On a happier note...

On a happier note, the weekend was a blast. First on Saturday there was a dinner party with my ex-team, then on Sunday, a wine & pizza party with the Voices gang. What more could I have asked for? Good food, good wine and to top it all of, good company.

The dinner on Saturday was extremely mouth watering delicious. An authentic all-American dinner. First there was soup, then salad, then the entree, followed by the dessert and finally coffee. I was so stuffed even before the end of the meal. But it was good. Coupled with good wine, fantastic ambience, and great conversation, the whole evening was truly enjoyable. Adjourned to a place in Saujana Resort after that. The band there was really good! And the place was really nice too. Crowd was just nice and the music was really good. The only thing about it is that it's a bit posh hence the prices are a bit steep too.

Sunday was really fun. Hanging out with the Voices gang again. Plus, it was just the old gang. None of these new kids whom we hardly know. Had good pizza, good wine, played Scrabble (I attempted to make up my own rules but no one wanted to listen to me) and our usual fun and games. The things we do! I'm pretty sure that one day, when we're all important people, some enemies of ours is going to dig up all the footage and photos of all the silly things that we've done and use them to blackmail us. Oh well... I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it! Was just really fun hanging out with them after so long. Was just like the good old days when we had no responsibilities and the our biggest worry was whether we're going to ace the test or not. And now everyone's working and the only time we have to meet is during the weekends. At least when I was still working in Cyber, I could have attended some of their 'church' meets.

I know this may sound lame and all but I thought it was really nice of the dudes to have labelled the room 'hele's room' and to have made a set of keys for me already even though at that time I haven't confirmed with them that I would take up their offer. :) Shows how much small things like these can affect me.

How do I know if I've made the right decision?

How do I know? This question has been bugging me ever since my move here. How do I know if I've made the right choice? It's already been a month here but I still feel like a fish out of water. Could it be that the last place I was in, the environment was so great and now over here, everyone's just minding their own business? And speaking to my ex-colleagues over the weekend, I realise that I really miss them and the camaderie we shared. It was amazing as to how fast we all just clicked and chatting away like we've known each other for years. And the relationship that I had with my ex-boss was also amazing and I think is almost impossible to find anywhere else. The dinner with them was great and I really miss working with them.

So now, I'm left wondering if I've made the right choice by choosing to leave to pursue this path I'm on now. Everyone says that it's the right move, the wise move, but is it really? The problem with me is that I don't know what I want. I don't know where I want to be in 5 years time. Sure, there are things that I say when someone asks me that question, but I don't know if that IS what I really want.

I keep thinking about what I had and if I made a mistake choosing to leave. I think it's mainly because of the team dynamics and what a great boss she was. If only someone could just tell me straight to my face that I made the right decision and that everything's going to turn out good.

Because of this change of job, I now have to move as well. Another change in my life. I don't necessarily have to move but the journey to and fro work is just horrendous. But the one thing that's holding me back is that, what if this doesn't work out? What if I do really badly at this and I need to find something else? I know that's like really thinking pessimistically but what if it really happens? I know that it won't happen if I don't allow it to happen but it's been a month and I'm still feeling awkward with what I'm doing. I suppose it could be that because in my last place, I knew everything at the tip of my fingers.

Oh gosh... this is so hard. I hate when I'm feeling so much doubt about myself. So, how do I know?

Thank God it's Friday!

Yay... it's friday!!! And just another few more hours before I can go home and enjoy two free days of fun and leisure!

The days just pass really fast. I'll be complaining that it's a Monday, and with a blink of an eye, it'd be Friday and I'll be shouting Yippee! Then, Saturday & Sunday will zip by and once again, it's Monday and I'll be grumpy. It's a never ending cycle.

Wearing my patience thin

Started my day by being nearly crushed by a bloody huge bus on my commute to work. Curse those bloody bus drivers who drive recklessly and don’t give a shit about the other drivers on the road just because they’re in a stupid, huge vehicle and won’t get hurt if they bang a car. Unfortunately there wasn’t a number at the back of the bus where you can call and complain if the driver was driving like a maniac. Bloody bus drivers. And bloody motorcyclists too. Damn irritating creatures who weave in and out of traffic, stay behind your car but in your blind zone, ride in the middle of the lane fucking slowly and blocking your car from overtaking them as they’re right in the middle! There should be a bloody law for all these irritating creatures on the road. These people are the ones causing the jams and accidents. If the damn motorcyclist doesn’t give a damn about his own life and expect other motorists to watch out for him, then why bother making bloody ads asking us to watch out for THEM? It’s their bloody life! If they don’t give a damn about it, then why should others? Fucking irritating pests of the roads! And why must people always slow down when there’s an accident? Why must they always want to look? Even if they DO want to look, they don’t have to bloody slow down! These people are causing even worse backlogs to happen! As if having an accident right in the middle of the road isn’t bad enough. There’s also a reason why the right lane is called the fast lane. If people want to be on the right lane, then fucking drive faster. Don’t go onto the right lane and then drive at fucking 50 km/ph!

I can’t take it anymore. Every morning AND evening, I face these things. It takes me a bloody one plus hour just to get to work and another hour more to get back. 2 hours of my life wasted, just like that. Not to mention the fuel consumption, the wear and tear of my car and the fact that the risk of my dying young is highly increased due to reckless driving of some people.

It’s time… really.

Ramblings of a stagnant mind

I’m really curious as to what’s been happening with Kiley. Yeah yeah, I know that we’re not supposed to be friends anymore (thanks to a whole load of paranoia and mistrust!) but it’s been so long I can’t help but wonder if things still have to be this way. The last I heard, they were going to get married by the end of this year. I don’t know why the thought suddenly popped into my head, but I guess sometimes, you think of the strangest things for no particular reason. I think he’s graduating this year as well. I think of my friendship with him, and how close we were (given the distance) even after we were no longer together, and how cool it was talking to him about guys and him talking to me about girls. We were more like brother and sister by then. And I find that totally cool since everyone used to say we looked alike J I still remember when he called all the way from Down Under when I was having problems with and how nice it for him to do that for me. I still wear the shirt he bought for me from Aussie. It’s a damn nice shirt, anyway. And I still remember him telling me about finding this girl he really liked who, coincidentally, was from my school and knew me as well (although I couldn’t’ really remember her at the time). And how happy I was for him when he told me that he really really liked her and she could be ‘The One’. And how great I thought it would be if we all went out when they came back to Penang for their holidays. But look how things turned out instead. Now I don’t even know where he is, what he’s doing and whether he’s still with her or not. Oh wait, since he’s still not in contact with me, I suppose they’re still together.

Don’t get me wrong, there are no romantic feelings involved here. It’s just the thought of losing a friend that’s bothering me. Well, not really bothering, but just creeps into my thoughts once in a while. I very much wanted him to meet Vijay as well. I think they would have gotten on very well since they’re both so crazy and passionate about football. It’s also hurtful to know that when I wrote to him about my dad, he didn’t even bother to reply. When everyone else was so supportive and helpful. 6 years of friendship (and more) just down the drain.

Is it weird when you’re still good friends with your ex? How much does it affect your relationship with your current partner? I mean, sure, it would be weird if your partner and his/her ex is really really close and still talk on the phone etc but what if they were just normal friends who correspond and meet once in a while? Putting myself in her shoes, I guess I would be a little jealous but I won’t cut off his friendship. That’s the last thing I would do. I’ve got a friend who’s in a similar position right now. Well, not really similar as her partner is really close (and I mean really close) with his ex. Apparently she’s his best friend. And they travel together and even share the same room. Now, that’s weird, right? She’s even got a boyfriend but he doesn’t mind it at all! I don’t know… maybe it’s just a girl thing. According to my boyfriend, it is. Just a girl thing. And you won’t see guys behaving like this. :p What a sexist thing to say. And you can’t imagine the arguments I’ve had with him regarding stuff like this. But then sometimes I DO think that it’s just a girl thing….

P.S. the above are just ramblings as I’m currently stuck on my project and not because I don’t have any work (as some of you may think).

Too little too late...

The past weekend was a journey through many ups and downs and self revelations. My emotional immaturity when it comes to this and stubborness and persistance in dogging someone, almost led to the downfall of something really important to me. And that's something I don't even want to go through again. When something big blows up in your face, that's when you realise that it's time to let go of pride. And what's the point of having pride if it means you might lose the most important thing in your life?

On another note, met up with the Voices gang on Friday. It was fun hanging out with them again. But felt really old and out of place with all the new kids. It was basically the alumni hanging out with each other and the new kids grouping in another corner. But a couple of bottles of red, some yummy birthday cake, good ole Maggi Mee ala Abang style for supper and great company just capped off my Friday. Let's drink to more Fridays hanging out together!

A little self-reflection

Someone once told me that I have the ability to take a step back and reflect on myself for what I've done. Anyway, upon returning home after watching the movie 'The Island' (see review at
I couldn't sleep. It was already 1 am by then and I had to get up at 6 am the next morning. And because of an arguement I had with him, I started thinking about myself. I looked at myself at an objective manner and suddenly saw all my whims and fancies and complains and whines being so insignificant and small and that I sometimes get over-emotional on issues and over-react to things, I just seemed so silly to myself. And I wonder why I do all these things. For example, when something happens, I over-react, get angry, upset etc. But after a while, I'll be fine and will be thinking to myself "Why the heck did I get so upset for?" I react to things without thinking. I really need to get ahold of myself and start working on a few things which bother me.

Here's a list of things I thought of which I should work on (at least for now).

Things I overindulge in:
1. Shopping / Spending money
2. Eating

Traits I should change:
1. Being too emotional
2. My over-reaction to small things
3. My impatience
4. My intolerance for people who are slow
5. Getting angry when things don't go the way I expected
6. Being too self-critical

Traits I should keep:
1. Can't think of any - hence point 6 above.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the wisdom to know the difference.

Nomad...

I'm beginning to feel like one of those desert people who don't stay in one place but constantly move around. Albeit I've only shifted once after 2 years in SK but I've been in my new place for only 3 months and now I most probably am going to shift again. The thought of packing and moving my stuff and then unpacking again is just dreadful. I am so dreading it. But I know I have to do it. For the sake of my car, my pocket and my patience. Even though it's been only 3 weeks since I have had to drive from Puchong to D'sara Heights, the one hour journey every morning is really tiresome. And it's eating a lot into my petrol not to mention car maintenance. Not only that, the distance is about 25 km. So I have to leave my house at 7:30 am to reach the office at 8:40 am. Terrible. And for now, I suppose it's still okay coz I'm not really working on anything as of yet. But imagine if you have to work till really late then drive 25 km home then wake up the next morning to spend one hour on the road to the office again. If only I had a chaffeur :) How easy my life would be. The thing about my place now is that we're really near each other. So it's really easy to meet during weekends and to decide at the last minute who's staying at who's place. Guess that's the only thing. Even though I've got a few more friends staying around that area, I hardly meet them anyway so they don't count. Guess I'll have to start listing down pros and cons again and decide from there. But then, deep down inside I know what is it that I have to do. Bleh...

Although I've sort of like been having normal working hours for a few months now, working in KPMG really made me feel it. Even though I was 9-6 previously, I was still in Cyberjaya. And there was always no traffic jams to Cyberjaya. Besides, I had pretty flexible hours there and usually reached work at around 10-10.30. Now, it's a whole new story. I still don' t have a punch card but everyone gets to the office at around 8.45-9.15. So I try to be there by 8.45 considering I'm new and don't go home fairly late. The timing isn't what makes me feel the normalcy. It's the route that I HAVE to take to get to the office. Can you believe that it takes me an hour just to get from my house to the office? Crazy isn't it? Without the jam, I can probably make it in 20-30 minutes. But because everyone else is also on their way to work, the roads are just so jammed up and I'll be crawling like a snail on the road. For example, I spent 30 -40 minutes just to get past the Sunway toll. It's madness! So now I finally know how morning traffic feels like. :( Not that I was very curious before. My journey home, however, will take me only about 30-40 minutes. That's because (my assumption) not everyone leaves work at the same time. Some may leave at 4 (re: civil servants), 5, 5.30, 6 etc. Staggered. And it makes so much of a difference! Furthermore, I take the Federal Highway back home which usually has the worst jams. And by the time I get home, it's usually only around 7. Not bad eh? So I even have time to make myself dinner (yes, I can cook).

Even though I've got normal working hours (which everyone craves for?) it feels really weird. Not to mention boring. All my other friends (ex-colleagues) have the odd hours which I used to work. So by the time my day is over, it'd only be halfway through for them. Everytime I get back from lunch, I always look at the clock and think "Wow, my day is half done and they haven't even started theirs yet!" It's really a drag. Especially when your other half is working those hours. By the time he gets back from work, I'll be sleeping soundly. When I get up, HE'LL be sleeping soundly or just about ready to go to bed. When I finish work, he'll still be at work for another 6 hours. Can't even talk on the phone. So the only communication I have with him are text messages and when I see him on weekends. Sucks. Plus, when we've already planned that he will take leave so that we can have an extra day together and for him to back out as some last minute presentation is shoved to him by his mean boss really doesn't help things. Not at all.

On a totally seperate note, I want the new Harry Potter book! I know I should have booked it a long time ago but I just kept putting it off and now I know I most definitely won't get it tomorrow as it will be sold out. Dammit! Trying to bid for it on e-bay but something's wrong with the server and can't process my bid. Have been trying all morning!!! If someone I know out there will get the book tomorrow, may I borrow it after you're done reading it?

Freezing cold!

The bloody office is extremely cold. I'll be wearing a 3-piece suit and still feel cold. And not just cold... but so cold, your fingers just go numb and you can hardly type and write anything. So cold, your toes become so stiff they can't bend. So cold, your nose feels like it's going to drop off. Get the picture? Plus the fact that I'm wearing a skirt doesn't help things at all. I really should start getting stockings. I have to dress like a professional but how come my pay isn't enough to make me look like one? Ish...

On another note, was just reading Sze's blog and she wrote about all the stuff Voices has done together. And man, did reading that bring back a truckload of memories. And it did bring back that feeling of nostalgia that hits once in a while. Sze mentioned about our Gabai experience when a tree fell on 4 cars (mine included) and missed Sylvia's. According to Syl, it was divine intervention, which I seem to believe is true. =) I remember driving around in my car that looks like it got beat up really badly, and even after I had the dents knocked out, I didn't have enough moolah to get it resprayed, so drove around for even longer with patches of orange everywhere! But time has passed... I don't even have that car anymore. And there is no way I am going to drive to Gabai in my present car. Just in case. I mean... call me paranoid and that lightning never strikes the same place twice... but better to be safe than sorry!

Went to Sunway Pyramid last night and had a really great dinner. Prawns were yummy, fish had just the right flakiness and the calamari was juicy. Yum yum.. just thinking about it is making me drool... and there's another 2 plus hours before lunch! And lunch here is pretty expensive. The cheapest thing I've eaten so far cost me about RM3.50.

In terms of costing, I definitely took a step back. I'm paying more for stuff now than I would have if I didn't accept this job. Not only do I have to pay for parking here, but I also have to shop for a whole new wardrobe (which I haven't done) as the company requires their female employees to be dressed in skirts. And since I am in the consulting line, I would have to get more than one suit. And that would cost me. Besides that, I also lose out on time. I spend much more time on the road than I would have if travelling to Cyberjaya. But... I would have been stupid to turn down an offer from here and stayed on there. Won't go into the whole job prospect thingy but in the long run, I suppose I would be benefit from being here. Wasn't very happy to hear that bonus and stuff ain't that good, though. Oh well, money isn't everything, rite? At least that's what I try to tell myself whenever I feel regret creeping in. The problem is that although advisory IS a part of the firm but the bulk of it's ppl are in accounting. So a lot of policies are made because of issues in audit & tax. And we, in advisory, have to bear the brunt of it. For example, we don't get overtime allowance. And we are also sometimes required to work on public holidays depending on project deadlines, without getting paid. Also, our organisation structure is rather flat so it's harder to get promoted as there is very little hierarchy. Oh well. This is only my 2nd week. We'll see how things go. At least I'll be able to have consulting in my resume. Carries some weight, rite?

Feeling a bit sleepy now... going to read some news.

On the job...

First week in my new company has passed. What can I say? Nothing much yet, basically. Haven't really started on anything as of yet. Have been put on a project, but it's an existing one and already half done. So it's more of me trying to catch up and comprehend what's going on and what's been done. Exciting part about it is, I might have the chance to travel to the Middle East. How cool is that! Now, it's just a lot of reading up on stuff so that I don't look stupid.
As for my new colleagues, well, they seem to a really nice bunch who's pretty helpful in getting me started and kicking. But then again... too soon to tell. And most of them aren't around either as they're on a project site. But we went out for dinner last Friday (courtesy of the big boss) and it was quite fun. Chatted, had dinner then drinks. Had to go through some initiation drink which was basically a lemon drop (a shot of vodka with lemon and sugar on the side). Big Boss's favourite drink is vodka, so the rest of us basically has no say in what to order. And it's been made pretty clear that I will HAVE to like vodka since that's the only drink we'll take when we go out. Got myself pretty high too.. but of course, didn't do / say anything stupid. Acted really sober in front of all of them until I got to my car and just went "Whoa!" Went home, fell asleep and just waited for my weekend to start with my Sayang.

On another note, my weekend was fantastic. Probably coz it's been 2 weeks since I last saw my Sayang but it really was great. Met him on Saturday morning at 4 am. By then, I was already half asleep since I came back all high anyway. Wished him happy birthday then stayed up and 'talked' till about 5 am when both of us got really hungry. Too lazy to go out to get something, so he decided to cook for me his 'special' scrambled eggs. So ventured out into the kitchen and started scrambling some eggs. Had a bit of toast with it and a cup of chicken & mushroom soup. To me, that was just lovely and fun. After that, we both got really sleepy and so we slept and only woke up at about 4 pm. In between, there were loads of calls and SMS' for him from ppl wishing him happy birthday. Anyway, woke up, got dressed and went out for a bit of good ole rice and mutton curry =) Wasn't long before we had to go out again, as he made plans with his friends to meet for some wine in Bangsar (pretentious, ain't he?) The wine place was pretty alrite. The ambience was good and the wine affordable. Of coz, my Sayang being the itchified person he is, we next went to Waikiki for some Jack Daniels and Tequila shots. Waikiki being the chose place, coz well, it was the place where we first started talking to each other =) Both of us got pretty smashed but managed to get home safely (Thank God) and slept really soundly after a bit of more 'talking'. Sunday was jsut really lazy with the both of us waking up at 4 pm again and just watching old episodes of Friends till we got hungry at about 6 and went to Nirwana Maju for dinner. Bought 2 Dvds at Bangsar - Schindler's List and Coach Carter. Watched both when we went back home but I fell asleep after about 3/4 of Schindler's List. After all, I had to wake up at 6 am the next morning!

All in all, the weekend was a blast. Let's hope for more weekends filled with fun, laughter and love!