Yawn...

I'm so bored right now. Everyone i know has gone for work. Yes.. even though it's a bank holiday in the UK some ppl have to go to work. And just so happened that my gang is working :( So right now, i'm at home passin time by writing on my blog.

This past weekend has been somewhat nice for me. Really enjoyed myself this weekend. Went clubbing on friday, woke up really late on saturday evening, went for dinner with sayang, met up with the voices dudes (really miss those guys) then going back home to sayang. Spent the whole sunday with him. We didn't even do anything on sunday. Just lazed around, went for lunch/tea, lamed around in midvalley for a while, wanted to catch a movie but the line was just too freakin long, went back to his apartment to get some dvds, got waylaid there for a while :), came back to my house, had dinner, watched 2 movies, lamed a bit more, talked a whole lot of cock, had supper then finally slept. What an interesting and productive day :) ANd i also think this is the fist time in a long while that i've spend the whole day with him, just the both of us. I feel really contented with myself. And with us. I'm really happy that the idiot has finally admitted that he loves me :)

Trying to figure out what i should do today. Think i'll go get a manicure. Then i'll go shopping for some clothes. Then some books. Need to stock up on books. Maybe get something for him. A pair of slippers or something since he's been eyeing Daryl's. Maybe catch a movie. Been wanting to watch Shrek2 for sometime now. Then come back and bask in the warmth of my shopping :) I am so lame. But it's things like these that make me happy sometimes.

I kinda miss home. But my core leave's coming up so think i'll just wait for another couple of weeks before going back home. Looks like i'm not going anywhere this year. Oh well, at least i can say i've already gone to RA and enjoyed myself. I really really wanna go back to Bangkok and just shop like mad. Felt really nostalgic hearing the kids talk bout bangkok and looking at the pictures of asians. Just felt like i wanna go back to those times.

Apparently there's some issue within the club that some ppl aren't happy bout the money being allocated for teams etc. And i was thinking how spoiled these kids are. That just because the club has money now after australs, everyone just wants a piece. What happened to the committed ppl of the club who would just pay to go for tournaments? Annu and I were just looking at each other and rolling our eyes. Farrah, Annu and i paid for ALL our tournaments and never complained one bit. Okay so maybe we did complain sometimes but we still paid and we went representing Voices MMU which is the most important thing after all. Now, just coz the club has money, everyone thinks they should be sponsored. Yeah right. First of all, the new kids don't even have the kind of committment and dedication we used to show. Second, they dont' know how hard it was for us to get sponsorship from uni and how hard we had to work just to prove ourselves. These kids have it easy and they still wanna complain. I'm really wondering what's gonna happen when the seniors graduate. Seniors like Tate, Balloons, Dengz... even ppl like Mac and Ed don't show enough committment. Who's gonna carry the ball next? The reason why the seniors are so dedicated is because they know how hard it was for the founders to build up Voices and to make it the debating society it is today. How all the unis in Malaysia look up to Voices coz of what we have achieved. How those from other unis wanna train with us. Whatever happened to pure love for the club? Treating the ppl in the club as your family. Coz that's what the ppl in voices mean to most of us. They're part of our lives now. Adn they're definitely more than just friends. I just hope voices doens't die out once the seniors leave. That would be so sad. And such a waste.

Do i wanna leave?

That question has been bugging me for the last 2 months. Do i wanna leave the company? And i still don't have the fucking ansewr. I applied for the internal opening and i'm really hoping that i get it. I really really want that position. But the BCB ppl finally called me and they want me to start 1st July. Which means if i take this job i would have to pay the comapny back at least a month. A few other ppl have said it would be better to move on to better things. And sometimes i think that's right. But other times, i'm just so happy there. I'm alrite with the job. I know my job well. Ppl respect me and look up to me. My managers are alrite with me. I've got great friends. And i'm thinking, if i'm so happy, why leave? Isn't personal satisfaction more important than anything? But someitmes i feel so restless. LIke i can be doing so much more with my life.I can be doing somethign so much more challenging. Sigh.. i really dont know. I feel like i've hit a rock in my life right now. Whether to still cling onto that rock or let go and let the current sweep me away to other places. I realise that i've got several of these type of posts before... but like i said... the question of moving on has always been there but i just don't how to answer it.

Paranoia?

Ever been worried when you find out a friend has the hots for the guys you're with? I recently found out that this friend from work likes vijay. I dont' know if she just wants to do him or she really really likes him.. but i'm really bothered by it. I mean, she's my friend and all and we go clubbing together... so it's really weird for me. He knows that she likes him too but he assures me that he doesn't like her and i believe him. But the nagging feeling is just there. And i know she tried to hit on him once already when i wasn't around... or more like she kissed him! Luckily he had the rational to pull back even though he was massively high at that time. So now i'm left wondering if she'll pull that kind of stunt again. And what if he's not that rational the next time? Sigh... I know i cant' do anything bout it but... i just feel really really bothered by that fact. Everytime when i'm with him and she's around, i can feel her looking at us. Even that night when we went clubbing and me and him were just together. And when we were back in the apartment with everyone else and i was being 'manja' with him. Aargh... I hate this feeling. I mean, she's a nice girl and she's a friend and i know it's not her fault if she likes him but still...!!!

On another note, the mmu kids lost in the quarters. Tough luck. And it's an Atenean finals. Ish ish... thank goodness we didn't go crazy and just fly up there.

Had the company launching of the new building today. Everyone was just so dressed up! Including yours truly of course :) Wore my new saree and all.


I feel so pretty...

Woo Hoo...

Damn.. last night was one of the best clubbing nights ever! Went to voyeur in bangsar but the crowd there was very thin at first and i was thinking 'okay... this looks boring..' but then we got a bottle of JD and just started drinking anyway. Bought tequila shots for everyone coz it was freakin cheap. The night really started swinging when we danced on the podium... hehehe... Then, we actually danced on the bar top! Just like coyote ugly! Heehe... and we got free tequila shots for that. Just for dancing on the bar top! Man.. i never imagined myself dancing like that anywhere! The whole night was just amazing. And obviously i got myself swinging in a way i haven't swung in quite a while :) But he was really attentive to me and took care of me and shait. Even in his apartment when everyone else was still drinking. He opted to stay with me when i felt really really sick. That's when i realised how much he actually cares for me. No matter all the bullshit he tells me, he cares for me. A lot. And I'm really happy to know that.

Anyway, today is recovery day. Don't feel like doing anythign except eat and sleep and laze around the house, watching tv or just some light reading. My calfs ache from all the dancing in high heels. I realised i kinda tore my skirt too and i have no idea how that happened. Damn. And i really liked that skirt.

No news bout the breaking teams in Asians yet. I really really hope both teams made it to the semis. That would be fucking elite. They're probably at the championship dinner now. I so badly wanna be there!!!

2 Teams broke!

Fuck! MMU 1 and 2 broke! I feel so proud! And i'm really tempted to fly up to thailand just to watch them debate the breaking rounds. Pity bout MMU 3 though. 5-3 and they didn't make it. Oh well... all of them are still young.. many many more tournaments to prove themselves. Can just imagine the euphoria all of them are feeling right now. I wanna be part of it too!

Tired...

I'm so tired. Just got back from playing futsol. Seems as if that's the 'in' thing right now at the office. Everyone's playing it. Won our game. Hehehe... so we've got bragging rights on Monday!

Stupid BCB ppl told me that my status is still KIV. I was like 'What the fuck?!' but i just kept quite coz they might still want me and i'll just patiently wait for their call... again. This sucks. Just when i thought i could hand in my letter of resignation. Oh well. Let's just hope the internal opening thingy goes well.

Monday's the launching of our new building with Pak Lah coming over. I can't believe i passed up a chance to talk to the guy. But what the hell. I'm not so into these things. Will be wearing some traditional baju. Hope i look good!

Been pretty busy this week. Work wise. Social life too. :) Might be going clubbing tomorrow night. Hopefully. And i've got netball selections tomorrow too. Don't know if i'll go for that but.. we'll see.

The kids are in bangkok right now. I wonder how many teams broke. The plan was to fly up there if 3 MMU teams broke. Oh fuck... i couldn't get leave for the BEP concert. Farrah will begoing with a friend. I'm so jealous. I really really wanted to go. My boss sucks.

I'm rambling. My mind ain't functioning that well right now. Probably coz my head got hit by a flying football just now. It's also late. I could be having breakfast in a while. I'm so so tired.... Need sleep now....

Yay!

Yay! I finally found a way to put pictures up on my blog! Horray for me.. and i did this all by myself...


Don't I just look cute? :)

Moving on

I suddenly have this insane urge to move on with my life. I feel that my life has hit a rock and i'm just stagnant. Not moving anywhere. I just want to get on with my life. Move on in my career. Move on from pandian. Just a general shift and change in my life. I also feel like leaving my company really badly. I just feel that i can't go anywhere from where i am now. Even if it means starting all over again, i want to make that step. I just want to prove myself capable of surviving. I just want to do somethign in my life. I want a job that would enable to me use my brains every single minute. To keep me on my toes all the time. To be ready and sharp and on the edge. I just feel so restless right now. I wanna do something! Anything! Called the BCB ppl today but the lady who spoke to me ain't around and will only be back on Monday. So will try again on monday. Am also applying for a position which opened. Don't know what my chances are of getting it. After all, there'd be tons more ppl applying and only 2 vacancies. But then again, it's not something i really wanna do anyway. But just trying my luck anyway.

I've moved on from Kiley. I just think he and this gf are just being extremely childish, paranoid and neurotic. Everyone's been saying to let him do what he wants and he'll realise soon enough how stupid all this is. Oh well... I'd like to thank everyone for their support though... Everyone's been really helpful and supportive.

Jeebers... I feel like drinking all of a sudden. Drinking, smoking, partying. I've become really addicted to that lifestyle. Every week I just feel like going clubbing. But unfortunately, me finances can't keep up. :) Add the shopping and there goes my $$. Just looking at my credit card statements every month is enough to make me just stay at home.

Was having a chat with Farrah yesterday after work. We just sat and talked bout life, our jobs, lovelives etc. Talked about staying on our own. And the thought of staying by myself just sounded so appealing. I really want to get like a studio apartment and just move in there by myself. I can decorate it anyway i want to. Don't have to worry bout the place getting dirty coz it's be ME dirtying it anyway. Man.. if i can find a place like that for 300 bucks... i'd shift in there right away! So if anyone knows a place like that... do let me know :)

Friends

I've just lost a friend. A really good friend. All because his current girlfriend is 'bothered' about him being so close to me. And so she wants him to end his friendship with me. And he did.

I'm now sitting wondering how stupid he is. And how stupid she is. First of all, we've been apart for over 2 years now. Secondly, we're not even on the same bloody continent. He's in Australia and i'm in freakin Malaysia. How threatened can she feel?!?!? I'm feeling really really angry rite now. If i can see him right now i'd just about punch his stupid face.

I've known the dude for nearly 7 years.. and he's just gonna throw it all away for her. I can understand how she might feel insecure and shit but it's not like we're in close proximity or anything like that! Jeebers!!! I really really don't know what to say. I'm just speechless.

I thought i knew him. But i guess ppl change. And since he's in a new relationship i guess all he wants to do is make her happy. But not at MY expense as well! A year ago, he wouldn't have contemplated such a thing. I just dont' know him anymore. I suppose the year in Aussie has changed him. NOt only physically but emotionally as well. Fuck him. I'm so so disappointed in him. We've stood by each other all these years and now suddenly i'm not suppoesd to be his friend anymore. What the fuck?!?!?

He tells me that he really treasures our friendship and that i'm really special to him etc but he says all that has to be put in the past. She doesn't like me being friends with you so this is goodbye. What the bloody hell fuck??!??!?!?! I just wanna curse right now. ANd he tells me please try to understand. Understand what? The fact that we're in different countries but she still feels insecure? The fact that i'm not even the least bit interested in you romantically and vice versa but she still feels threatened? Understand what?!?!?! There's bloody well nothing to understand. Understand that you're throwing our friendship away just coz your partner doesn't like me?!?!?

I'm running out of energy... I'm just so very very sad now...

PHD...

Still suffering from PHD. Oh well, all good things must come to an end. Sucks though. I keep thinking if only we had a few more days there. Damn. Anyway, have got the photos uploaded onto my shutterfly account. Can't do it on fotopages. It keeps hanging when i try uploading em onto fotopages. Anyway, this is the link:

http://share.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=EeANGrVszaOWruQ

I was just recalling back the trip and trying to figure out which part/day was the funnest and i realised the whole trip was equally fun. As in, nothing surpassed each other. From day one to day four... everything was just perfect. The part where we got called the anal car coz we didn't stop anywhere, the expensive but delicious sotong, the trip to Kuala Terengganu, the struggle with Botex, Garage, Syl and Farrah when they dragged me into the sea with my denim shorts on, the sight of the dudes naked (not a pleasant sight i tell ya), the BBQ, the thanni sessions, the burning questions we asked each other, the soul searching by the beach, the mooning and flashing, the boat ride to pulau kapas, the snorkelling itself, laughing at thiru aka landak boy when he stepped on some sea urchins, getting burnt and suffering the effects now.... Sigh.. i gotta say, thanks so much dudes for making this whole trip a success. Wouldn't have been the same if the company was so elite and cekap :)

Was just reading the other dudes blogs and everyone was just writing about RA. Hehehe... we all had fun. The trip had a really lasting impact on me. Ooh.. forgot to mention that i came out in the NST. There was a reporter from NST there on our last day and was interviewing Syl and I about why we chose to come to Rantau etc... The article is really small and there's a really bad picture of me there.. but hey.. how many ppl can say they were in the papers? Oh yes, we also came up with a plan in the future. The ppl of the RA trip will be opening a resort! And we each have a role to play. It was extremely funny talking about it. Adn it would be really elite if it came true. Imagine having a business with your best friends and growing old with them too. Hehehe...

On another note, went to play futsal last night after work. Was a bit apprehensive at first coz i've never played the game before. But there were a few other girls and it was real fun. Tiring but fun. Got elbowed in the head by nantha and now there's a bruise on my forehead. Hopefully i can hide it with makeup later. Jeebers.. imagine going to work with a bruise in the middle of my forehead. LIke kena abuse or something. Hehehe.... Juliana and I are a bit scared of the match on saturday. We were watching the guys playing among themselves and they got really rough. Even when we were playing with them it was pretty ganas already. Worst part is, there'll only be one girl in our team at a time. Meaning we'd have to play without each other! Jeebers... i figured i just gotta be brutal as well and hope that some of the guys will be soft hearted enough not to bang me. Coz i'm pretty sure i'll just go flyign into the net!

AAH.. .the bruise on my head is becoming more painful as i touch it. Jeebers....

Post Holiday Depression

We're back from the East coast. And now suffering from a post holiday depression. This is the part where i'd have to return back to reality. No more enjoying myself and just ignoring the rest of the world. Oh well... time to get on with life.

The whole trip was just surreal. Extremely surreal. Had shit loads of fun with the gang. I first wanted to post the entire trip starting from day one to the last day but now i'm thinking i don't wanna do that. Just feel like keeping those memories in my head and holding them close to my heart.

I can't even begin to describe the beauty of the beach and the sea. The sight and sound of the waves hitting the shore was just absolutely breathtaking. The friendliness of the resort owners just made us feel so at home. The bbq dinner we had, the swimming together, the snorkelling trip... everything was just perfect. No plans were made but everything just fell into place nicely. No one got irritated. No one got pissed off. No one was whining. No one was complaining. It was just perfect. Sigh...

And so now.. i'm gonna try uplodaing the gazillion photos we took. I am just feeling so nostalgic right now...