At this particular moment, I feel so taken for granted. I feel that I've done so much for him which has gone unappreciated and unnoticed. I put in so much extra effort to make sure that we see each other. I do my best at whatever he asks. And yet... it seems as if everything I do doesn't matter, because after all, it's supposed to come with the relationship, right?

I don't mind doing all that I'm doing but I would like some acknowledgment. You need someone to pick you up? Fine, I'll do it because I understand that you don't have your car back yet. You need some money to tide you over? Fine, I'll lend you some. You left something in my car and need me to turn back to return it you? Fine, I'll do it. You need to borrow my car to go somewhere? Fine, take it since I'm not using it. You're vegetarian today? Fine, we'll go somewhere where you can easily get vegetarian food. I will gladly do anything for you. But all I'm asking for is a word of 'thanks' and some appreciation. Do I get that? No, not really. You borrowed my car yesterday and when I got in this afternoon, I noticed the floor mat was out of place and so I asked you if you fetched anyone else. Did I get a decent answer from you? No. What I got was, "I can't wait to get my car back so that I won't have to get questions like that from you." Look, you borrowed MY car, and I definitely have the RIGHT to ask if there was anyone else. I didn't say you couldn't fetch anyone but all I wanted to know was who sat in the passenger seat last night when MY car was with you. Even if it had been your car, I would have asked the same question! You borrowed MY car and got annoyed with ME for asking you a harmless question. Did I get mad at you? No, because I didn't want to start an arguement. So I let it pass. Later, we had to send your uncle back to his house where you were getting off as well to follow your cousin back to your house. Fine. Which means, I will have to go to your uncle's place to drop YOU off, then drive MYSELF back to my house. Still fine. But when we got there, you left without taking your things. And I had to turn back after being halfway home, to give you back your stuff since you needed them. When I got there, you opened the door and just took your stuff. No word of "thanks". No word of "bye". No word of "good night". I know we had an arguement on the way to your uncle's place but if our positions were reversed, I know I would have at least said "thank you". I was feeling slightly depressed that I would be going back home alone and even wanted to put in that extra effort to follow you back home even though it means going through a horrendous traffic jam in the morning so that I could spend a little more time with you. But you said your cousin was staying over with you tonight. Fine. So I said let's go back to my home first and your cousin can pick you up later when he sends your uncle back home since they're still drinking and will be ordering another jug. Which would give us at least an hour together. But you said No. You wanted to continue drinking with your uncle. Obviously I got upset since I won't be seeing you for the coming 2 weeks. Was I wrong to get upset? I don't think so.

I do wonder if it's really worth it. If what we have is really worth my putting in all this effort for you. Why bother doing things for someone if I get nothing in return? Why bother thinking of someone and doing nice things if that someone doesn't bother putting in the same effort and doing nice things for me? Sometimes, it's the little things that count. And if that someone doesn't believe in putting effort in the small things (or big things for that matter), is it worth it?

You tell me.

Still busy

The month of May is whizzing past me. I feel like it was just yesterday I was stepping out of the plane back from Bahrain. But it's actually been nearly a month since I got back. The amount of work I've got on my plate makes it seem I've never left. And I just received news that our contract might be extended again and I will need to go back to Bahrain after the summer break. But I've got my holiday plans in September / October, so we'll see. If it really gets extended, then I'll have to negotiate something.


Am based in the heart of KL right now. The drive here is horrendous and I can't take the LRT as there isn't one near my place and by the time I drive to the nearest station, I might as well drive all the way to town already. Luckily I can come in slightly later and miss most of the morning rush. The food around here is great, though. Cheap and good! And loads of chinese eateries around. What more could I ask for!


Went back home over the long weekend and just lamed in the house. Forgot to call up my friends beforehand and felt too lazy to go out and catch up with them :( Bad, I know... but sometimes I just want to laze at home and not do anything except hang out with my family and eat good home-cooked food. The bus journey back home and back to KL was alrite. Surprisingly no jam.

MMU won the Asians again this year. Good for them. Had the option of taking a ferry to Langkawi to meet up with the kids but was just too lazy :) Besides, I haven't been home since I got back from Bahrain so it was a good reason not to go.

Apparently a lot of the spectators were anti-MMU during the finals. Oh well, that's like so expected. I would have to say other contingents in Asians are normally intimidated by us because we're so outgoing and united as a group. Not to mention our guys and gals normally score :) The culture of Voices MMU carries on :)
I'm actually blogging right now because I can't stand looking at my work anymore. After this project, I think I'll be an 'expert' on Islamic banking :| All the jargon and terms and concepts are so confusing. And the project room here is such a mess. Documents and files strewn all over the table. Everyday,we say we'll tidy them up but by the end of the day, we'll be too tired and too eager to go home.

Went back to the office yesterday and got bombarded with more work. It's like she can sense when her people are back. Immediately when I came back from lunch (coz before lunch in the morning she wasn't in), my phone rang... oops... get something done for her by the end of the day coz she needs it by the next morning :|
So spend the whole afternoon rushing that out for her, then had to finish up some slides which were due and finally only left the office nearly 8. Bleh.

My claims submission this month was so measly. This is the first month where my claims aren't 4 digits. So sad :( No more extra cash / savings.

Okay... back to work now. Deadline drawing near. So is lunch time :)