Sigh...

Even though it's been months since he told me that we can't be friends anymore, it still hurts. Especially now. I emailed him about my dad coz i thought 'Well, he WAS pretty chummy with my dad when we were together'. And it hurts to not even get a reply from him. Am i really such a threat to his girlfriend that he can't even reply my email about my dad? And am i STILL a so called threat to their relationship? I guess i expected a reply from him considering how serious my dad's condition is. But nothing. Not even a single message. Jeebers! I mean, c'mon... grow up! Plus... i was just browsing through my Friendster and i realised that this girl who was my junior in school and who previously was in my list, is suddenly gone. And i remember that this girl and his girlfriend are good buddies. Ish. The more i think and rant about, the more irritated and cheesed off i get. And hurt too.

Things at home are okay i guess. Dad's coming home this saturday. At least i'll still be around. Can help out, you know. Sigh... a lot of adjustments will have to be made.

Tick Tock...

Why does time sometimes move so slowly and sometimes just zooms past you? Time time... doesn't everyone want more of that?

Well, I've been back home for nearly a week now. And my dad's been in the hospital for more than a week. At least i can breathe a sigh of relief and say that his health is okay. Except for the fact that he's paralysed from the waist down. Ie he can't use both his legs. But he IS slowly regaining his strength back. But the chances of him being able to stand and walk again are slim short of a miracle. And believe me, we're all praying for that miracle. And my sis and brother in law's presence is also very reassuring.

I just wanna say thanks to all my friends and colleagues who have been very supportive to have called or texted me. Thank you very much for all your prayers.

I'm back home. And things don't look good. Lord, please help us in this time of need.

Thank God...

Spoke to my dad this morning. Apparently he's alrite. I mean, he WILL be able to walk again. But just depends on how he recovers and how severe the tissue damage is. So even if it's severe, he'll still be able to walk but not with the same speed as before. But the important things is that he CAN walk. Thank God. Thank you so much.

Thinking whether to go home or not. Mum says no need coz i'll be going home next week anyway. But we'll see.

Praying...

Suddenly all my problems seem so trivial. Mum just informed me that Dad is in the hospital. He fell off the roof in our backyard at about 6 pm today and one of his legs is now 50% paralysed coz he landed on his butt and jerked a nerve or something like that. My first thought was 'What is a 54 year old man doing on the roof?' But then... it's my dad we're talking about. The man who would insist to fix everything in the house instead of calling the experts. And now, look what happened. The doctors said he will heal but it'd take bout 6 months plus physio and all that. Might either have to go through an op which will take faster to heal or wear something around the leg but will take longer. The good things is, he will be able to walk.

Will call him tomorrow so that i'll know more.

I know i haven't prayed in a really long while. But Lord, please help my Dad.

3.02 am on a Saturday morning

It's 3.02 am and i'm sitting here alone in my room. Sayang has gone back to Muar and am waiting for his call to let me know that he's reached home safely. When issit my turn to go back home? Another 2 weeks perhaps? Feeling a bit lonely and down now. So used to coming back to him every night so this weekend without him will be a bit long and stretched. At least i've got the badminton cup to look forward to. Imagine, me sitting on the high chair and umpire-ing a badminton game. Hehehe... Will be playing badminton again tomorrow. Beginning to enjoy the game. Should make it a weekly thing. Next step would be to convince everyone to join in. Gotta find kaki to play with.

This whole week has just been a whirr for me. It passed just like that. Been going to work early and leaving really late. Don't know if i'm really committed to my job or am i just crazy. It's not easy leading a team of 15 people. Gotta deal with each and everyone's attitudes and emotions. And it's not easy telling someone that she's gotta take a day of unpaid leave coz she's got no MC. And it's not easy telling the team that they have to come in early and that they're not paid for working overtime. Overall, it's not easy... but i'm definitely up for it. Yup yup yup.

It's now 3:11. What to do? Can't call anybody to yam cha with me at this ungodly hour. Too late to call the ppl at work. Should have done that earlier. Still too early to sleep. Who else is left? Oh God!!! This post is so bloody sad. Just one of those bouts where loneliness and depression hits you and won't go away till you're with the person you love. Gawd... desperately need a hug from him right now!!! Where's the substitute sayang? Looks like i'll just have to settle for my bolster and two bears. Funny things is, those two bears were from past sayangs. Hehehe... how ironic.

Sigh... what else is there to post? Wanna meet my sistas... been real long since i last saw them. And tubs. And bots. And the rest of the gang. Do give me a call if anything's up. Miss all of them loads.

Okay.. gonna watch Trainspotting now. Gawd... don't i sound sad?

What an eventful week. So many things happened which made me reflect upon myself. And guess what i found? I'm very much influenced by what people think. And that's gonna stop from now. I have to think and make decisions for myself and myself only. Of course, taking into consideration how my decisions may affect the ppl around me but the main thing is, i've gotta stop making decisions based on what ppl may or may not think. Secondly, i don't really think things through before making a decision. I sometimes rush into things. That's gonna stop too. Time to give myself the time to think over things thoroughly before makin a decision as well. Hate making life changing decisions. But then again, life's all about choosing. I've just got to be wiser in deciding things. No more mummy to hold onto my hand, leading me. I know it might be a bit late to finally realise it. I've always known that i've gotta do these things but i guess sometimes it just appears out of nowhere and smacks you in the head. And i've got a great big bruise in the middle of my forehead right now.

Played badminton yesterday. And now my limbs are aching terribly. This is what lack of exercise does to you.