Oh man. The day for Preeta to leave the company has come. I really didn't feel it when we left work on friday coz i knew i'd still be seeing her over the weekend but as i gave her a hug before leaving her house just now, it just suddenly hit me that we woulnd't be able to see each other that often anymore. No more lunches before work. No more after work suppers. No more looking for bapuk sessions on fridays after work. It just feels that i'm losing a friend. I know that we'd meet up during some weekends and stuff but it just wouldn't be the same anymore. All of us have been together since our university days and even after leaving after uni, we knew we'd be working together since we applied to the same company, so somehow it just didn't feel like one of us was moving away. But i guess we can't always be together. All a part of life to move on to something better. So now our car pool number has decreased from four to three. Sigh. Things definitely won't be the same without Preeta. All the best to you P!
Sunday, February 29, 2004
Thursday, February 19, 2004
Working Life
This is the first time where i really felt that working life is a real drastic change from what we're used to if we're still in university. I mean, all this while i knoew it was different bla bla but today really takes the cake. Adn this is the first time i'm actually mentally tired after a day at work. I mean, c'mon, who can get tired doing my job? But today... whew!
I really hate it when my integrity is questioned and lately that seems to be happening a lot. And it gets worse when those ppl don't come directly to me about it. I mean, i'll admit if i'm wrong but if i know i'm correct obviously i'll fight to the very end to defend myself! And at least i know i'm big enough to to say i'm sorry if i'm wrong unlike some ppl. Shit. Damn. I knwo i'm not making much sense but what the heck. OH well, at least we got a chance to hash it out today and bring it to the attention of upper management. And i don't know if i should be glad or not that my team chose me to represent them in voiceing out what we think. Sigh... today's the first time i really felt over laden with work too. Shit i actually stayed back to finish my work! And i hate it that i'm being paid peanuts for it. Shit.
I really hate it when my integrity is questioned and lately that seems to be happening a lot. And it gets worse when those ppl don't come directly to me about it. I mean, i'll admit if i'm wrong but if i know i'm correct obviously i'll fight to the very end to defend myself! And at least i know i'm big enough to to say i'm sorry if i'm wrong unlike some ppl. Shit. Damn. I knwo i'm not making much sense but what the heck. OH well, at least we got a chance to hash it out today and bring it to the attention of upper management. And i don't know if i should be glad or not that my team chose me to represent them in voiceing out what we think. Sigh... today's the first time i really felt over laden with work too. Shit i actually stayed back to finish my work! And i hate it that i'm being paid peanuts for it. Shit.
Sunday, February 15, 2004
Emotional attachments
Was talking to Tubs the other day and he asked me this question "Why do girls always attach emotions to everything?" In this context, he was referring to why girls can never have a purely physical relationship. At first i was of course trying to defend females but then when i really thought about it, i realised i personally have not been able to carry on a physical relationship with no strings attached. Somehow or other, those dang emotions barges in and sometimes takes over. Speaking about myself of coz. I mean, I really don't know about other girls, but I just can't see myself with more than one man at a time. Even in my current situation, it started off as a no emotions-purely physical thing but now... it's not like that.
And i was thinking to myself, how bad is it that emotions are now involved? Found that the answer was 'Not too bad'. I mean, I like 'likeing' a person. I like the feeling of thinking of someone and wondering what that person is doing or whether he's thinking of me. And it feels really good when you know that person is thinking bout you too and missing you. I like the feeling of calling up that person and just chatting. I like the burst of happiness I feel when I finally meet that person. I like hugging him and touching him and doing the dirty with him. I like being cuddled and told i'm sweet. I like being kissed and being told that i'm a good kisser :) I like going shopping and looking out for nice things I can get for him. I like leaving little notes on his office table and that's the first thing he'll see when he gets to the office. I like the feeling of him watching me in the office. I like laughing with him. I like telling him little anecdotes of my life and making him laugh. I like it when he makes me laugh. The list goes on and on. I like all these little things that emotional attachement brings. And even though I know that it makes me that much more vulnerable to getting hurt in the end, I really don't mind. Coz getting hurt is all a part of life. And if getting hurt means i'll have that i said, then what the heck... bring on the 'hurts'! I'd rather have all the happy things and get hurt in the end than not have anything at all.
I
And i was thinking to myself, how bad is it that emotions are now involved? Found that the answer was 'Not too bad'. I mean, I like 'likeing' a person. I like the feeling of thinking of someone and wondering what that person is doing or whether he's thinking of me. And it feels really good when you know that person is thinking bout you too and missing you. I like the feeling of calling up that person and just chatting. I like the burst of happiness I feel when I finally meet that person. I like hugging him and touching him and doing the dirty with him. I like being cuddled and told i'm sweet. I like being kissed and being told that i'm a good kisser :) I like going shopping and looking out for nice things I can get for him. I like leaving little notes on his office table and that's the first thing he'll see when he gets to the office. I like the feeling of him watching me in the office. I like laughing with him. I like telling him little anecdotes of my life and making him laugh. I like it when he makes me laugh. The list goes on and on. I like all these little things that emotional attachement brings. And even though I know that it makes me that much more vulnerable to getting hurt in the end, I really don't mind. Coz getting hurt is all a part of life. And if getting hurt means i'll have that i said, then what the heck... bring on the 'hurts'! I'd rather have all the happy things and get hurt in the end than not have anything at all.
I
Saturday, February 14, 2004
Valentine's Day anyone?
Well, the V day is finally over, couples breathe a sigh of relief and can go back to the way things were before. No need to dress up, no need to be romantic... just revert back to boring ole couple lives. Yeah right... :) As someone once said, it doens't have to be only V day when you show how romantic you can be. Put some effort into your relationship you slackers!!!
Just got back anyway from MY Valentine's outing. Actually just a normal run of the mill outing with ma friends. Had dinner at Gems and caught a movie with the Voices dudes. I miss those ppl. Despite the fact that they can be pretty embarassing
(re: laughing really loudly at the movies), these dudes have taught me that outside perception doesn't matter. What other ppl think of you doens't matter. Anyway, we wanted to watch Cold Mountain but there were no tickets left so we had to settle for Stuck On You. Pretty good show for those feel good movies. And the ride from Brickfields to Midvalley was pretty jolting since i was in Prab's junkyard car. :)
Midvalley was packed to the max though even at such a late hour. All the couples, catching a late night show. I was watching the couples walking around, all dolled up for each other, holding hands, being all lovey dovey. But i was thinking to myself, 'it's Valentine's Day, would i actually be here for a movie if i was with someone?' Can you imagine doing something so mundane and boring on Valentine's day? I mean if catching a movie is something a couple does every weekend, then why do it on Valentine's day as well? I know that i've been saying that we don't need this one special day to show that we care bla bla... but still! I'd be real disappointed and pissed off if my guy suggests we go for a movie. I mean, we don't have to anything special or expensive or preplanned but certainly NOT a movie! I'd rather stay home for a shag! Fun and satisfaction guaranteed! :) I'm not fussy. Just take me for a drive or stay home and talk to me or better yet stay home and don't talk :)
Tubs gave me an idea when i was chatting with him in the blind massage parlour. Oh yeah, some of the dudes went for a blind massage and obviously i didn't want one so i had to wait for them with Tubs. He asked me if i would shag in the office. And me being me, said i wouldn't. But actually, i think i would :) The old building would have been perfect since there's no one on the third floor at nights. Damn. Too late now.
But why do i have this feeling that when i go to the office on monday, the first thing i'm gonna do when i get the chance is to scout for a shag area? :)
Just got back anyway from MY Valentine's outing. Actually just a normal run of the mill outing with ma friends. Had dinner at Gems and caught a movie with the Voices dudes. I miss those ppl. Despite the fact that they can be pretty embarassing
(re: laughing really loudly at the movies), these dudes have taught me that outside perception doesn't matter. What other ppl think of you doens't matter. Anyway, we wanted to watch Cold Mountain but there were no tickets left so we had to settle for Stuck On You. Pretty good show for those feel good movies. And the ride from Brickfields to Midvalley was pretty jolting since i was in Prab's junkyard car. :)
Midvalley was packed to the max though even at such a late hour. All the couples, catching a late night show. I was watching the couples walking around, all dolled up for each other, holding hands, being all lovey dovey. But i was thinking to myself, 'it's Valentine's Day, would i actually be here for a movie if i was with someone?' Can you imagine doing something so mundane and boring on Valentine's day? I mean if catching a movie is something a couple does every weekend, then why do it on Valentine's day as well? I know that i've been saying that we don't need this one special day to show that we care bla bla... but still! I'd be real disappointed and pissed off if my guy suggests we go for a movie. I mean, we don't have to anything special or expensive or preplanned but certainly NOT a movie! I'd rather stay home for a shag! Fun and satisfaction guaranteed! :) I'm not fussy. Just take me for a drive or stay home and talk to me or better yet stay home and don't talk :)
Tubs gave me an idea when i was chatting with him in the blind massage parlour. Oh yeah, some of the dudes went for a blind massage and obviously i didn't want one so i had to wait for them with Tubs. He asked me if i would shag in the office. And me being me, said i wouldn't. But actually, i think i would :) The old building would have been perfect since there's no one on the third floor at nights. Damn. Too late now.
But why do i have this feeling that when i go to the office on monday, the first thing i'm gonna do when i get the chance is to scout for a shag area? :)
Friday, February 13, 2004
Choices of life
I seem to be reading a lot on what ppl think about choice these days. Choice is all part of life. Whatever decision you make takes you on a different path. And i've been thinking a lot on the decisions i've made and paths i've chosen. And sometimes i wonder if they're really the correct ones i've made. And i do think about the what ifs. 'What if i chose B instead of A?' The classic what if question. Butthen again, my life wouldn't be what it is today, if certain decisions were different. But then, it's always human nature to doubt oneself and to always think the grass is greener on the oterh side. But i supposed i'm happy with my life right now. And i'm thankful for that. I think i'm happiest when i don't have to make a decision. When i can just linger as long as i want in a certain place and not worry about the future. And that's where i am right now. The next fork in my life would be in april when my work bonus comes out and the deciison to stay or leave would have to be made. But for now, i'll hang on to whatever satisfaction that i have and be happy.
And then comes the next part regarding my love life. Today is valentine's day and i'm at home. I guess that doesn't mean anything but this is my very first valentine that i'm really alone. Or at least technically alone. At times, i wonder if it would have been better i i had just sustained my relationship and not want to try something new. Other times, i'm really happy that i decided to call it off. Sigh. But if i suppose if i take a good look at myself, i have to admit that i like whereh i am now in regards to relationships. I guess i've been pretty lucky in the sense that someone's always wanted me. Even now. I guess what i have now is pretty perfect. I mean, i have someone when i need him. And when i just want to be alone, i can be. That's the beauty of having a 'non-relationship'. Looking back at my past relationship (not like there's been a lot) i realised that i've learnt a lot. I've learnt to be more independent. I've learnt that individuals need their own space no matter how much they love you. I've learnt that even I need my own space no matter how much I love that person. I've learnt how important personal space is to indivuduals. And most importantly, i've learnt how important friends actually are in my life.
Sigh...
And then comes the next part regarding my love life. Today is valentine's day and i'm at home. I guess that doesn't mean anything but this is my very first valentine that i'm really alone. Or at least technically alone. At times, i wonder if it would have been better i i had just sustained my relationship and not want to try something new. Other times, i'm really happy that i decided to call it off. Sigh. But if i suppose if i take a good look at myself, i have to admit that i like whereh i am now in regards to relationships. I guess i've been pretty lucky in the sense that someone's always wanted me. Even now. I guess what i have now is pretty perfect. I mean, i have someone when i need him. And when i just want to be alone, i can be. That's the beauty of having a 'non-relationship'. Looking back at my past relationship (not like there's been a lot) i realised that i've learnt a lot. I've learnt to be more independent. I've learnt that individuals need their own space no matter how much they love you. I've learnt that even I need my own space no matter how much I love that person. I've learnt how important personal space is to indivuduals. And most importantly, i've learnt how important friends actually are in my life.
Sigh...
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