Long way more

It's been nearly a whole year since I last blogged and I must say that I'm fairly disappointed with myself in not keeping to at least one stable thing in my life I could count on to always be there for me to rant and vent.
What can I say about the past year? I've been busy as a bee and the months just whooshed by.
Was reading my past posts and realised that I'm kinda back to square one just when I thought all was well. I was angry initially but after the past few days of worrying and crying and feeling like someone just ripped out my heart and stomped on it in front of me, as at end yesterday, I can safely say that I am strong enough to make the right decision and I am strong enough to get on with my life however it may turn out. And I'm glad that I've finally made myself let things go. I made myself not worry and fret but to accept things as they are and to just hope things which are not under my control will get better. But in the meantime, don't sweat it. The ball is now on the other side of the court and we both know what needs to be done if we still want to play this game together. So it's either we work towards reaching for the ball so it can come back to me or we both walk out from the court and perhaps find other players.
Work isn't exactly helping either. I'm swamped. And I feel burnt out. I'm frustrated and tired. A door opened for me and I made the decision not to step through it and to remain where I am now with hopes of prospects and raises hedged on one man only.
I can't wait for the new year to begin. That's because I'm so tired at this point right now that I'm hoping the new year will bring about something new for me.
I'm tired of worrying about work. I'm tired of feeling annoyed at my junior team members who don't seem to have a sense of accountability and responsibility and just lacks common sense. I'm tired of worrying about my relationship and where it's headed. I'm tired of working so hard in this relationship.
Work beckons again. Sigh.

Blogging again

I seem to only blog when I'm in Bahrain. Probably because I've got much more time here. It's only 4:15pm and already i'm thinking what i should have fo dinner. Probably room service briyiani. I'm staying in a hotel, by the way. Just temporarily. I arrived in Bahrain on Monday night and was driven to a real swanky apartment we had agreed upon with the real estate agent. Woke up on Tuesday morning, all jet lagged but ready to sign the lease and pay the rent when I was told they don't do 6month lease. The whole day was then spent making phone calls back to KL and to other real estate agents here to get me another place. Hence, I'm in a hotel. But with any luck, I should be able to get something by Thursday / Friday. A brand new apartment. So new, the building hasn't been named yet. So new, some of the units are still being furnished. But it's a really nice place. Too bad I had to stay in that crappy apartment for so long when there are actually much nicer apartments around within the same rental rate.

Anyway, the trip to Phuket was fun. Not much beach time though but still managed to squeeze in a few hours by the beach. Soaking up the sun then dipping into the water is my idea of a perfect holiday. The number of days preceeding Phuket where we had to work till 10pm everyday had an effect on us. We brought our FRM bear-terroist, Abu, with us to Phuket. No pictures yet, but will put some up once i get my hands on them. The amount of alcohol consumed by us is shocking. I drank quite a bit, that i think it's time to detox myself.

The effects of alcohol - violence against colleagues :)

On a seperate note, i'm not really at a crossroads yet and I don't want to divulge too much information lest i jinx it but i'm hoping for a 'yes' from one party which may change my life. Let's see how it goes.

Oh well, being back in Bahrain is just surreal... saying Hi to everyone I know and repeating the same questions and answers like "How are you" "I'm good" "How's the organisation doing" etc. Not to mention the fake smiles and hellos. Sigh, part of the job i suppose... getting back on everyone's good terms. Doesn't help the project much though when I can't find the project manager from over here. Also doesn't help that there's supposed to be a big meeting tomorrow with the department heads and I can't find the project manager to discuss what should be addressed in the meeting.

It's now 4:40 pm. I should be able to go back soon. Hurrah... 8 more days to go!