly games we played etc. Everything was just great. One big happy family with its moments of drama here and there. The thing I miss most was the great conversations we had. It may be about something mundane but the wit is always there. And because everyone around was so witty, you gotta be on your toes to come back with a retort or add something to your sentence to make it sound funny and charming. I feel like my brain matter has been reduced ever since I left Voices. The conversations that I have with other people just ain't the same. You dont' have to be witty. You don't have to sound really smart. Most of the time, you're the smartest person within that group anyway and your normal words will be enough.

That's why I think it's good for me to join the consulting world. At least it'd force me to be on my toes and to keep my wit sharp. After all, I'd have to talk to people and have to sound really smart :) Also, I will be subscribing to some kind of magazine. Most probably Time. Economist is much better with the data and information but it just looks so boring! At least i know i'll read Time. I've also started reading stuff online. I want to get back into the mode i was in during debate days!

Sigh... sometimes being in the corporate world can render oneself stupid...

Tortured hearts and souls. That seems to be the theme over the past weekend. Jilted lovers who can't get over their love. Blogging about their pain to the world. Watching a movie about relationships, emotions and needs. Sigh... so who said love is enough to keep us alive? What about the possibility of falling OUT of love? If you can fall IN, you can always climb back out. And like I've once quoted on a previous post from a movie:

If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking.

Chatting about that movie with someone who relates to it was so enlightening. Prior to that, I've only watched it with V who can be as shallow as a teaspoon at times. And he didnt' like the movie. I found it so profound and he didn't feel a thing. Differences in opinions...

Sometimes I miss having argumental conversations about stuff debates are about. Politics, environment, culture etc. I mean, the end of my university life revolved so much around debates. You're surrounded by smart people (some of them, anyway) and the conversations that go on force you into a situation where you HAVE to read and keep up. If not, you just end up sounding really stupid AND feeling stupid. I miss having someone to 'debate' with or at least bounce off ideas and arguments and rebutting one's opinions. Like I said before, teaspoon. Okay okay... not so bad. I'm just being biased and judgemental. We DO talk about stuff. And when we talk about these kind of things, we end up fighting. Our opinions are just so different. And work just takes up so much time. Stuff we talk about revolves around work so much. It's annoying at times. I think 80% of our conversation is about work issues or people at work. The other 20% would be about AOB - any other business. I don't know how this change in jobs will affect us. As it is, now that we're on different timing but still in the same company, there's kind of a strain on our relationship. We don't have time to see each other except on weekends. And we need weekends to see our friends too. So what now? I think it's been about 2 weeks since I last spent time with him. Some people might not think that's a long period of time but hey, when you're working in the same company and living in the same vincinity, that's long.

Imagination & fantasies...

Was at work till really late last night. If you ask me what I was doing, I really can't tell you. I just found out some feedback on me and being professional last night and I'm really annoyed. Not at the person who gave the feedback but at the person whom caused this whole thing in the first place. SHE was the one who started to talk to me about the issue and yes, I should brought her outside but it just didn't cross my mind. And she was happily talking about it and asking me questions. Damn. I feel so irritated! Anyway, nothing I can do... just take it in good stride and learn from it.

On another note, as I was in the office late, my mind just started wandering and I wasn't really concentrating on my work. Was just thinking of my move to another company, how it would be like, will I move up the corporate ladder there etc. Being in the consulting world, I suppose, would give me a better chance of moving up. And having that company in my resume would DEFINITELY help. At least according to a lot of people I've spoken to. So anyway, as usual, I started to think of how things might be in the future... and this is the picture that came to mind:

I'm decked out in a top notch suit, with a laptop bag strung across one shoulder, a trendy handphone in one hand, fashionable glasses perched atop my head, sipping latte at a hip sidewalk cafe and organising my meetings on my Personal Digital Assistant.

How's that for a great mental picture of how I'd like to be? Let's hope things work out and that picture will no longer just be in my head! I'm such a typical yuppie. I DO want the latest handphone model. I DO want a cool laptop. I DO want an iPod mini. I DO want trendy clothes and high class power suits and shoes. I DO want to drive a nice car. I DO want to live in a nice house or posh condo where you need to register the names of your visitors before the guards will let them in. On top of that, I want my close friends around me. I want my darling to be there next to me. I want my family to be proud of me.

Think I can have all of the above? Why not work for it?

P. S. I really do want an iPod mini. Was surfing the net last night and it's so cool!!! Anyone care to donate about RM 999 to me and my iPod cause?

Just when I thought everything was fine and dandy and I'm going to be a PA for a while. Looks like things can change with just one phone call. And that call came last week, on a Friday. Totally unexpected. Totally off my radar screen. Now... time for change again. From one company with 4 letters to another with 4 letters as well.
Thank goodness my boss is so supportive. She was the one who helped me make my decision. Imagine going to your new boss and telling her that you've been offered another job. And imagine your boss helping you sketch out your goals and what you want to achieve. Clearer career path to achieve my goals. That's where I'm headed for.
Everyone is going to be so shocked. Apparently I set the record. The fastest to leave after promotion :) Got to leave in good terms though. And that's where my boss is going to help me too. Design an exit strategy where I will be on good terms with everyone and so that I can always say I've got contacts here. Got to build my network too! After all, that's what consulting is about. How many people you know and can influence. And how fat my address book is.
Anyway, if I don't like it, I can always turn to becoming a PA since I've got the experience :)

Sleepy...

It's Friday morning... the weather is just so perfect for sleeping. It's been drizzly, cloudy and I can just imagine myself under the blanket snoozing away. Either that or reading a book then snoozing away. But no.... where am i? At work. And I'm just too lazy to start off anything yet. Waiting for my boss to go to a meeting at 11 am so that I can eat my breakfast and read a magazine or something. Talk about loafing off!!!

Well, I've shifted into my new place. The place is really nice. The whole apartment block has a very cosy homey feeling to it coz it's very green. And it's next to a hill with monkeys! Can you believe it... monkeys in the middle of a towney area! Housemates are pretty cool too. But my room is still in such a mess!!! Haven't got a cupboard yet... so my clothes are still in bags. Don't know where to put my dvds... got too much of them. Don't know where to put my books... got a fair amount of them. But at least half of my room looks decent. The half where i've set up my computer and bed. Oh well, going to IKEA this evening (if i can get off early) to get my cupboard and whatever else i think is necessary (and since we're talking about me, i might end up buying the whole store!).

Another thing i'm looking forward to is hearing from KPMG. Not going to say much about it yet but let's just hope and pray that i'm accepted. And that what they will offer me is substantial enough for me to accept. We'll see...

My god-son is one month old!!! And when i go back next weekend he's going to be one and half months old. Cool. Time flies doens't it? Just felt like it was last week when my friend texted me to tell me that she's in labour.

On another note, Tubs and Annie are flying high on their trip. I'm so envious. I could have been there with them now. But then so many things happened prior to this trip that I just couldn't drop everything and went off. I put a curse on committments. Especially job committments. How nice if I could just drop everything and disappear for a whole month. A whole month of travelling and relaxing and eating. Mmmm... sounds really good.

I need a vacation!!! I know i just got back from one about a month ago but i need another one now!!! Nothing fancy.. maybe just a weekend getaway with a few friends... maybe a steamboat dinner somewhere cooling... Ish... Somebody plan something please!!! I would plan something if I had time and if I were the type to plan something.

Whoops, boss's visitor is just about to leave. Time to end this post. I think I've done enough whining anyway... Back to work... feeling really drowsy... and my nose is running / blocked. What a week.

The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice

The Blower's Daughter
- Damien Rice

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is (he has)
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off (-?) you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off (-?) you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is (he has)
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is (he has)
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off (-?) you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off (-?) you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to(?)
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off (-?) you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off (-?) you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

I just watched the movie 'Closer'. And Patrick Marber is so accurate in the telling of love. And Mike Nichols made it so real. The story tells of how a person will alwasy be searching for someone better even they're already with someone at that particular time. And what Natalie Portman's character said is so true. There's always a moment before you decide to fall in love. Either you resist it or you fall into it. There's always a choice. People are always not happy even though they've already found someone. There's always the search for someone better. And how the person you love can make you love him so much and need him so much and at the end, he finds someone and falls in love with her because she doesn't need him. And they don't see the irony of the whole thing. And how people can't generally be happy with what they have. Or they feel they don't deserve to be happy. Coz then if they are, then can't be depressed since we are all basically depressive. And so if they find themselves in a state where they're happy, they'll immediately set out to find a situation where they can be unhappy again as they feel they don't deserve that happiness. And how the person that you love can be lying to you and you will never find out unless by some chance coincidence. That they can be with you for years and years but never reveal their true self. And how perverse we can be by torturing ourselves just to hear the sad gory details. And how the truth always hurts and yet we insist on it.

And still we search for it. We yearn for it. We pine for it. We long for it. Even though we know that when we eventually find it, we'd still keep on looking.

- If you believe in love at first sight, then you'll never stop looking. -

My Lil god-son

I never liked new born babies. NOt until last week when I went to visit my close friend's son. Naturally we've been made the god-mothers who will spoil the boy silly. Holding the 2 week old boy just felt so right. Felt so natural in my arms.
But that doesn't mean that I'm ready to have one of my own just yet!



Maternal instincts at work.



Who could resist a face like that?



Isn't he just adorable?

In my office...

Woo Hoo... I'm blogging from my office! What a thrill... I know, I know... sound like some 'jakun' but hey, never had this kind of privilage before!

Anyway, second day on the job. Boss ain't here yet. Met her son, Miles last night. Cute kid. Very hyper. Feeling a bit bored coz there's no one here!!! I'm the only one on the whole damn floor!!! And my office feels like an aquarium. There's this glass wall so everyone can look inside and vice versa and since i'm currently the only one in here, I feel like a goldfish.

I'm bored... Hmm... i wonder if i can 'curi-curi' install Yahoo or MSN messenger. Oh yeah, we can't access our private email accounts from here. Previously it was allowed but then the server kept getting attacked by viruses (thanks to some ppl who simply opened files from unknown ppl) so now that privilage has been taken away. Ish. Came onboard just a little too late.

Let's see what time my boss will come in. Got some filing to do for her. She's almost as messy as I am!!! And I have to clean up and organise stuff for her when I can't even organise myself :) How ironic.

Hele signing off... from my 'aquarium' :)

P.A.?

I am so excited. I start my new position on Monday and I will be working from 9 am to 6 pm! No more vampire hours!!! And i am going to be someone's Personal Assistant. Imagine... I will be managing someone's life!

My new boss is this really cool lady from the States. She has really high expectations from me and I hope i can live up to them. And guess what her name is? It's Halina. So can you just imagine the confusion we'll cause? Everyone who calls will be so confused :)

Anyway, I start on Monday... hope all goes well!!!

Finally...

I got offered a job. Not much of a salary jump but still more than what i'm getting now. And at least i'll be learning new things and actually be doing something related to my degree. And if all goes well, could even turn to be a chartered accountant. We'll see....

Eh?

That's exactly how i feel like right now. I'm not sure what the heck is going on around me. These past few days have been like a blur to me. CAN'T WAIT TO GO LANGKAWI ON SATURDAY!!!

How does it feel like to be hit on by your boss? Well, i know the feelign now! Terribly terribly embarassing since it was done in front of a whole bunch of ppl. Ish...

LANGKAWI... HERE I COME!!!

I was just reading through my past blogs and realised how totally unconnected they are. They're really more like one-page entries of how i felt when i wrote what i wrote. And that is just so like me. Impulsive and emotional. Happy one day, then down the next. Anyone who would have read my blog would probably this girl is some sort of a psycho! Got to learn to take control of my emotions. I'm 23 going on 24 and i still act like a spoiled child sometimes.

Christmas has come and gone. He got me a gift. :) He was so clumsy about the whole thing, it was just hilarious. And sweet. Naturally i also got him something. Which left a gaping hole in my pocket. And guess what? I lost my phone. So now i'm handphone-less. Never realised how much i depended on my phone on so many things. Feel so lost and disconnected right now. There goes another hole burnt in the pocket. Think i left the phone in my VP's house but then again, if it was there, someone would have found it by now. But i seriously can't imagine anyone taking the phone. Not as if it was some hi-tech state of the art phone. Oh well... just one of those things you never can tell.

End of the year is coming. And i'll be ushering in the New Year in the office. Whoopee-Doo.

I want progression. I want change. Let's hope the new year brings all that.

Happy new year.

Tired

I'm tired of all this.
I've cried so much over the past two days, it's enough to fill a dam.
I've got so much heartache over the past two days, it's amazing my heart is still beating.
I just can't do this.
I just can't.
What do i do now?

I think i need a break from all this.
I think i need a break from him.

Hmm... been a pretty long time since i last blogged. Few things have changed. Went home last weekend and was really glad to see improvement in my dad's condition. He's gone back to work. Which is a really good sign. And he's got more movement in his legs. Let's just pray and hope that things continue improving.
I've got a new car now. And the payments are killing me. Sigh... circumstances called for me to have it. Let's hope i get a real big break in my career pretty soon.

Been reading bout Worlds and i miss the tourneys so much. The thrill of being in a tournament. The energy level of the whole thing. How adrenaline just pumps thru everyone and everyone's hyper and happy. Sigh... and i miss all the planning and hard work we put in for australs even though it was grueling. Reading the worlds website and the venues make me wish i was a part of it. Oh well... writing about how much i miss it all aint' gonna change a god damn thing. Anyway, i've 2 more days of leave... so will probably crash some socials :)

Wanna meet up with the sistas this sat for the Star Wars thingy but unfortunately got a friend's b'day party which i can't miss. Ish.

Sigh...

Even though it's been months since he told me that we can't be friends anymore, it still hurts. Especially now. I emailed him about my dad coz i thought 'Well, he WAS pretty chummy with my dad when we were together'. And it hurts to not even get a reply from him. Am i really such a threat to his girlfriend that he can't even reply my email about my dad? And am i STILL a so called threat to their relationship? I guess i expected a reply from him considering how serious my dad's condition is. But nothing. Not even a single message. Jeebers! I mean, c'mon... grow up! Plus... i was just browsing through my Friendster and i realised that this girl who was my junior in school and who previously was in my list, is suddenly gone. And i remember that this girl and his girlfriend are good buddies. Ish. The more i think and rant about, the more irritated and cheesed off i get. And hurt too.

Things at home are okay i guess. Dad's coming home this saturday. At least i'll still be around. Can help out, you know. Sigh... a lot of adjustments will have to be made.

Tick Tock...

Why does time sometimes move so slowly and sometimes just zooms past you? Time time... doesn't everyone want more of that?

Well, I've been back home for nearly a week now. And my dad's been in the hospital for more than a week. At least i can breathe a sigh of relief and say that his health is okay. Except for the fact that he's paralysed from the waist down. Ie he can't use both his legs. But he IS slowly regaining his strength back. But the chances of him being able to stand and walk again are slim short of a miracle. And believe me, we're all praying for that miracle. And my sis and brother in law's presence is also very reassuring.

I just wanna say thanks to all my friends and colleagues who have been very supportive to have called or texted me. Thank you very much for all your prayers.

I'm back home. And things don't look good. Lord, please help us in this time of need.

Thank God...

Spoke to my dad this morning. Apparently he's alrite. I mean, he WILL be able to walk again. But just depends on how he recovers and how severe the tissue damage is. So even if it's severe, he'll still be able to walk but not with the same speed as before. But the important things is that he CAN walk. Thank God. Thank you so much.

Thinking whether to go home or not. Mum says no need coz i'll be going home next week anyway. But we'll see.

Praying...

Suddenly all my problems seem so trivial. Mum just informed me that Dad is in the hospital. He fell off the roof in our backyard at about 6 pm today and one of his legs is now 50% paralysed coz he landed on his butt and jerked a nerve or something like that. My first thought was 'What is a 54 year old man doing on the roof?' But then... it's my dad we're talking about. The man who would insist to fix everything in the house instead of calling the experts. And now, look what happened. The doctors said he will heal but it'd take bout 6 months plus physio and all that. Might either have to go through an op which will take faster to heal or wear something around the leg but will take longer. The good things is, he will be able to walk.

Will call him tomorrow so that i'll know more.

I know i haven't prayed in a really long while. But Lord, please help my Dad.

3.02 am on a Saturday morning

It's 3.02 am and i'm sitting here alone in my room. Sayang has gone back to Muar and am waiting for his call to let me know that he's reached home safely. When issit my turn to go back home? Another 2 weeks perhaps? Feeling a bit lonely and down now. So used to coming back to him every night so this weekend without him will be a bit long and stretched. At least i've got the badminton cup to look forward to. Imagine, me sitting on the high chair and umpire-ing a badminton game. Hehehe... Will be playing badminton again tomorrow. Beginning to enjoy the game. Should make it a weekly thing. Next step would be to convince everyone to join in. Gotta find kaki to play with.

This whole week has just been a whirr for me. It passed just like that. Been going to work early and leaving really late. Don't know if i'm really committed to my job or am i just crazy. It's not easy leading a team of 15 people. Gotta deal with each and everyone's attitudes and emotions. And it's not easy telling someone that she's gotta take a day of unpaid leave coz she's got no MC. And it's not easy telling the team that they have to come in early and that they're not paid for working overtime. Overall, it's not easy... but i'm definitely up for it. Yup yup yup.

It's now 3:11. What to do? Can't call anybody to yam cha with me at this ungodly hour. Too late to call the ppl at work. Should have done that earlier. Still too early to sleep. Who else is left? Oh God!!! This post is so bloody sad. Just one of those bouts where loneliness and depression hits you and won't go away till you're with the person you love. Gawd... desperately need a hug from him right now!!! Where's the substitute sayang? Looks like i'll just have to settle for my bolster and two bears. Funny things is, those two bears were from past sayangs. Hehehe... how ironic.

Sigh... what else is there to post? Wanna meet my sistas... been real long since i last saw them. And tubs. And bots. And the rest of the gang. Do give me a call if anything's up. Miss all of them loads.

Okay.. gonna watch Trainspotting now. Gawd... don't i sound sad?

What an eventful week. So many things happened which made me reflect upon myself. And guess what i found? I'm very much influenced by what people think. And that's gonna stop from now. I have to think and make decisions for myself and myself only. Of course, taking into consideration how my decisions may affect the ppl around me but the main thing is, i've gotta stop making decisions based on what ppl may or may not think. Secondly, i don't really think things through before making a decision. I sometimes rush into things. That's gonna stop too. Time to give myself the time to think over things thoroughly before makin a decision as well. Hate making life changing decisions. But then again, life's all about choosing. I've just got to be wiser in deciding things. No more mummy to hold onto my hand, leading me. I know it might be a bit late to finally realise it. I've always known that i've gotta do these things but i guess sometimes it just appears out of nowhere and smacks you in the head. And i've got a great big bruise in the middle of my forehead right now.

Played badminton yesterday. And now my limbs are aching terribly. This is what lack of exercise does to you.

Weekend here and gone

Well well... the weekend has come and gone again. Time just zooms by doesn't it.? Anyway, looks like yours truly is going to be a banker. I start work in a bank effective 1st November. And i will be tendering my resignation tomorrow. :) It's scary thinkgin about starting a new job and getting to know everyone again. But that had to happen sometime sooner or later. As if i would be working in HSBC for my entire life. Hmmm.... me... a banker... sound good?

Company annual dinner last night. As usual got high and happy since there was some sort of free flow of beer. Actually everyone is supposed to get one coupon which entitles you for one mug only. But since i've got contacts, hehehe.. i obviously got more than one. The person in charge of the coupons is close to vijay and so we got like damn lots of coupons. Think i drank like 5-6 mugs of beer. Super high. Talking to cock to everyone. Even ppl i never spoke to in office :) Also, imagine i was dancing in a saree! Gotta be high to do that right? Just hope that no one teases me in the office. Was doing some massive dancing with vijay. What the heck anyway... all in good fun rite?

Highlight of the night: Everyone said i looked damn chun :) So here's 2 photos for you guys to judge. Unfortunately the photos were taken after drinking 3 mugs and me being me... has turned all red.


Sayang and me...



Sayang and me... again :)

Change

Looks like it's time for a change. Although i'm feeling scared and all... i know it's for the better. At least in the long run. Definitely better. At least i'll be able to branch out from there. Plus i'll be learning useful stuff. Hope all goes well by next week. Just a question that's running in my mind. How long does grass stay in the system? Just read online that it stays only a few days. But what is a few days? Is a week enough for it to no longer be in the body? Bloody fuck. Shouldn't have smoked up last week.

Leaning towards getting a Vios. Although he doesn't really like the car but his mum prefers him to get the toyota compared to a waja. Hehehe... like the saying goes 'What's his is mine'.

Annual dinner coming up next week. Looks like i'll just 'recycle' the dress i wore during worlds in SA. After all, i only wore it once and it wasn't even in this country! Let's just hope i can still fit into it!

RHB bank?

Oh dear... a dilemma has popped up this morning. To go or not to go? I'll find out more. Gotta do some research now.

'Love means never having to say you're sorry'

Heard the above line from somewhere. Can't remember where. And i say bullshit. Just because you love that person doesn't mean you don't have to apologize for the wrong things that you do. Anyway, just bear with me. Just ranting.

Watched How to lose a guy in 10 days with him last night. And he had the cheek to say that i was like Andie Anderson. Bullshit! Anyway, was having fun watching him struggling through movie. His face was like 'What the fuck?' everytime she did something psycho. Farnee lar...

Ooh.. he might be buying a new car soon. Might be getting a Vios. Hehehe... his car means my car too, right?

Grass and thanni

Another 27th Aug has passed... and i'm a year older. Don't mind the age, but what bothers me is that i'm still not advancing. I'm still holding on to the same rock. Sigh... oh well...

My colleagues celebrated my b'day in the office. Got a cake and a home made card. Was supposed to go to Kuantan during that long weekend but it didn't happen coz i got into an arguement with sayang before my b'day and he wanted to make it up to me by spending the whole weekend with me and me only. Sweet of him.

Anyway, it's the end of another weekend and i've got bloody work tomorrow.

Celebrated Chanru's b'day last night. Had a massive dinner at this chinese restaurant. Food was extremely good. Then of coz being typical indian (no offense meant) the next agenda was drinking. There were only four girls (me included) and since the boring guys were watching boring football we decided to entertain ourselves by playing a drinking game. Shit. I've never seen a bottle of Absolut finish so quickly by four girls. I think we finished the whole bottle in an hour. So you can just imagine how high all of us were.

One word of advice. Never ever smoke up once you've had alcohol. The feeling is just crap. And i mean it. Crap with a capital C.

Gotta say thanks to all those who took care of me especially my sayang. Thanks for your devotion, attention and tender touch. Thanks for being such a good friend too. I'm sure Susan appreciates it. What you said last night before we slept made me feel very very loved. Well babe, the feeling's mutual.

Bad thing i did for the week: Fed a 3 month old dog vodka.

Sick sick...

Home sick today. Damn bored. Anyone wanna come teman me?

He's back!!! And the world suddenly seems so much brighter and better. :) I know, i know.. sounding real mushy and all but... (grins shyly).

Throughout the whole week, i was just thinking how to celebrate his return... being the hopeless romantic that i am (although i pretend to be macho), i was actually thinking it was going to be real romantic. As in, we'd both fly into each others' arms and hug and make sweet promises not to be apart again. But what REALLY happened was... I went out with Farr and P the whole day and he was with his uncle and cousin. We didn't even see each other until bout 12 am. And when we finally met, there were too many people around and i was feeling extremely shy. Too shy to even go hug him. Gotta give him credit though. He came to hug me first. :) Sweet of him coz i know he's like real shy when it comes to PDA. After that, we hung out with his friends. How romantic and private is that?!? But he was really sweet throughout the night. Paid attention to me; touched me whenever he could etc. Even when we finally came back home, all we wanted to do was cuddle and talk. :)

I really did miss him. Missed complaining to him; missed whining to him; missed bitching bout work to him; missed irritating him; missed him irritating me; missed him calling me 'mata sepek', babi, chipmunk, puppy; missed him telling me that i'm 'ugly'. And a whole lot of other things which i'm too lazy to document.

However, now that he's back, it's like he never left. Everything just fell back into place and is like how it was before. Our lives have centered around each other so much... being apart is weird. Scary. But nice at the same time. Scary because it makes me so much more open to hurt and shit. Nice because we're together.

On another note, was reading a friend's blog and she was blogging bout how her dude is falling back in the romance department. Like how during the start of their relationship, he would leave little notes for her etc. And now after half a year of being together, those small things that signify thought and care have just stopped. :) Typical isn't it? Not only for the guy but for the girl as well. All it takes is effort and of course thought. Just a simple message/note telling the person you care. Gotta remind myself to make that extra effort. But sometimes, you just feel that it's so useless coz you're never gonna get the same treatment back. But does that mean you shoulnd't do it then? I'm thinking back bout my past relationships and it's true that when you're so comfortable with each other, you just forget bout making things special. Going out is a norm. You take each other for granted. Sigh... Gotta admit, i'm guilty on those points.

Thanks a lot to ma sistas for the seafood dinner treat! I am extremely full now and feeling like a stuffed pig. Just gotta curl up now and hibernate like a python during winter.

Have an interview tomorrow morning. Or should i say in about 9 hours time. Hope all goes well!

'This too shall pass' - taken from Annie's blog.

Yes, i sincerely hope this shit i'm facing now will pass... and i hope it passes real quick.

We went a little crazy last night and things got a bit out of hand. Was just a normal night of clubbing and drinking but then some people just didn't know their limits. One pucked in the club. Another three of my friends got into an accident. Thank goodness it wasn't their fault. And everyone's okay. Imagine the shock i felt when i woke up at 6am and saw a message on my phone from Maria telling me that they got into an accident. Shit. Another car hit them as they were making a turn or something like that. The front of the car is totally smashed. But thank goodness that all of them are okay. Just some bruises here and there from the impact. Audrey had to go for an Xray today just to check if her leg's alrite. Apparently the police came and had to tow the car away. Damn. Made me think of the many times i've driven home not entirely sober and have been in cars where the driver was not totally sober. But at least everyone is alright. I was actually supposed to follow that car home too. What if i had been in the car as well? Jeebers... don't even wanna think bout that.

I'm now sitting in my room thanking God once again for looking out for me.

Yesterday was Friday the 13th. An unlucky day? Not for me it wasn't. I got a RM100 voucher for Hard Rock Cafe coz i was the most outstanding performer for my process for the month of July. Even though it's a bit lame and all, it's still nice to be acknowledged. :)

Plus he's finally discharged from the hospital. And his knee is getting better. He was damn depressed though when he was told that he wouldn't be able to play football anymore. At least not competitively. I know how much he loves playing and i feel really bad for him. But at least he's over it and is kind of okay now. Doing all the physio shit. I feel so helpless when he's in pain coz there's nothing i can do for him. He's back in Muar now anyway so there's nothing for me to do. Hope his knee is better when he comes back for his next appointment with the doctor.

Was chatting with an old friend and she was telling me how much she loves her boyfriend and how committed they are to each other etc. And i was thinking, do we really need so much commitment at our age? I mean, it's nice having someone to love and someone who loves you back but she was talking about marriage and settling down and shit. And seems that his parents are also talking about them settling down, getting jobs together, marriage etc. I was just speechless for a bit. I just can't see myself being so grounded. I mean, i'm only 23! It's also nice to dream and just talk bout marriage and shit but i don't actually see myself getting married anytime soon. Touch wood. It's a bit too soon, you know. I mean, just starting off on building a career. Just started living an adult's life. Being independent is cool. And i really like my life right now. I've got a great boyfriend. Great friends. An okay job. Financially okay as well. Really really can't imagine getting married at this age. Let's just analyse me at this point. I love him. He loves me. We enjoy being with each other. We don't mind seeing each other everyday after work. That's kind of like being married rite? Just without the commitments :) Perfect lifestlye. I can still turn and run the other direction if i want to. And the same goes for him as well. Why bother oneself with extra burdens? It's not easy being married. The compromises. The sacrifices. The extra commitments. But then again, some people have different opinions. And you're all entitled to it. And i wish everyone the best if you wanna get married early and have a family and all that. As for me, i like my life now and i think i'll just enjoy it while i can.

Dammit. Woke up early this morning only to find that I still couldn't go to the hospital. His mother was there. So that's like definitely a No No for me to be there as well. Shy :) So i still haven't seen him yet ever since i sent him there on Tuesday. Shit. I know that the last few posts have all been about him but what the heck. I'm worried and i need to see him badly. Luckily his parents have gone back home to Muar and so he's all mine now. First thing tomorrow morning, rushing over to SJMC.

Four more have resigned. Last day is this friday for one of em. Will be going out for dinner then a thanni session with the whole team on saturday. I was pretty depressed when i found out so many ppl resigned. Plus the fact that they all came in after I did. The pressure to leave at that time when i was depressed was just so strong. But had a long talk with my manager and my future's pretty bright right now in the company. So just gonna wait for the next opportunity. Im pretty sure it'd be mine the next time round. I'm already doing so many things, i'm practically swamped with work. No free time for me. Thank goodness we can't bring work back.

I wanna go on writing but my eyes are closing... my fingers are slowing down... my head is drooping... good night all.... ZZzzz...

I've never had anyone close to me go for an operation before. So this is my first time going through the whole process.

Woke up at 6 this morning (more like yesterday morning) to prepare breakfast for him coz he had to eat before 7. Unfortunately, i couldn't even open my eyes so he did everything for himself. That was a big disappointment :) Left the apartment at 9 and reached SJMC at 9.45. Good time eh? Went through the whole procedure of being admitted etc and he finally settled in his room at 10.30. Left him at around 11 coz his mum was coming and had lunch with his uncle.

Went to work with a heavy heart and a head filled with thoughts of him. Ish. And now after work i can't even go see him coz visiting hours are over and they won't let us in.

At least the operation's over. And he's feeling alright. Hope his ligament thingy didn't tear. Will be waking up at 9 tomorrow morning. Gotta rush over to the hospital.

It's now August and i'm still doing the same thing as i was last year. I will once again be celebrating my birthday in the same company in the same position. Sounds sad doesn't it? However, i've come to a point where i realise money isn't everything. I'm not living in poverty. I still have my health. I like my job most of the time. I like the lifestyle that i have. I like my friends. I have a cool family. I have a great boyfriend. What more can i ask for? I am now going to take things one at a time. And i shall not fret over petty things.

On another note, he's lying in the hospital right now waiting for his knee operation. Wish i could be there with him but certain external factors are stopping me. For example, his mother being there as well :) Praying that the op will go smoothly, his ligament isn't torn and that everything will be fine. Get well soon, honey. I'll see you tonight after work.

Haven't been updating my blog quite as regularly as i would like. But it's nice knowing the concern and care your friends show for you when they send you comments and mails scolding you for not writing anything. Shows how they're taking an interest in my life :)

What can i say? Lots of things have been happening recently and i'm just taking some time to digest some of 'em. Don't wanna go into the details but let's just say that i've learnt. And that i'm not afraid to admit when i've done something wrong and also not to bother justifying my actions all the time.

Was supposed to be in pangkor this weekend. Unfortunately, because of a football tackle and an injured knee, trip was cancelled. So instead i spent the whole of friday having a yuppie - type lunch, playing with an adorable mongrel puppy and watching a movie. Sorry bilis, i know i could caught I, robot with you guys but 1 utama was just too far. This mongrel puppy i mentioned earlier is the cutest, cheekiest and smartest puppy i have ever met. It's just so adorable you wanna play with it all day. And now i'm actually contemplating moving into a house just so i can keep a dog. What is it with puppies that just puts a smile on your face?

Met up with the dudes at prab's house. Happy belated birthday prabs!!! Was nice seeing all of them again. Especially tubs, tate and prabs who were all extremely high by the time i got there. And you know what i realised? I definitely prefer sitting in prab's house drinking and talking cock compared to going to a club. Maybe coz i just miss all you guys. Sigh... longing for the good ole days...

I might now be planning a trip to Kuantan. Got a friend who's got an apartment there and he says to come over anytime. Gonna go to the beach, jungle trekking etc. Sounds exciting? Since pangkor didn't materialize, gotta come up with another trip.

It's now sunday afternoon. The sun is hidden behind the clouds and it looks like rain. Time to snuggle under the comforter with a loved one and just snooze the day away.

P.S. Intimate moment of the week: pissing together in the same toilet- twice.

Why does it hurt so much to love someone? Why does loving someone make you so vulnerable to pain? Fuck this feeling. Just feel so depressed right now. Fucked to feel taken for granted and unappreciated for the things you do.  Fuck this feeling. Fuck him. Sometimes i just feel like i do so much for him and what do i get for return? Nothing. Either that or indifference. What's the point i ask you? What's the point in putting in a little more effort because you feel it might make him feel better or just because it's something that he'll enjoy when he doesn't do the same for you? What's the fucking point? Might as well just don't bother. Much easier that way. I wouldn't have to feel like this.

Fuck it lar. Gonna go shopping tomorrow and release some tension. Anyone wanna be my punching bag for tonight?

I finally got it done. My tattoo. And it was surprisingly easy. Did not hurt at all. Well, not much anyway. Not as much as i expected. And now i'm damn excited.

However, on that very same day... i found out that i did NOT get the position. I was so fucking disappointed, i nearly broke down. Even though i kept telling myself not to expect anything, not to hope... it still hurts... really badly. I was so lost for the whole day. And the disappointment was so apparent on my face. Coz everyone knew. And the more ppl came to talk to me about it, the worse i felt. And the worst part is having ppl tell me that I should have been the one to have gotten it instead of him. Whatmore if some of those ppl are from higher levels. And hearing that there's contention among the managers bout the decision is also not helping. The fact is this.. no matter what the contention, what other ppl think.. the decision has already made and announced. And i didn't get it. That's that. I didn't know what to do for a while there. But i talked to a good friend of mine who's a newly promoted manager and he asked me a very important question. Am i willing to wait for another opportunity? And i told him honestly that yes, i am willing to wait but i'm not gonna wait for too long. And he asked me if i could wait for 2 - 3 months. And i said i didn't know. I'd have to think bout it. And over the weekend, i did think about it. And i AM willing to wait. Coz i know that if there's another opening, i'm going to get it this time. Through my own hard work, pure will and determination. I like my job. I like the ppl in my company. And waiting another 2 - 3 months is no biggie. But if i don't get anything after that time... i'd know my destiny ain't with this company and it'd be time for me to leave then. But i KNOW i'm going to get it the next time round. Maybe i didn't do that well during the interview coz i was nervous. I knew everyone expected me to perform and everyone expected me to get it. But i've got no one to blame except myself. But i also know that i didn't screw up the interview. I went in there, and i gave it my best. Perhaps i just didn't come across as clear as i should have. And perhaps i didn't answer the questions and explain myself thoroughly enough. Nevertheless... i'll wait. And i'll get it this time.

My sayang's gone back home. And he'll be there for two weeks. And i'm already missing him. Sigh. Two weeks without him. I know i'm being lame and shit for complaining and whining but this would be the longest we've been apart ever since we got together. We're such an odd couple but yet we're together :) Was just reading Bill's blog and the song 'Angel of the morning'. And i'm really really lucky to have someone wake up beside me and touch my cheek, kiss me on the lips and call me sayang. Or should i say babi since that's what he calls me. I'm his babi and he's my botak. I know this post is gonna be damn mushy and all but heck.. i'm feeling a little lonely here. And it's nice to write about him.

Damn. Just got an sms from him. Jeez... missing him like mad!

I don't understand why, after spending a nice weekend with him, we have to argue when monday comes? I had loads of fun the whole weekend with him but we just had to fight on monday. Just like last week. And the week before that. There's just something about mondays i think. Ish. Unexplainable mysteries.

On anoother note about work, i really really want the position. A million questions are running thru my head. Actually just one. What if i don't get the position? What will be my next move? I know i'm definitely leaving if i don't get it. I'm good enough for the job and if i don't get it, then either a) i fucked up during the interview or b) some ppl are biased. And i don't think it can be a) coz i know i did well. I mean my fucking interview was for like 50 mintues! And i just talked and talked and i think i managed to sell myself. Oh well. Really can't tell. This company works in mysterious ways. But it's just so frustrating to see them hiring externally ppl who are so incompetant and just plain dumb. And these ppl are at a level higher than me. Best part is, my direct manager is one hell of a bimbo. And i'm thinking, if they can hire ppl like her, why can't they see the value in me? I know i'm being arrogant, but it's true! I know i can definitly do a better job than her anyway. It really really is frustrating to see this happening. So, let's just hope i can get the position. Because if i don't, i really don't know what to do. For the meantime anyway.

Pranks are a really mean trick to play on people. Innocent people. Especially pranks that can really touch the heart and kill you inside. I was sleeping soundly when a stupid stunt was pulled on me. And i was really angry (since i didn't know it was a prank i obviously bought his story) at him. Angry, disappointed, sad, hurt etc. And to find out in the morning that it was all a joke. A stupid tasteless joke. What an idiot. What a mangkuk.

I've had a long long day. Came back from clubbin at 8 am, took a shower, slept and was out again by 12. Met up with annie, syl n tubs. Had loads of fun. Ate some weird claypot curry chicken rice at SS2. Then did some poser yuppie coffee bean thingy. Took a drive to cyberjaya, then hung out in my room until everyone was hungry then went to have dinner cum supper.

It's amazing how we can just spend the whole day with each other and not get bored. We can just sit somewhere, have a drink and go on talking and yakking away till the sun sets and rises again. We are just so elite. And the best part is, we can go on telling and rehashing the same stories over and over again and yet we'd still find it extremely funny and will be rolling on the ground laughing. I'm telling ya, you can never find friends like these. Friends who can just enjoy each others' company and just kutuk and swear at each other all in good fun. Sigh... i love those guys.

Going to get some shut eye now. Real tired.

Melancholy...

Feelin a bit melancholy rite now... don't know why. I'm sick again :) Caught it from vijay. Was so tempted to ditch work and just stay at home with him but my conscience just wouldn't let me. So i went to work and felt terrible. Wnet home after an hour at work. What a waste of fucking time. I could have been sleeping all the while. Anyway, at least i had nice lunch/dinner. Oh and apparently my tonsils are swollen and i have wind in my tummy. And i'm supposed to drink lots of warm water (yucks) and eat porridge and bread for the next week (double yucks). Yeah... as if i'm gonna follow the doctor's orders.

Looks like i've got weekend plans :) Meeting up with the chickos for breakfast and a movie. Should be fun. Plus... we've finally decided to go to East Malaysia for my core leave. Will now put it to August. And hopefully the plan materialises!!!

Went out for a drink last night and i got into a massive arguement with vijay on why he was so adamant bout not wanting to bring me home. It's not that i would go back to his hometown with him but i jsut wanted to know that he wouldn't be ashamed to bring me home and show me to his family. Finally the explanation (and this came from his good friend - vinesh) was that it's hard for indians to bring home a girl of another caste, let alone another race. I can't remember what caste vijay's from but it's some land owner caste. Vinesh is kinda having the same problem since his girlfriend is this chinese girl too. Anyway, i dont' know whether the whole explanation is true but i bought it. Now i'm supposed to go back to muar with both of them and stay with vinesh and we're all just 'friends'. Right... as if i'm gonna go.

Urgh... looking around my room and it's such a mess. Another plan for the weekend. Clean up room. My shopping bags from last week are still on the floor with the purchases still in them. My laundry is still unpacked. Books that i've read are still lying on the table. My blanket is pushed into one corner of the bed. Crumpled tissues on the floor next to my bed courtesy of my runny nose. Ish ish.. i'm living in a pig sty!!! Where's a maid when i need one? Any volounteers?

Yawn...

I'm so bored right now. Everyone i know has gone for work. Yes.. even though it's a bank holiday in the UK some ppl have to go to work. And just so happened that my gang is working :( So right now, i'm at home passin time by writing on my blog.

This past weekend has been somewhat nice for me. Really enjoyed myself this weekend. Went clubbing on friday, woke up really late on saturday evening, went for dinner with sayang, met up with the voices dudes (really miss those guys) then going back home to sayang. Spent the whole sunday with him. We didn't even do anything on sunday. Just lazed around, went for lunch/tea, lamed around in midvalley for a while, wanted to catch a movie but the line was just too freakin long, went back to his apartment to get some dvds, got waylaid there for a while :), came back to my house, had dinner, watched 2 movies, lamed a bit more, talked a whole lot of cock, had supper then finally slept. What an interesting and productive day :) ANd i also think this is the fist time in a long while that i've spend the whole day with him, just the both of us. I feel really contented with myself. And with us. I'm really happy that the idiot has finally admitted that he loves me :)

Trying to figure out what i should do today. Think i'll go get a manicure. Then i'll go shopping for some clothes. Then some books. Need to stock up on books. Maybe get something for him. A pair of slippers or something since he's been eyeing Daryl's. Maybe catch a movie. Been wanting to watch Shrek2 for sometime now. Then come back and bask in the warmth of my shopping :) I am so lame. But it's things like these that make me happy sometimes.

I kinda miss home. But my core leave's coming up so think i'll just wait for another couple of weeks before going back home. Looks like i'm not going anywhere this year. Oh well, at least i can say i've already gone to RA and enjoyed myself. I really really wanna go back to Bangkok and just shop like mad. Felt really nostalgic hearing the kids talk bout bangkok and looking at the pictures of asians. Just felt like i wanna go back to those times.

Apparently there's some issue within the club that some ppl aren't happy bout the money being allocated for teams etc. And i was thinking how spoiled these kids are. That just because the club has money now after australs, everyone just wants a piece. What happened to the committed ppl of the club who would just pay to go for tournaments? Annu and I were just looking at each other and rolling our eyes. Farrah, Annu and i paid for ALL our tournaments and never complained one bit. Okay so maybe we did complain sometimes but we still paid and we went representing Voices MMU which is the most important thing after all. Now, just coz the club has money, everyone thinks they should be sponsored. Yeah right. First of all, the new kids don't even have the kind of committment and dedication we used to show. Second, they dont' know how hard it was for us to get sponsorship from uni and how hard we had to work just to prove ourselves. These kids have it easy and they still wanna complain. I'm really wondering what's gonna happen when the seniors graduate. Seniors like Tate, Balloons, Dengz... even ppl like Mac and Ed don't show enough committment. Who's gonna carry the ball next? The reason why the seniors are so dedicated is because they know how hard it was for the founders to build up Voices and to make it the debating society it is today. How all the unis in Malaysia look up to Voices coz of what we have achieved. How those from other unis wanna train with us. Whatever happened to pure love for the club? Treating the ppl in the club as your family. Coz that's what the ppl in voices mean to most of us. They're part of our lives now. Adn they're definitely more than just friends. I just hope voices doens't die out once the seniors leave. That would be so sad. And such a waste.

Do i wanna leave?

That question has been bugging me for the last 2 months. Do i wanna leave the company? And i still don't have the fucking ansewr. I applied for the internal opening and i'm really hoping that i get it. I really really want that position. But the BCB ppl finally called me and they want me to start 1st July. Which means if i take this job i would have to pay the comapny back at least a month. A few other ppl have said it would be better to move on to better things. And sometimes i think that's right. But other times, i'm just so happy there. I'm alrite with the job. I know my job well. Ppl respect me and look up to me. My managers are alrite with me. I've got great friends. And i'm thinking, if i'm so happy, why leave? Isn't personal satisfaction more important than anything? But someitmes i feel so restless. LIke i can be doing so much more with my life.I can be doing somethign so much more challenging. Sigh.. i really dont know. I feel like i've hit a rock in my life right now. Whether to still cling onto that rock or let go and let the current sweep me away to other places. I realise that i've got several of these type of posts before... but like i said... the question of moving on has always been there but i just don't how to answer it.

Paranoia?

Ever been worried when you find out a friend has the hots for the guys you're with? I recently found out that this friend from work likes vijay. I dont' know if she just wants to do him or she really really likes him.. but i'm really bothered by it. I mean, she's my friend and all and we go clubbing together... so it's really weird for me. He knows that she likes him too but he assures me that he doesn't like her and i believe him. But the nagging feeling is just there. And i know she tried to hit on him once already when i wasn't around... or more like she kissed him! Luckily he had the rational to pull back even though he was massively high at that time. So now i'm left wondering if she'll pull that kind of stunt again. And what if he's not that rational the next time? Sigh... I know i cant' do anything bout it but... i just feel really really bothered by that fact. Everytime when i'm with him and she's around, i can feel her looking at us. Even that night when we went clubbing and me and him were just together. And when we were back in the apartment with everyone else and i was being 'manja' with him. Aargh... I hate this feeling. I mean, she's a nice girl and she's a friend and i know it's not her fault if she likes him but still...!!!

On another note, the mmu kids lost in the quarters. Tough luck. And it's an Atenean finals. Ish ish... thank goodness we didn't go crazy and just fly up there.

Had the company launching of the new building today. Everyone was just so dressed up! Including yours truly of course :) Wore my new saree and all.


I feel so pretty...

Woo Hoo...

Damn.. last night was one of the best clubbing nights ever! Went to voyeur in bangsar but the crowd there was very thin at first and i was thinking 'okay... this looks boring..' but then we got a bottle of JD and just started drinking anyway. Bought tequila shots for everyone coz it was freakin cheap. The night really started swinging when we danced on the podium... hehehe... Then, we actually danced on the bar top! Just like coyote ugly! Heehe... and we got free tequila shots for that. Just for dancing on the bar top! Man.. i never imagined myself dancing like that anywhere! The whole night was just amazing. And obviously i got myself swinging in a way i haven't swung in quite a while :) But he was really attentive to me and took care of me and shait. Even in his apartment when everyone else was still drinking. He opted to stay with me when i felt really really sick. That's when i realised how much he actually cares for me. No matter all the bullshit he tells me, he cares for me. A lot. And I'm really happy to know that.

Anyway, today is recovery day. Don't feel like doing anythign except eat and sleep and laze around the house, watching tv or just some light reading. My calfs ache from all the dancing in high heels. I realised i kinda tore my skirt too and i have no idea how that happened. Damn. And i really liked that skirt.

No news bout the breaking teams in Asians yet. I really really hope both teams made it to the semis. That would be fucking elite. They're probably at the championship dinner now. I so badly wanna be there!!!

2 Teams broke!

Fuck! MMU 1 and 2 broke! I feel so proud! And i'm really tempted to fly up to thailand just to watch them debate the breaking rounds. Pity bout MMU 3 though. 5-3 and they didn't make it. Oh well... all of them are still young.. many many more tournaments to prove themselves. Can just imagine the euphoria all of them are feeling right now. I wanna be part of it too!

Tired...

I'm so tired. Just got back from playing futsol. Seems as if that's the 'in' thing right now at the office. Everyone's playing it. Won our game. Hehehe... so we've got bragging rights on Monday!

Stupid BCB ppl told me that my status is still KIV. I was like 'What the fuck?!' but i just kept quite coz they might still want me and i'll just patiently wait for their call... again. This sucks. Just when i thought i could hand in my letter of resignation. Oh well. Let's just hope the internal opening thingy goes well.

Monday's the launching of our new building with Pak Lah coming over. I can't believe i passed up a chance to talk to the guy. But what the hell. I'm not so into these things. Will be wearing some traditional baju. Hope i look good!

Been pretty busy this week. Work wise. Social life too. :) Might be going clubbing tomorrow night. Hopefully. And i've got netball selections tomorrow too. Don't know if i'll go for that but.. we'll see.

The kids are in bangkok right now. I wonder how many teams broke. The plan was to fly up there if 3 MMU teams broke. Oh fuck... i couldn't get leave for the BEP concert. Farrah will begoing with a friend. I'm so jealous. I really really wanted to go. My boss sucks.

I'm rambling. My mind ain't functioning that well right now. Probably coz my head got hit by a flying football just now. It's also late. I could be having breakfast in a while. I'm so so tired.... Need sleep now....

Yay!

Yay! I finally found a way to put pictures up on my blog! Horray for me.. and i did this all by myself...


Don't I just look cute? :)

Moving on

I suddenly have this insane urge to move on with my life. I feel that my life has hit a rock and i'm just stagnant. Not moving anywhere. I just want to get on with my life. Move on in my career. Move on from pandian. Just a general shift and change in my life. I also feel like leaving my company really badly. I just feel that i can't go anywhere from where i am now. Even if it means starting all over again, i want to make that step. I just want to prove myself capable of surviving. I just want to do somethign in my life. I want a job that would enable to me use my brains every single minute. To keep me on my toes all the time. To be ready and sharp and on the edge. I just feel so restless right now. I wanna do something! Anything! Called the BCB ppl today but the lady who spoke to me ain't around and will only be back on Monday. So will try again on monday. Am also applying for a position which opened. Don't know what my chances are of getting it. After all, there'd be tons more ppl applying and only 2 vacancies. But then again, it's not something i really wanna do anyway. But just trying my luck anyway.

I've moved on from Kiley. I just think he and this gf are just being extremely childish, paranoid and neurotic. Everyone's been saying to let him do what he wants and he'll realise soon enough how stupid all this is. Oh well... I'd like to thank everyone for their support though... Everyone's been really helpful and supportive.

Jeebers... I feel like drinking all of a sudden. Drinking, smoking, partying. I've become really addicted to that lifestyle. Every week I just feel like going clubbing. But unfortunately, me finances can't keep up. :) Add the shopping and there goes my $$. Just looking at my credit card statements every month is enough to make me just stay at home.

Was having a chat with Farrah yesterday after work. We just sat and talked bout life, our jobs, lovelives etc. Talked about staying on our own. And the thought of staying by myself just sounded so appealing. I really want to get like a studio apartment and just move in there by myself. I can decorate it anyway i want to. Don't have to worry bout the place getting dirty coz it's be ME dirtying it anyway. Man.. if i can find a place like that for 300 bucks... i'd shift in there right away! So if anyone knows a place like that... do let me know :)

Friends

I've just lost a friend. A really good friend. All because his current girlfriend is 'bothered' about him being so close to me. And so she wants him to end his friendship with me. And he did.

I'm now sitting wondering how stupid he is. And how stupid she is. First of all, we've been apart for over 2 years now. Secondly, we're not even on the same bloody continent. He's in Australia and i'm in freakin Malaysia. How threatened can she feel?!?!? I'm feeling really really angry rite now. If i can see him right now i'd just about punch his stupid face.

I've known the dude for nearly 7 years.. and he's just gonna throw it all away for her. I can understand how she might feel insecure and shit but it's not like we're in close proximity or anything like that! Jeebers!!! I really really don't know what to say. I'm just speechless.

I thought i knew him. But i guess ppl change. And since he's in a new relationship i guess all he wants to do is make her happy. But not at MY expense as well! A year ago, he wouldn't have contemplated such a thing. I just dont' know him anymore. I suppose the year in Aussie has changed him. NOt only physically but emotionally as well. Fuck him. I'm so so disappointed in him. We've stood by each other all these years and now suddenly i'm not suppoesd to be his friend anymore. What the fuck?!?!?

He tells me that he really treasures our friendship and that i'm really special to him etc but he says all that has to be put in the past. She doesn't like me being friends with you so this is goodbye. What the bloody hell fuck??!??!?!?! I just wanna curse right now. ANd he tells me please try to understand. Understand what? The fact that we're in different countries but she still feels insecure? The fact that i'm not even the least bit interested in you romantically and vice versa but she still feels threatened? Understand what?!?!?! There's bloody well nothing to understand. Understand that you're throwing our friendship away just coz your partner doesn't like me?!?!?

I'm running out of energy... I'm just so very very sad now...

PHD...

Still suffering from PHD. Oh well, all good things must come to an end. Sucks though. I keep thinking if only we had a few more days there. Damn. Anyway, have got the photos uploaded onto my shutterfly account. Can't do it on fotopages. It keeps hanging when i try uploading em onto fotopages. Anyway, this is the link:

http://share.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=EeANGrVszaOWruQ

I was just recalling back the trip and trying to figure out which part/day was the funnest and i realised the whole trip was equally fun. As in, nothing surpassed each other. From day one to day four... everything was just perfect. The part where we got called the anal car coz we didn't stop anywhere, the expensive but delicious sotong, the trip to Kuala Terengganu, the struggle with Botex, Garage, Syl and Farrah when they dragged me into the sea with my denim shorts on, the sight of the dudes naked (not a pleasant sight i tell ya), the BBQ, the thanni sessions, the burning questions we asked each other, the soul searching by the beach, the mooning and flashing, the boat ride to pulau kapas, the snorkelling itself, laughing at thiru aka landak boy when he stepped on some sea urchins, getting burnt and suffering the effects now.... Sigh.. i gotta say, thanks so much dudes for making this whole trip a success. Wouldn't have been the same if the company was so elite and cekap :)

Was just reading the other dudes blogs and everyone was just writing about RA. Hehehe... we all had fun. The trip had a really lasting impact on me. Ooh.. forgot to mention that i came out in the NST. There was a reporter from NST there on our last day and was interviewing Syl and I about why we chose to come to Rantau etc... The article is really small and there's a really bad picture of me there.. but hey.. how many ppl can say they were in the papers? Oh yes, we also came up with a plan in the future. The ppl of the RA trip will be opening a resort! And we each have a role to play. It was extremely funny talking about it. Adn it would be really elite if it came true. Imagine having a business with your best friends and growing old with them too. Hehehe...

On another note, went to play futsal last night after work. Was a bit apprehensive at first coz i've never played the game before. But there were a few other girls and it was real fun. Tiring but fun. Got elbowed in the head by nantha and now there's a bruise on my forehead. Hopefully i can hide it with makeup later. Jeebers.. imagine going to work with a bruise in the middle of my forehead. LIke kena abuse or something. Hehehe.... Juliana and I are a bit scared of the match on saturday. We were watching the guys playing among themselves and they got really rough. Even when we were playing with them it was pretty ganas already. Worst part is, there'll only be one girl in our team at a time. Meaning we'd have to play without each other! Jeebers... i figured i just gotta be brutal as well and hope that some of the guys will be soft hearted enough not to bang me. Coz i'm pretty sure i'll just go flyign into the net!

AAH.. .the bruise on my head is becoming more painful as i touch it. Jeebers....

Post Holiday Depression

We're back from the East coast. And now suffering from a post holiday depression. This is the part where i'd have to return back to reality. No more enjoying myself and just ignoring the rest of the world. Oh well... time to get on with life.

The whole trip was just surreal. Extremely surreal. Had shit loads of fun with the gang. I first wanted to post the entire trip starting from day one to the last day but now i'm thinking i don't wanna do that. Just feel like keeping those memories in my head and holding them close to my heart.

I can't even begin to describe the beauty of the beach and the sea. The sight and sound of the waves hitting the shore was just absolutely breathtaking. The friendliness of the resort owners just made us feel so at home. The bbq dinner we had, the swimming together, the snorkelling trip... everything was just perfect. No plans were made but everything just fell into place nicely. No one got irritated. No one got pissed off. No one was whining. No one was complaining. It was just perfect. Sigh...

And so now.. i'm gonna try uplodaing the gazillion photos we took. I am just feeling so nostalgic right now...