Tahun Baru

We're fast approaching the end of the first month of 2008. How time flies. And the types of changes a new year brings is both soul-enriching and soul-sapping. It's a new year. And I now have a new job. It's been a month and a half since I joined and thank goodness, it's been okay. Change is always difficult. Adapting to a new working environment, new working culture, new colleagues, new bosses etc. I wouldn't say that I'm part of the 'family' yet but at least the people here are nice enough to include me in social outings. Of which I must say, I have been rather anti-social and have so far turned down their invitations. Not because I don't want to go out with them but because I'm somehow still making plans with my ex-colleagues who have become fast friends. It's been different coming out from a team where everyone is so close. Which was one of the reasons why I left in the first place as more and more people couldn't differentiate between friend and colleague and there were no more lines left within the workplace. It was getting a bit stifling in the team when your bosses try to be your friend and there's so much drama and flirting going around that every single petty thing annoyed me and I didn't like the person I was becoming. So full of anger and negativity.

Although I'm not exactly starting anew here, (I have 2 ex-colleagues who joined here as well), I already feel as if a heavy burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel more alive and fresher and I look forward to the work that will be thrown to me, knowing that I'm able to shine on my own and not constantly in the shadow of anyone else. I'm grateful that I've been given an interesting project which I hope I've done well and that I have had an extremely flexible and understanding superior. So, keeping my fingers crossed that my lucky streak will continue on.

The ex team will be going on a department trip to Bali and surprisingly, I don't feel at all left out. I thought I would. I would have loved going on a holiday with some of them but the drama and tension of which I hate, simply outweighs the feeling of being left out. I don't think I would have been able to put up with any drama / flirting / touching / drunken tension which will most probably happen during the trip. Knowing myself, I would be in such a foul mood and would just be drinking myself to oblivion and to numb myself against all the drama.

I cherish the good times I had there and am grateful for the opportunities that have been thrown to me which has enabled me to learn and develop myself. There's nothing more satisfying than knowing that I completed a major project on my own with minimal / no guidance from my superiors. Unfortunately, most of the times, complete credit doesn't go my way, hence the annoyance and irritation and negativity. Anyway, I've learnt a great deal and cherish the friends which I have gained.

It's been a good 2007 and I'm looking forward to a great 2008.

Went diving recently in Pulau Weh, which is an island off Banda Aceh. Aceh is still in the midst of rebuilding even though it's been 3 years since the tsunami. It's a really small town with not much to see / do. The entire town just seemed dirty and poor. A lot of work still needs to be done. Even the island has only the basic amenities but even the electricity cuts out most of the time. The dive resort has its own generator but it's not powerful enough to keep the fans on. So most nights, we were sleeping without fan. And because it's jungle area, there were insects everywhere!!! Plus the food was really bland. Except for the grilled fish we had everynight for dinner as the fish were freshly caught from the sea. However, the dive sites and the sea more than made up for the lack of luxury and food variety.

Untouched coral reefs, healthy fish and an abundance of sea creatures! Dive heaven! I saw so many eels, after a while, I stopped looking at them! Lion fish, box fish, octopus, cuttlefish, schools of jacks and barracudas, turtles, tuna, eels, etc. I finally saw my first huge napolean wrasse which were about the length of a really tall person! All the fishes were relatively larger than what I've seen before, hence the evidence of healthy corals. Took my advanced licence at the same go since most of the dives there are deep dives.

Aah... diving... I shall try to make at least 3 diving trips per year, if it's possible :)

Keeping my fingers crossed that my next project will be in Hanoi. Ha Long Bay!

Long way more

It's been nearly a whole year since I last blogged and I must say that I'm fairly disappointed with myself in not keeping to at least one stable thing in my life I could count on to always be there for me to rant and vent.
What can I say about the past year? I've been busy as a bee and the months just whooshed by.
Was reading my past posts and realised that I'm kinda back to square one just when I thought all was well. I was angry initially but after the past few days of worrying and crying and feeling like someone just ripped out my heart and stomped on it in front of me, as at end yesterday, I can safely say that I am strong enough to make the right decision and I am strong enough to get on with my life however it may turn out. And I'm glad that I've finally made myself let things go. I made myself not worry and fret but to accept things as they are and to just hope things which are not under my control will get better. But in the meantime, don't sweat it. The ball is now on the other side of the court and we both know what needs to be done if we still want to play this game together. So it's either we work towards reaching for the ball so it can come back to me or we both walk out from the court and perhaps find other players.
Work isn't exactly helping either. I'm swamped. And I feel burnt out. I'm frustrated and tired. A door opened for me and I made the decision not to step through it and to remain where I am now with hopes of prospects and raises hedged on one man only.
I can't wait for the new year to begin. That's because I'm so tired at this point right now that I'm hoping the new year will bring about something new for me.
I'm tired of worrying about work. I'm tired of feeling annoyed at my junior team members who don't seem to have a sense of accountability and responsibility and just lacks common sense. I'm tired of worrying about my relationship and where it's headed. I'm tired of working so hard in this relationship.
Work beckons again. Sigh.

Blogging again

I seem to only blog when I'm in Bahrain. Probably because I've got much more time here. It's only 4:15pm and already i'm thinking what i should have fo dinner. Probably room service briyiani. I'm staying in a hotel, by the way. Just temporarily. I arrived in Bahrain on Monday night and was driven to a real swanky apartment we had agreed upon with the real estate agent. Woke up on Tuesday morning, all jet lagged but ready to sign the lease and pay the rent when I was told they don't do 6month lease. The whole day was then spent making phone calls back to KL and to other real estate agents here to get me another place. Hence, I'm in a hotel. But with any luck, I should be able to get something by Thursday / Friday. A brand new apartment. So new, the building hasn't been named yet. So new, some of the units are still being furnished. But it's a really nice place. Too bad I had to stay in that crappy apartment for so long when there are actually much nicer apartments around within the same rental rate.

Anyway, the trip to Phuket was fun. Not much beach time though but still managed to squeeze in a few hours by the beach. Soaking up the sun then dipping into the water is my idea of a perfect holiday. The number of days preceeding Phuket where we had to work till 10pm everyday had an effect on us. We brought our FRM bear-terroist, Abu, with us to Phuket. No pictures yet, but will put some up once i get my hands on them. The amount of alcohol consumed by us is shocking. I drank quite a bit, that i think it's time to detox myself.

The effects of alcohol - violence against colleagues :)

On a seperate note, i'm not really at a crossroads yet and I don't want to divulge too much information lest i jinx it but i'm hoping for a 'yes' from one party which may change my life. Let's see how it goes.

Oh well, being back in Bahrain is just surreal... saying Hi to everyone I know and repeating the same questions and answers like "How are you" "I'm good" "How's the organisation doing" etc. Not to mention the fake smiles and hellos. Sigh, part of the job i suppose... getting back on everyone's good terms. Doesn't help the project much though when I can't find the project manager from over here. Also doesn't help that there's supposed to be a big meeting tomorrow with the department heads and I can't find the project manager to discuss what should be addressed in the meeting.

It's now 4:40 pm. I should be able to go back soon. Hurrah... 8 more days to go!

Merry Christmas... and what a happy Christmas we shall have with the thought of increased toll rates looming over us. Jeebers. The price hike is ridiculous. RM1.60 for the LDP? Again, many of us question the concession agreements between our government and highway operators. What are the terms of those agreements? Why must it be so secretive? Don't we, the public, deserve to know what's going on? And will the increase in toll rates actually improve traffic jams? Especially the LDP at the Sunway area? I've been stuck approaching the toll gate from Puchong to Sunway so many times it's not funny anymore. Now, we're being conned to paying extra to sit stewing in our rage in traffic jams. Ridiculous, ridiculous, ridiculous. If there is a guarantee that traffic flow will improve then I'm sure we rational Malaysians will gladly pay the extra. Now, we're just being ripped off... again. And can the government STOP comparing to other countries?!?! It just irks me when they always say "our rates are still lower than our neighbouring countries". Yes, rates may be higher but they're offset with lower car prices, more efficient public transport etc. So stop comparing and start giving us transparent justifications instead of spouting of pre-written speeches with the same glib.

And then, some people are also saying that unemployed graduates should stop relying on the government for jobs. Er... can't speak for all Malaysians, but I for one definitely didn't rely on getting a cushy government job. First of all, we ALL know that only certain people get selected to become civil servants. Second of all, employment doesn't mean working for the government. What the government needs to do is to ensure there is enough investments in the country to establish companies and business where people can look for jobs. And the problem of unemployed graduates is not about not being able to find work. The work is there, if you're qualified. But are our local graduates qualified? I would think not. The level of English is non-existent and in the working world, it's extremely important. I won't comment on the quality of education because as we all know, the Malaysian education system is all about memorizing and just regurgitating facts from the textbook back onto the exam paper. Anyway, I'm a local graduate but because of the poor quality of graduates our local universities are churning out, it gives people like me a hard time. When employers see a local graduate's CV, they won't even bother calling them up for an interview. I even had my current boss comment on my English because I was a local graduate and he didn't expect my proficiency of English to be this good. How not to feel insulted? We have so many 'universities' and 'colleges' and 'university colleges' (whatever that is) that having a degree is not enough anymore. It's like any Tom, Dick and Harry can have a degree. And it really gives people who ARE really qualified a hard time because employers just won't know how to filter. Yes, tertiary education is a must for everyone, but it doesn't mean that we can start handing them out like flyers. And unemployed graduates complain about the government not doing enough for you. Take a look at yourself in the mirror and question yourself if you're qualified for a job not only in an MNC but ANY company when you can't speak decent English. We talk about going global but so many of our young Malaysians today can hardly string together a sentence in English.

Yes, I know proficiency in English takes time and we all should really start working towards making English important. Schools being taught in BM is good because for some, that's the only place where they actually speak BM but the standard of the English taught really should be higher. And university subjects should be taught in English. Because translating English terms into BM is just plain difficult because in the outside working world, English is used. Imagine teaching the Black Scholes model in BM. Or stochastic probability. Or what about financial theories?

Sigh...news like these make me just want to move.

Wish Granted!

Someone up there is looking out for me. Thank you so much! My flight has been confirmed and I'll be flying out of here on the 19th!

Fly me home for Christmas?

I've managed to talk my boss into letting me go home earlier for Christmas. Unfortunately, all flights are fully booked. Damn you, Qatar Airways!!! The first time I take Qatar after so long, and you have to do this to me. The best I could do was get myself on the waiting list for the flight that leaves on the 19th. That's 2 days earlier than expected but I'd rather take that than spend my Christmas weekend here feeling miserable.

I'm really such an ungrateful swine sometimes. I complain that I'm bored but when kind souls ask me out, I say No because I'm just too lazy to mingle and meet new people. Okay, starting from this week, no more Miss anti-social. If an invitation floats by, say Yes. Note to self.

On another note, I was recently head-hunted for a job. Haha... my first encounter being head-hunted. Well, it wasn't exactly head-hunting because it was a friend who asked me I was interested in a job in her company. I was happy that she thought of me since it was purely through her experience with me which made her think the job was suitable for me. Totally different industry although it will still be within the realms of consulting. Tempting offer since she told me what they're willing to pay plus the benefits thrown in are pretty good. Definitely better than what I'm getting now. Something to mull over, I suppose during my lonely days left here. I'm not really looking at changing jobs but it never hurts to think over an opportunity like this. Plus, it's a really independent role so it'd give me a chance to really prove myself and see what I'm made of. But I definitely have to think about where I want my career to go. Banking, financial institutions or pure consulting? Business processes and IT solutions? Hmmm....

I'm excited about going back. Well, this wholly depends on if I get my early flight home but I just want to go back home for a few days. And when I say home, I mean Penang home. I suddenly miss all my friends back home and my family and the food! Maybe I can convince mum to get a christmas turkey for me :)

I wonder what the New Year will bring. I'm currently only hoping for one thing regarding my job and it better bring what I'm hoping for and what I've been told is a high possibility. If that doesn't come about, then I guess thinking about new jobs won't be such a difficult decision.

This year has been rather good for me. Although I did spend nearly half of the year here, in Bahrain. I started out the year here and I'm ending the year here. Full circle. I grew a lot, career wise. I travelled a fair bit. I grew closer to some of my colleagues who are now no longer colleagues but friends. My relationship has become stronger. All in all, pretty alright.

So what adventures will the new year bring me? If all goes to plan, I'll be visiting a new place in January, I'll be earning more and having more responsibilites in my job and moving to a new place with V. Keeping my fingers crossed!

P.S. Am also crossing my fingers and hoping really hard that I get on the flight on the 19th! Which is just next week!

My office in Bahrain is on the 7th floor and overlooks the coast. From my window, I have a great view of the sea. And on a clear day like today, the sea is a magnificent colour of blueish green. Being in this Arab country has kind of opened up my eyes to quite a number of things. Like how the people here are pretty liberal and open-minded for an Arab state. It's not a dry country. Pork is easily available in the supermarkets. The cashiers who are Muslims handle pork and alcohol like it's just another item. There are ample pubs and discos around. Many of the locals drink. You can order pork in restaurants discreetly. The people here dress exceptionally well. Especially the younger generation in their designer suits and dresses. If you marry a Muslim here, you don't have to convert.

Then I read the news back home. And it saddens me to think that a Muslim Arab state can be so liberal and yet my home which is supposed to be a secular country is so close-minded. I was having a conversation with an expat from Northern India who works with the Ministry of Commerce in Bahrain. She was asking about Malaysia and how it's like in terms of being liberal. So I told her that it's pretty much like in Bahrain where you can get pork and alcohol. Walking around town in spaghetti strap tops is okay. There are pubs and discos around. Then she asked me about conversion. That non-Muslims who marry another Muslim has to convert. Hmm... didn't know how to respond. Then she mentioned that she dealt with the Malaysian embassy in Bahrain quite often seeing that she's doing PR for Commerce. And she asked how come all of the people working at the embassy are Muslims since Malaysia is a multi-racial, multi-religion country. Again, didn't know how to respond. How do I tell a foreigner that the reason why government posts are predominanly Muslim because of racial quotas? That for every application for a government post, only 1 or 2 positions are set aside for other races, the rest for Malays? Sigh...

Then, I read about another fight over a dead body. I don't understand why the religious department has to come into the picture of a deceased person, whether this person was Muslim or not. In this particular case, the fella apparently renounced Islam and returned to being a Roman Catholic and even has documents to prove it. So why must the religious department still insist on claiming the body just to give the fella an Islamic burial? First of all, his family is the one suffering for their loss. He was a part of their family NOT a part of the religious department. If anything, the family should have the right to bury him, whether he was Muslim or not. Why must there be interference from outsiders in deciding how our loved ones should be buried? Isn't the loss of a family member sad enough without adding salt to the wound? Yes, it may be important to be buried according to religious beliefs but aboveall, shouldn't the FAMILY have the last say? Especially in this case, where they have all the documents stating that he is now a Catholic. I'm wondering how this case will turn out. If the Syariah court rules that the religious department has the RIGHT to claim the body, we all know where our country is headed for.

I understand the need for religion but I don't understand people who use their religion to commit acts of stupidity like imposing your beliefs on others and condemning other religions and destroying other places of worship. Religion gives people an excuse to be stupid and unreasonable. And politicians using religion to justify things? C'mon! Take the case of our lady minister who declared that if God said to stay, then she will stay. Urm... that doesn't explain the case of the APs, dear. I absolutely hate it when they use God's name to justify themselves or to explain things. And why must a religion be imposed on people? Why force people into your religion? Doesn't religion preach about freedom of choice? That you should only believe if you believe? And not because you were born into it or married into it? And is it really a crime to renounce said religion and punish them by law? If I don't believe in my religion anymore, who are you, another human being, to tell punish me? Shouldn't it be between myself and God come judgement day? Shouldn't it be God who has the ONLY RIGHT to punish me? And using the ISA on people who renounce said religion? Jeebers... The justification of using the ISA is on people who may cause threat to national security. Er... how does renouncing said religion cause unrest? Isn't that sentence so vague? If it's really about causing unrest then what about those keris-waving people shouting that they're the pivotal race and that Malaysians can never be equal as there are some who are MORE equal than others? Aren't speeches like that even more disturbing than people who renounce said religion?

The whole 'let's play race politics' is getting out of hand. These people preach that they don't want another racial riot to occur but from the things that spew out of their mouths, they appear to be the ones instigating and fanning the embers. And what's most frightening about all this is that there ARE people who believe what is being said. That other races are causing problems. That they are stealing businesses and controlling the economy. That said race can never progress and rise because of these other races. It's really really sad.

I have a whole lot more to rant about but if I do, it'll never end. I'm just hoping that we, as smart Malaysians, see what is right and what should be done to stop all this.